Why do women say nothing is wrong when they're reallu upset or mad?

Question

i've been with my girlfriend for just over 2 years now, we don't usually fight but when she gets upset or mad (and it shows because she acts differently and becomes much quieter) and i ask what's wrong, she says nothing everytime. Why do women do this, whenever something infact IS wrong?

Answer 1

She is afraid if she tells you what upsets her, you will leave her. Communication is like throwing a ball back and forth with friends as a kid, you throw nicely, towards them, they catch and throw back. Now if you slam the ball in the other kid's face, and don't play gently, they don't want to play with you any more, even might run away crying. So then you wind up playing ball with yourself or the wall, which is no fun. Some women, more often men, are too frank and callous, and slam the ball and play alone and don't care. However, most women see that are so afraid of the possiblity of you saying "you throw the ball too hard, go play by yourself, I don't want to join."

I have a mother like that. I am more on the frank side, but yeah, when I tell a guy I am somewhat intimate with, "that was not nice, to ask me to be the mother of your children and then say, no, I am moving in with my ex, changed my mind, in fact, its jerky inconsistent behavior." He got so hurt, its hard to emphasize how much. After that, ever time he called me, it sounded as if he had cried.

My suggestion: before any fights happen, on a good day, sit down with her, take her to a comfortable quiet place, make hot chocolate for her, cook dinner for her, buy her flowers, make her feel like a goddess. Its an advil for emotional pain, for when the road gets a bit tough, but its NOT emotional novacaine so be careful. Hold her, and tell her that you will never leave her even if she bitches at you. Tell her that you really love her and don't want to see her hurt. Emphasize that you love her and won't leave her and repeat these two like a broken record. Bring a cute tiny ball or beanie baby or something to toss back and forth. 2)Tell her that you want to get closer to her, and the only way that can happen is through good communication, and that without communication, you don't have a relationship. Take the ball or the beanie baby and toss it with her back and forth randomly. Then say, this is an excellent example of communication, I give, you, give, and we recieve, its great, that's how I want our relationship to be, then jokingly make a hard nasty but not too nasty throw. Tell her, "if I throw nastier than that, you will tell me, go play by yourself. But I want to play with you. B1tches and jerks exist. So much so, some people don't want to through the ball/beanie baby at all because they are scared that the other person will say 'what a *****, play by yourself.' I love you and want to make you happy, but I can't make you happy if you keep the ball to yourself and don't tell me when I did something that didn't make you happy. When you are very close, like with your family, you step on each other's toes by accident, and that's okay, so tell me if there is anything I can do to make you happier. You are not a drama queen and you are not a sailor mouth, so of course I won't leave you if you tell me. I know you are polite and gentle, so its okay to be honest with me."

Make a hugging ritual, where if something is wrong, give her time to cool down, then hug her, and she tells you what it is. NEVER EVER communicate problems via email. Tell her, she can be honest, but not via email. People let their dark side talk on the net, its not them. When you hold her in your arms, she will tone down the negativity, and speak.

When she is in your arms, that is the time to ask her why, what is wrong. Pretend to be a pyschologist and bring the past up, what made her unhappy in previous relationships, what would make her happy and so on. Also, say, some people are born sensitive and others are born pyschopaths. Most men are somewhere in between. Most pyschics, like Cleo are women, and most psychopaths, like Hannibal the Cannibal lecter are men. I may not be a pyschopath, but I am not a pyschic either. If anything I do does not make you happy, please tell me, because if you don't, I'll never know. I love you, and want to be with you, and if you keep quiet when you are angry, you are creating a wall between you and me, i just love you too much and want to be with you. Hug her and kiss her a lot through everything I say.

Sounds mushy wushy, I know, but you really need cushioning, nice strong airbags if you may potentially end up in a car crash. Mushy cushioning, and keeping her guard down is essential.

Nothing means she fears you leaving, and wants you to play freud like her parents did and fish what hurt her out of her. Thats not effective communication. Maybe seeing a counseler if you want to improve communication. If you don't have communication, you have nothing.

Thing is, if she is on the defensive, you aren't getting a peep out of her. Its about removing that missile defense shield. The problem with modern dating is that women allow guys to remove their bra before they trust them enough to remove their emotional intercontinental antiballistic missle defense shield, women who had bad experiances can have a department of defense. I had friends who had their boyfriends leave them for other girls, and they changed: they hide anger.

Here is the other thing, if you do not fulfill a woman's expectations, whether she tells your or doesn't she gets equally angry. Ask her what her exs or a man could do that would make her angry. My mom thinks that men (and women like me) should have this inbuilt common sense and know. See, nobody told me that you had to open the door for an older person. So a lot of older people glared at me, and others told me I had bad manners: two examples of bad communication. So people either kept angry and quiet at me and I could tell, or people told me I sucked, and nobody would tell me what the problem was. This went on for years, and I am a new immigrant to this country. Can you imagine how people reacted when I visited a nursing home? Eventually, a friend told me, I know you love this place and mean the best, but in this country, its polite to open the door for elderly. I was like wow, no wonder they glare at me. That is an example of excellent communication: polite, not blaming, but tells the point all the way without skipping important things.

