fiancee/kid fight?

Question

I went shopping with my friends and left my5 year old at home with my fiancee and when i came back it was hell. Kylie was hitting him he was yelling at her, Kylie grabbed paint and squirted it everywhere he slapped her hard enough 2 hours later when i went home there was still a mark..., and it got to the point of kylie walking out at 11pm and going 2 the neighbors cause she was scared of him......what do i do? i dont want him 2 do that 2 her but in a way she deserved 2 get in trouble for hitting him and squirting paint all over?

Answer 1

I understand that raising kids is hard, and they can test anyone's patience. But I feel uncomfortable reading that he hit her so hard.
I would hate if my husband did that to my child, so how about a stranger laying his hands on them?
End of the day she may be bratty and may not listen but she is a defenceless little girl. if you let this go unchecked there is a risk that he may accelerate his behaviour. And then when will you stop to say how much is too much?
Basically there are other ways to discipline a child, time out, taking away priveleges. Consistency is the key. Communication with your partner, limits that the child understands. And they respond very well to this type of non-physical discipline.
She may feel so down knowing that a stranger who likes her mom can get away with hitting her and her mom does nothing to protect her.
You're her shield, her safetly blanket, her world. She is FIVE years old.
I think this is wrong on both your parts, him for hitting her and you for letting him do it. Dont let him do it again. Dont leave him alone with her, he could be doing worse! You are answerable to her, you could have other boyfriends, but not another her. Every child is precious.

Answer 2

You do realize that she is 5 and a 5 year old should not get slap so hard that it leaves a mark hours later.

Or should she be so afraid that she leaves the house at night to go to a neighbor cause she is scared..

When did your daughter hit him,? Before or after he smaked her. ?

I am a believer that kids either act a certain way all the time or they act that way cause sometime is wrong. Does she act up around you.? How long has she known your fiancee.? Could she not like him and it acting out because of that.?

If you want this man in yours and her life then you need to fix this before you get married or it will only get worse and in the end it will only hurt her..

Answer 3

If my husband hit my kid hard enough to leave a mark that was there 2 hours later, I would kick his happy @$$ right out on the street! And he is the father of my kid!

I understand the rage, and the need for discipline, but the worst thing in the world to do is to strike a child out of anger. You are darn lucky the neighbors didn't call the cops and report him for abuse! You could have her ripped out of the home, and the court mandate of her only being allowed at the home if he isn't there.

You need to sit down with your fiancee and set some ground rules. Also provide him with a "safety net" in the way of a friend or relative that is willing to assist him if your daughter begins to act out for him. She may be doing that just out of spite and testing the waters. She may be angry with him for "stealing" her mommy away from her. There are always reasons for behaviors - no matter if it seems like there is a reason or not. Either way, things need to get worked out before the wedding, or else it could be the marriage breaker.

Answer 4

Now I am from the old school and grew up where when you scr*wed up and got caught you got punished. Maybe a spanking, maybe no playing with friends.. but, while I hated it then I believe that it is a valid learning experience.

Others will disagree.. that's their right. I raised three daughters, the last one with no spanking. Both of the other two have told me that I should have continued the practice.. ah well.. thats another story.

BUT>. with all that said, I NEVER left a mark that lasted more then a few minutes. Kids can be a handful, but that is no excuse to spank hard or to hit (never to hit !).

You need to talk to both of them.. there are underlying issues on both sides that you have to try to uncover and you prob. need to do that asap. The contact between them is one thing but as an adult your BF should be able to deal with the situation with a lot more maturity,

If he can not then, as good a fiancee as he may be, he is a potential danger to your daughter.

.

Answer 5

First of all Ericka, your 5 year old sounds like a horrible brat, because of your recent questions, but she doesn't deserve the slap in the face. A spanking is more like it. But I also think that if your man is going to leave a mark on your kid, then you either need to send him away or show him how a mark looks on his face. Tell him that if he thinks that he needs to put bruises or marks on a child, he needs help, or an *** kicking. If your house is a violent one, you should think about changing that.

Answer 6

Your daughter has a good reason for what she has done. You need to talk to her in a very calm way to find out what really happened. You really need to put EVERYthing aside to believe in her.
Your fiancee has NO right WHATSOEVER to slap YOUR child.

I believe he has physically hurt her. Please do not allow your feelings for him to make your daughter think you will never believe what she says. If she ran out of the house to escape him, she truly is afraid, and should not be made to face him again.

Your child should come first WAY before non family-or even "new to the family" family.

Good luck, and believe your daughter-even if you cannot bear the truth.

Answer 7

Never cheer on fights, I mean if its a slapping game to see who can handle the most slaps, thats different. Fighting is incredibly dangerous and can result in a murder case.

Answer 8

how long have you been with this guy? a 5yo daughter being left with a guy and then you come back to find out he hit her? no child deserves to be hit...EVER. like the lady above says...your child ALWAYS comes first.

Answer 9

I would drop that man. If he did that to my child I would be calling social services! If it goes that far, it is abuse. I wouldn't want to live with someone like that and my kids being afraid of their own daddy.

Answer 10

yes but ask yourself WHY she would start doing that to him... what did he do to her first? never never never put a man before your child no matter what! if it happens again i would leave him or try to get to the bottom of it and get them to interact better. good luck