Friends father spanking my child?

Question

My 9 year old daughter called me from her friends house bawling her little eyes out and said mommy please come and get me but she wouldnt tell me why she was crying on the phone. I didnt bother to ask to talk to the parents I just jumped in my car and flew over there. She was watching for me from the window. She ran out the door and flew into my arms literally almost knocking me over. I asked her again what was going on but she didnt want to tell me. So I asked her friends mother if something happened and she said no. But once we got home she told me that her and her friend went to the playground (she's not allowed to go by herself so that upset me) and they didnt know it was past the time when they had to be back. The girls mother went and got them and when they got back to the house, the friends father spanked BOTH of them! My daughter has never been spanked in her life so she was mortified. Im mortified. How should I address with them because that upsets both my husband and I.

Answer 1

I would be mortified too. He assaulted her. Definitely call the cops.

Answer 2

OMG! I would have a hard time controlling my anger in this situation. No one should spank any one elses child for any reason. If there was a spanking that was needed that is up to you not him.
As for what to do. I would have to give myself and my hubby a day to calm down and talk it over. Then I would call and talk to which ever parent you feel more comfortable talking with. You need to tell them that you do not spank your daughter and would prefer it that if ever the situation comes up again that they not do so. And that if they feel they can not do so that maybe its best the children only play at your home.

It might not be such a bad idea to make it that way any way. Who lets a child go alone to a playground these days. Too much can happen. Good luck and I would love to know what happens with this.

Answer 3

You definitely need to speak to the parents. I'd speak to both together. Approach it in a calm way, to make sure you get the whole story. And be very firm about your policies for discipline. Since the "crime" wasn't something that was going to hurt them (once they were home) or someone else, any kind of spanking or rough punishment is unwarranted. If they were endangering themselves I could almost understand a quick spank or hand slap - to stop the behavior immediately. But now that I'm writing it, I'm not sure about that either.

Speak to the parents and find out what happened, then you might have to decide not to let your daughter visit there. For her friend's sake, I'd also explain to your daughter that different families discipline in different ways. That's just to make sure she doesn't think her friend is being abused.

Answer 4

I would have both you and your husband let them know how you both feel and then then I would never let me child go over there again. Clearly that is way over the line and the fact that they didn't even tell you is very strange. She didn't even mention that the girls broke the rules about the park and the curfew? Something weird is going on there. If they thought that was okay, they would have been up front about it.

I would remove these people from my life. In the best case, you are not on the same wavelength and differences will just get more pronounced as the kids get older. In the worst case these people are secretive and odd about the things they are doing with your child. Scary!

Answer 5

If I had never been spanked until spanked by a friend's father, likely I would have felt rather "upset" about the experience. [I mean, I'd have known at some kids got "spanked"; sure, I wouldn't have liked the personal experience!) But even at 9 I think I should have figured well, he got it; I did wrong what he did wrong; I got what he got. "Painful" lesson learned.

Likely my main thought would be, I sure don't want my parents to know cause likely I'd get more ... or they might learn from my friend's parent.

Of course, if I had been really harmed or abused, then I certainly should have reported it!!!

Answer 6

Both you and your husband should go to their house and let them know in no uncertain terms are they to EVER EVER put their hands on your child again!!!

Even if you and your husband spanked, they have no reason to discipline your child.
How dare they! And then to lie and say nothing happened.
Can you imagine, someone 2 to 3 times your size coming at you and hurting you.
They over-stepped their bounds, and they should be set straight.
I have always spanked my children, (well not all the time) when it was needed.
But I have never hit another person's child, because although I spank, I don't want anyone else spanking my kid.

Answer 7

I would be very upset myself. Call the parents (when your calm) You wont get any point across if your just yelling. Let them know they have no right to spank your child. You feel what they did is wrong and do not appreciate it at all. Especially if you don't even spank her. If they thought she had done something wrong/bad then they should have called you and explained the situation. Personally I would not allow my child to go over there anymore. I would be too worried that she would be spanked again and I doubt your little girl wants to be around that awful man again. I am so sorry she had to go through this. (((Hugs))) to her.

Answer 8

wow that is hardcore. I am not against spanking - heaven knows I do it myself but NEVER any one elses kids and no one better touch mine.

I suggest you think about where you want it to go. You just might want to sit down with them over a coffee and talk it through and just say you understand why they did it but you dont want them ever spanking your child again. It is not their place (it is not 1950 for goodness sake!). YOu are the parents and YOU will be in charge of your child's discipline

If you feel it should go further I believe you may be able to have charges laid depending on the laws in your state but I think that would be a long and drawn out thing and make more trouble for you in the long run.

Hopefully the other parents involved can be adult about it (and you as well) and you can have a civil discussion in person.

Answer 9

Id defiently call the parents and tell them you didnt appriciate that at all!! and that she had never been spanked before and they took it all in there own hands and that just aint right. Id then tell them she wouldnt be allowed back over there and that there daughter could come visit...id soo be pissed if someone else spanked my daughter!

Answer 10

The bottom line is that nobody has the right to spank your daughter without your consent. The competing issue is 2 children who commit the same misbehavior should face the same consequences.

I use spanking as needed. I have neighbors who spank their kids as needed and other neighbors who prefer to use other forms of discipline. My daughters have friends in both types of households.

In some circumstances, I have called the friend's parents and reported what has happened. I often say what I plan to do in terms of punishment. Sometimes, we have agreement and sometimes we have different ideas. Sometimes, I have been given permission to spank the neighbor child and I do; other times, I send the child home to face her own parents and to face a spanking or other discipline. Another possibility is that we agree upon a punishment that does not include spanking.

A few neighbors have given me blanket permission to spank their children whenever they misbehave under my supervision; I have given similar permission to select neighbors too. Regardless, the decision to spank another's child is not made lightly. When I have done so, it has been to be fair. I have never spanked a neighbor child except when my own child was also getting a spanking.

Talk to the other child's parents. Let them know your objection to your child getting a spanking. Set your ground rules and do not let your daughter play at the other home if they cannot keep your terms.

Answer 11

Chances are, it was a little bit of average spanking. Her friend's parents might do this regularly when their child does something wrong. If you don't like it, you should simply talk to the other parents and explain why you and your husband aren't okay with it.