You could also tell her the story above that you read of an exchange student/new immigrant where opening the door for older people in their country didn't mean much, and then did community service at a nursing home.

There are many ways to get the point across. I have some above you can try that are non-threatening, lower your defenses, reassure you love her, and the best way to get a point across is to talk about other people.

I wish you all the best and that it works!

Answer 2

I do not like getting emotional. When I say nothing is wrong it is because if I start to answer the question honestly, I will probably start crying or yelling.

I will then bring the subject up again later when I have had time to calm down, ponder, discuss it with friends, analyze, etc. This is not a guarantee that I will not get emotional. Then at some point the gate opens and I let it all out - past, present, and even future events.

Another reason is because I feel it is very obvious why something is wrong and I can not believe you have to ask the question.

Last, I am hormonal and truly do not know what is wrong!!!

It is more often the first reason.

Hope this helps!!!!!!

Answer 3

Well, often this goes hand in hand with her blaming him for what is wrong. Now, if she tells him what is wrong, and he addresses it, then what excuse does she have anymore to be mad? See, to justify continued pouting requires that the issue continue to be unaddressed, which requires her to not reveal what the problem is. This is similar to the the classic "If you don't know then, I'm not telling you" argument. Men sometimes use this tactic as well, but more often it's women. My solution is similar to Watchman, except I'd probably grab a beer instead of an orange, and leave the room. When she's done game playing, she'll come find me, just like the guy who can't open the box will eventually ask for help if he really needs it.

Answer 4

We women, say nothing is wrong because half the time you men don't listen to us anyways. We feel that if we tell you it will make the fight bigger. The best thing you can do is to take her by the hand and sit on the couch with her and LISTEN to her. Tell her you want to hear what is bothering her. If she doesn't open up to you, stay out of her way. Just let her get it off her chest. Good luck :)

Answer 5

I know I do this sometimes when I just don't want to talk about why I am mad or upset, or I say nothing because I am mad at the person who is asking me and don't want to tell them I am, it's usually the first reason though. Stupid reasons I know.

Answer 6

Jason, if you don't know this woman after two years, maybe there really is something wrong. Can you communicate with her, and do you know subtle signs of where she is. If you are not committed to her after two years, she is smart to move on and find someone more clued into her needs. Sorry to be so strong, but you need to look outside of yourself and see someone's else' needs, desires, and strengths and weaknesses. Ask a good friend or relative their perception of YOU. Are you into yourself? Ask yourself how you relate to others. This will help for starters.

Answer 7

The reason I believe that we keep saying that "nothing is wrong when in fact it is" is because especially when we're in a relationship; the guy should know what is wrong especially when we fight. After being in several relationships; I realized that most guys don't listen when we fight with them. They have the information go in one ear and out the other and when we ask "Did you listen to me?" you guys always say "Yes" when in fact you didn't. You must listen and listen closely when you fight with your gf so that at least you would know why she is pissed or mad or why she is in the mood she is in.

Answer 8

Because we are not ready to talk about what is wrong. We usually are trying to decide how we feel about the issue before presenting our case. Sometimes we decide that the matter isn't that important after all and just let it go. If after a while it still bugs us, we'll bring it up.

Answer 9

I'm not sure this is what anyone else would say, but I was raised being told "girls don't get angry". What happens as the girl grows up is that she reaches the point where she honestly believes she does not get angry. For example, she can be terribly angry and not realize it at all and think she is absolutely normal. Maybe she is not aware that she is really angry. Suggest to her that she go to a counselor of her choice. I hope this works for both of you.

Answer 10

For me personally it's because when i do actually tell my partner what my problem is he either doesn't understand why i would be mad about it or just tells me i worry too much about things and never gives me any advice so i have just learnt it's better to say nothing. Maybe that's why.... Do you really listen to her when she has got something to say?

Answer 11

I hate this "quality" of women. Fortunately I like to talk things out, but here's my take. Women say it mostly to get attention. She wants you to say "babe, i want to help! please talk to me!!!" She may not feel like she's getting enough attention from you regularly. I had a guy who always got quiet and said nothing was wrong, but he really didn't want to talk. He just wanted to try convincing himself there was nothing wrong, and wanted to try getting over it himself. That was stupid too because it never got worked out. Which personality do you think she is? If it's just for attention, i'd suggest acting like you believe her when she says nothing is wrong. Most likely she'll hate that you aren't buying her games and blurt out the problem after a couple minutes of silence. If you think she's just trying to get rid of the problem herself, then tell her you know something is wrong, and you're there for her if she wants to talk cuz you'd really like to help...cuz you do, right? good luck