How do you handle it when he is suppose too pick the child up for a visit and is a no show, and you try too keep the peace with this person for the childs sake?I am about too loose it, HELP.
2007-06-02 17:05:45 · 14 answers · asked by *~**~~**~~* 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I do get child support but there is no visitation order. We were suppose to get married I backed out for obvious reasons.
2007-06-02 17:25:34 · update #1
Remember that anything you say or do about this man could get back to your child. Do you really want to poison the child with the hate and frustration you feel for this man.
When the man does not show up simply have alternate plans in the wings. Go take the child to the park, play with them and be the best mother you can be. When you speak to this man be civil and let him know that you will have the child ready for the next visit. No arguments no bad feelings.
One day the child will know that this man does not care. I hope for yours and your child's sake that you meet a man who will be the father the child wants. But don't poison the child. It will only cause hurt, your the adult, let it roll off your back its not worth the head ache.
2007-06-02 17:12:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep this in mind, the more you bad mouth him (for any reason) in front of the child, the more the child will hold that against you later in life. This goes for both parties, not just you.
Sorry to say but you are between a rock and a hard place. If you cut back on visitation, you are in violation of the court order. You will also look bad in the eyes of the child, this they will also hold against you later. However if you do nothing, he will only get worse. The best thing you can do is stop making things easy on him in every way. I bet you do a lot of things to make it easy for him to see his kids. You shouldn't be doing this if he isn't making things easy on you too.
Next time pick a better man to make babies with...remember when you though he was the one for the rest of your life? Try to keep that in mind with the next guy...
2007-06-02 17:12:50 · answer #2 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just don't expect anything from him except the checks for child support to come through every month, or however you guys have it set up.
You'll have to rely on friends and family, because this guy has shown you already that he's not to be counted on. That's probably what he wants anyway but he's to chicken"feces" to tell it to your face and he just flakes whenever he can.
Consider him a sperm-donor and an automatic check dispenser...if you need that emotional distance from him.
If you want him in your life, you'll have to treat him like everyone else who you come into contact with. That means that you need to respect them and receive respect from them no matter how frustrated and dissapointed you feel. You have a meeting with him and you talk and negotiate the terms of an agreement. Then you figure out a compromise. You also figure out consequences when the terms of the agreement you reach are broken. Very business like, but the emotional attachment is taken away and it's abrupt and to the point. Guys need clear and concise directions, maybe if it's treated like a business transaction he'll be taken aback by it and consider it a serious conversation and a serious deal.
2007-06-02 17:17:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes guys are jerks. But have you called him to find out what is going on? maybe something happened on the way to get the child. Call him and tell him that you are concerned about him not showing up and checking to make sure that he is ok. Because it will make you look better and that you are an active parent with the care of the child. You really have to be the voice of the child.
2007-06-02 17:14:16 · answer #4 · answered by Cindy F 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The little child don't give a dam. o:k. go on with your life if the jerk don't show up at the appropriate time. I just know you are smart enough to have him paying child support and these visitation times are set by the courts. Go back to the courts and report him not showing up so you can get on. You know what to do . the courts advised you.
2007-06-02 17:12:35 · answer #5 · answered by MS Williams 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself one question, is it really in your child's BEST interest to have a father who can't keep his word and pops in and out of your child's life whenever he feels like it? Judging from personal experiences, my own father and my daughter's father, I promise you it's not in your child's best interest. Document every time he was scheduled to visit your child and bailed. If it's a consistent issue, take it up with a case-worker. Maybe the custody/visitation arrangement needs to be changed. Your child will only grow to resent his/her father if this becomes a pattern. It can affect your child for the rest of his/her life. I know. It still affects me every day of mine.
2007-06-02 17:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but you should have thought of that a lot sooner. You weren't married so you should have made sure you weren't going to get pregnant. Most men do leave if your not married. They can still date and have their same lives, while the girl does everything with the child. You can't make him want to see her/him. But you can take him to court to get child support, do it!
2007-06-02 17:09:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
In front of the kids, no show of anger, ever, at all. Rule nr one.
Behind the scenes, away from the kid, let him know that (I am assuming) there is a thing called a court order, and that you will take it as far as it goes until he gets the idea that you have rights too. Speak to your lawyer, this may get tough.
2007-06-02 17:28:05 · answer #8 · answered by Unicornrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
female female female....i replaced into you somewhat over a 365 days in the past and that i say you will desire to easily provide him his very own rope to hold his self i propose look if he's what you decide on then do what you do yet once you experience a threat whilst it is composed of her and she or he isn't letting up enable him flow....he's no longer the guy for you and then enable him flow and if actual love is meant to be then he will come back i recognize it sounds corny yet you will desire to step away before it is going any further. or you finally end up with ****. don't be jealous of the toddler she is a newborn. do no longer criticize his relationship with the toddler. be happy that he's prepared to be that father parent in her existence maximum infants don't get that. granted i comprehend yet do no longer deny that newborn her very own relationship with him. She desires that and he has been there because of the fact start. it truly is greater thank what maximum due for his or her own. basically enable him carry himself. you have innovations yet additionally you will desire to be SUPPORTIVE. you are the girl pal and you will contain your self in that relationship in case you decide on. the innovations are yours.
2016-10-09 08:38:05 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you dont, you just have to deal with the fact that he the father
of your child and you have to be the better person for the
child, as the child get older they will see for them selves
what is going on. just be the better person and do what
is best for the child that really all you can do because the
person is test you so keep your cool.
2007-06-02 17:11:42 · answer #10 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