How can I prevent myself from slipping into depression for what is not to be?

Question

I feel myself slipping into depression again. I keep thinking that last year at this time, I was busy planning out activities for my daughter and myself.

She is 15 now and spent last summer with me. She lives in another state with her Dad. I gave him custody during the divorce.

She is supposed to spend at least 4 weeks every summer with me per the Visitation guidelines. My ex-husband never follows them though.

He moved due to job reasons and left her with his mother. He may be losing his job now also.

I went to stay with her, but came back after a few weeks. She is very upset and does not want to speak with me let alone visit me for the summer.

I feel sad because we had a great time together last summer. I was finally able to be the mom to her that I wanted to be.

I would like her to come visit me this summer also. I live in another state.

However, if she does not I am looking into classes for myself. Is this selfish to think of myself?

Answer 1

Always remember, it could be worse. There is a stigma I am sure you are dealing with when mothers don't have their children... its like the rest of the world is goofy and doesn't understand, that these things somehow happen... If you were initially in a domestically abusive relationship- even if it were just verbal, women do all kinds of goofy things in those relationships and leaving them also... if this were the case your a hero, because you taught your child (unbeknownst to her) to not take crap from any-body.

Therapy is awesome, victoms rights classes that you can receive from a womens resource center are sooo theraputic, if his mother is standing in the way of you and your childs relationship, I am told, they are making a big mistake as the child will grow to resent them for this... Children can count too, they can count the years stolen from them and their mother....

It sounds to me like you have tried... with the visits etc. Stay in touch, write letters, send her self addressed stamped letters in brown manilla envelopes(so she can write you)... even if she sends them back just keep sending them... she will see your efforts. Its all about her feeling wanted... obviosly two people that don't live together can't win custody... the one that wins custody, should never - ever harm the relationship between the child and parant that didnt' get blessed with the win. All this does is create heartache, bitterness and anger in the child... a parent or grandparent that alients children from a parent is not looking into the best interest of the child and therefore shouldn't have them...

Bless you. I encourage you to pray about this, there is hope...God is real, and he is bigger than the wedge that is placed between you and your child. Keep the faith, that is your hope..above all, Faith....

Please visit this website: http://www.drirene.com/verbal1.htm

Answer 2

I by no means know what you are going through but I feel myself slipping into a depression right now as well (about something so much less than your situation).

Is there anything that you can do legally? I mean, if there is an agreement about you seeing her for a month each summer, it shouldn't be in question.

Maybe try to fix the problem that she has with you. Therapy perhaps? I have a younger brother who is her age and I know how hard and unagreeable that age can be.

Make sure she knows that you love her. The most loved I've ever felt by my parents have been when they wrote me letters. I'd definitely recommend that.

If nothing works out, then take your class. That is a splendid idea to perk up your mood.

I wish you the best of luck, I hope this helps. Give yourself a big hug and remind yourself what is good in life, I'm sure you'll find plenty. :)

Answer 3

Over the last five years I had begun to have increasingly withdraw into a downward spiral of depression..

But now with the method I can fully focus my energy and thoughts into a decisive line on how to make my life better constantly. And it works like magic! I'm beginning to attract people to me once again and things have just been looking up since then.

Helping you eliminate depression?

Answer 4

See depression treatments/resources at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 2. Write her a letter, asking why she is is upset, and if it concerns you. Tell her that most teenagers go through a difficult time in their lives about now, but that you will always love her, and be there for her, and you hope things will get better between you as time goes on: that you will understand if she doesn't want to come this year, and you'll do a course, and continue with your treatments for depression in the meantime.

Answer 5

No, of course you are not thinking selfishly.
You are grieving the loss of what was to be with your precious daughter.
Part of how you get through disappointments is to schedule your time and activities to keep yourself busy and interested in alternative activities.

Your daughter sounds like she may be angry and confused by her dad not being there, and having income difficulties. Teens are so easily emotional anyway. For so many if's and maybe's in this girl's life, it is bound to come out emotionally.

Answer 6

Hey, you came to the right place! I know exactly what it is like to fall into the abyss of depression but one thing that has never failed me is taking control of my life and not letting the depression control me. You need to take control and be proactive. Go talk to a psychiatrist and get help! There is no need to suffer, there are plenty of antidepressant drugs out there that can help you and you can always talk to someone. There is no easy way out of it but if you take control over it you can! You are going to be fine! Good Luck!!! PS DONT LISTEN TO SAM, HE HAS NO IDEA WHAT HE IS TALKING ABOUT! ST JOHNS WORTS DOES NOT WORK FOR MAJOR DEPRESSION!!!!

Answer 7

I really shouldn't answer this.
A little bit touchy subject for me...
I have not seen my daughter since she was ...oh, mmm...9.
Now she is 14.

So my best answer,...
You are blessed to have had the time you did last summer.
Pray that you may be so blessed this year.
And I will do the same.
Remember the goodtimes.
Soon, you and your daughter will be able to make new memories.

Answer 8

you are not selfish. you need to take care of yourself.