What advice would you give me if I were to be married to a army man?

Question

Anything from relationships, to being alone, to living on a base...anything

Answer 1

Realize that before you marry him that he doesn't work a 9-5 job! He will have to go to work before you wake up and come home sometimes after dinner. If he's got soldiers under him then he can be called in the middle of the night to go out and deal with them. The military owns him so you are just along for the ride!!! :P You will spend nights alone wondering where he is and if he's ok, people will ask you "how do you ever manage?" because they can't comprehend that our days go on regardless of where the love of our life is, you are going to see places that others dream of seeing!

We have lived off base and also on base...I prefer on base because then my husband doesn't have to leave so early to get through the long line coming on in the morning and he gets to come home for lunch or to change between PT and work. With gas prices we only have to fill his car up once every two weeks because he only drives 3 minutes to work every day! There are pros and cons to both.....talk to your military man and see what works best with you. We also found that we were going over the amount the military gave us each month for BAH (basic housing allowance) so we decided that living on post would save us money and then we found we were much happier!

Just remember to always stand behind him no matter what.

Answer 2

General marriage advice: 1) Don't go into any marriage expecting it to be a 50/50 division of labor. There are will always be times when you're called upon to carry 80 percent of the relationship. There will also be times where you can only handle carrying 20 percent. It only averages out to 50/50 when you look back at the relationship from your 50 year anniversary. 2) Wait to have kids. Take some time to get to know your self and your spouse and who the two of you are together before you add the hecticness of children to the mix. Know each other so that you can communicate about everything and anything. This is especially important in a military family because you'll have other stresses early on.

For a military marriage: 1) Don't take out your frustrations with the military on him. He doesn't like working 18 hour days or deploying anymore than you do. But that's sometimes what happens. Treasure the time you do have together and try to stay busy during the time you're apart. 2) Attend your Family Readiness Group meetings. Especially the ones that occur before a deployment. You'll NEED the information they pass out at the meetings. 3) Use the FRG meetings and any other social events in your life (PTA, church, volunteer work, paid work) to build strong relationships with friends. You'll need that support system to maintain sanity and lend a hand when your DH can't.

Other than that, love your husband and your children more than anything else in the world.

Answer 3

There is so much, it would fill a book. I was in the Army; when my wife and I were married, I was stationed in Germany. She is a Filipino and we were married in the Philippines. We did not live on base, which is better than living on base.
To tell the truth, it was hard on her, never knowing when I would come home, never knowing when I would go to the field, special training, and what-not.
A lot of it depends upon what M.O.S. (military occupational specialty --- what job he has). Some of them spend more than a month in the field, come back and are sent right back out. That would really be difficult for any relationship, especially since most of the time there is little or no communication between the soldier and his spouse. (I was in the J.A.G., so that didn't happen.)
Living on base, depending upon rank, can be bad or worse. For the lower ranks, it is sort of like living in a slum land even though housing is maintained. Many of the wives, children, run wild (NOT THAT wild!)
There are a lot of benefits; the PX, commisary and all the other stores and services. There are different types of support groups. Racial diversity is everywhere; no one makes a big deal out of it. Mostly the military is very accepting of things. Of course, if sent to combat, one's life may depend upon the next guy, so hostility between different groups of people is almost non-existant.
A wife of an Army man needs to be understanding, needs to be supportive, needs to be there when needed, but needs to also remember that it is still a man/woman relationship and not let things get out of hand.
The Army likes to move a guy around, few stay at one base more than 3 years at a time. The don't want anyone going "native".
Hope this helps.

Answer 4

I've been married to an Army man for 5 yrs and we have 3 kids and 1 on the way. Military life can be hard especially during deployments. I've been through 1 deployment to iraq and getting ready to face another one. We got married 2 days before he left to go to Iraq the 1st time. That was really tough and i dont advise getting married soley becuz hes leaving. Many other couples from my husbands unit married also but we are the only ones still married. Alot of the marriages failed due to cheating both the men in iraq as well as some wives here were unfaithful. There are plenty of chances to cheat will on deployments. But wives also have endless chances to cheat will having been left alone at home. You watch the news and wonder is it my man who was hurt or killed in an attack, you wait by the phone for him to call, you freak out when a strange car drives by your house thinkin they are here to tell u hes dead. All i can say is that the military doesnt make a weak marriage or relationship strong.

Answer 5

There is no job in the Army than that of a soldiers wife. The few marriages that last a career, are true love and better than any I've seen. Too often, the wives get lonely and cheat while their husband is in the field. Those won't last and he'll end up devastated financially as well as mentally (for a while).

Realize that no matter how faithful you are, he sees the results of infidelity constantly in his comrades. That means its better to avoid the appearance as well as the deed if you love him. If you're unsure, leave the certificate at the courthouse until you are. If you are sure, you'll get the chance to travel the world, do things noone else does and a love unknown to most.

I recommend living off post.

Answer 6

Don't have sex with the entire town just because he is deployed.

Don't give him crap for doing his job as a soldier, soldiers deploy and stay gone a long time. If you can't deal with not having a hisband there 24/7, do hIm a huge favor and let him find the right wife.

Be a person yourself. Get a real job or go to real college. Don't wait for him to make you a whole person, he has other more pressing things to do.

Don't sign up for a million credit cards and then max them out because you miss him. Live on a real budget and if you don't have cash to buy something, don't buy it.

Nothing sucks more than the leach wife that ruins the guys life and then wants even more when they get divorced when they can't deal with the military life anymore.

DON'T GET MARRIED UNLESS YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU ARE GETTING INTO. THE SOLDIER IS NOT THE ONLY ONE IN THE ARMY. THE WHOLE FAMILY IS IN AS LONG AS THE ACTIVE DUTY MEMBER IS.

Answer 7

i dont know about the army, but i can answer as a navy wife.
be comfortable enough with your self to be alone.
get a hobby.
you are going to spend alot of time alone with your kids.
when your husband is gone dont allow ANY men that are not blood relations in your house, or car.
because even if you are just friends your husband will probablly think the worst.
get a dog or a cat.
it gets hard sleeping alone.
but if you have a dog hogging the pillows and stealing the blankets it isnt so bad.
realize it is hard on a man to be so far away from his family and friends, so there will be times he calls you drunk.
but also realize if he is on the phone with you drunk, he isnt doing something stupid with another woman.
dont get angry with your husband for going out with the guys when he is deployed even though you havent managed to have a day out with the girls without the children in six months.

ALSO!
GET A POWER OF ATTURNY!
you cant get new ids, file taxes, or several other things without.
make sure your ids are up to date before he leaves.

if you arent stationed by your family, get the nation wide calling plan on your phone.
because you will BURN up long distance mins.

get involved with the family support group.
go to the new wife orientation (i think the army has them too)

but i can sum it all up in one word.

PATIENCE.

Answer 8

Stand behind him, love him, and let him know you care and support him. Living on base can be a good thing because your usually within walking distance of nearly everything you need.

Being alone will be lessoned by living on base and being able to talk with other wives of soldiers that are deployed.

Answer 9

Well my father is a retired navy seal , 2 siblings of mine are serving in iraq, another one is stationed in germany and a cousin of mine is also serving in iraq...so the information that I can give you is millitary men are very rigid, overly analytical and cold at times if these caracteristics fit your personality go for it if they dont run away..also be prepared financially to end up a widower cause right now its called resonable planning with bush in office also living on a millitary base is hard you have alot of rules and stuff it's not like living like a civillian so be prepared for that...being married to a man in active service takes a strong women and a lot patience

Answer 10

They don't seem to move around as much as the Navy, but there's always the chance you'll be without him for months. My friend has a father in the military and his wife never cheated on him, they have 7 kids and their oldest is in college.

If you really love him, it would be worth it. I don't think you HAVE to live on base but it's really not that bad. It's more affordable too.