My family make my life MISERABLE! I feel trapped!?

Question

I'm a 23-year-old lady & all I've ever known is fear, loneliness & emotional pain. Over the years, it has become worse. I'm the youngest in my family. My older brother is married & has his own place, leaving my older sister, myself & our parents. My family are ruining my life & my sister drove my brother away. My sister has a severe personality problem, is very paranoid and suffers from depression. She is a workaholic & constantly invades my bedroom & goes through my stuff. I have tried to ask her nicely to stay out of my room & even lock my door every time I go in & out but she always breaks in. My father will never let me have freedom of speech & I feel limited in the usage of words to express my feelings (swearing, etc). He's also trying to stop me from leaving home. As for my mother, she's always loved my sister more than me & it really hurts. I DESPERATELY need to escape & get my freedom but I have nowhere to go and I have no friends to turn to. Please help me!!!

Thank you all very much for your wonderful advice and support. Just so everyone knows, I already have two part-time jobs in cleaning (I love my jobs very much (*_*) ) & am so desperate to earn enough money to escape from my family that I'm now doing over-time for the next two weeks. With all of you offering your kind words & advice, I no longer feel so alone. But, you are all right. I am an adult & have told my family this many times. My father is the main family member who refuses to let go of me. I guess it's just because I'm his youngest child so he can't accept the fact that I am grown up. Every time I mention about moving out, he keeps trying to dissuade me by reminding me about high house prices & too many people buying them, etc. I cry almost everyday from desperation & fear & only occasionally have I thought about taking my life. I have an old saying very similar to that of Optimus Prime from Transformers: A life without freedom is not worth living!!!

Answer 1

Do you have a job? Your father cannot stop you from getting your own place like your brother did. You are old enough to leave home. I left two weeks after I graduated from high school. Your parents should know that when they raise you, there will be a time when you will leave the nest.

You should start looking for your own place. Don't let the negativity of your situation get you. You can turn yourself around. You cannot change your family, but you can do things for yourself. You can develop a new attitude. Love yourself. You are worth it.

Look for a place now. You do not have to tell them you are looking. Get yourself a small apartment or look in the paper for someone who wants a roommate. Some houses rent rooms and you share the kitchen and bathroom with other roommates. Don't worry about your family and what they think. They should be happy that you can support yourself.

It is time you moved out and supported yourself. You will make friends. Open up and be friendly with people you meet. Smile at them even though you feel like doo doo. When you smile you make others smile. Look them in the eye.

It is time you loved yourself. You can also do some volunteering. It helps others and gives you something to smile about. I have volunteered off and on and it is a good feeling that you are helping someone out.

If you don't have a job, please get one. Be confident. You are your own person and you do not have to be like your family wants you to be. Be yourself. My prayers are with you. Hugs to you. You can do it.

Answer 2

In this kind of tough situation, you should leave the house. You are 23 and it's time to live independently. At this age, you have the right to live a life of your own. Your parents can't rule over you now cause you're an adult already. But if you can't go out the hosue yet then find a job, save up and when you are ready... leave the house. Don't stay trapped in the house.. sometimes its makes people go crazy. -good luck- and hope all turns out well.

Answer 3

You are 23, a full grown adult, and have a right to do and say what you want. You are easily old enough to get a job, so I suggest getting some work, making some money, then getting the **** out of there. Some distance would do you some good.

Answer 4

Are you working? You don't need to move with friends or family. You need Independence from everybody right? Save enough money, put it in the bank if your personal belongings are not safe in your house, and get your own place. You're an adult, you don't need anybody's permission to move out. If they try to stop you (physically or psychologically) don't tell anybody of your plans until you're out of your house, then give then a call in case they're worried.

Answer 5

At the age of 23 you are an adult. You can move out of the house.

My advise is to save your money. Find a roommate. If your father doesn't want you to move out then expect that he will not allow you to take any of your items out of his house. So save your money and expect to have to repurchase everything.

That is why if you find a roommate, you can share rent buy things little by little and spend less and less time at your parents house. In that way moving out will be subtle.

Answer 6

honey whether they or you like it or not you need to GET OUT, you are 23 and its time for you too take your won wings and fly, you dont have to go through that,I can understand if you were a child but you are 23 you can be your own woman,if you hadnt told me your age I would`ve thought you were a child, dont live like that in fear,lonliness and emotional pain because I for one can tell you its not good and or healthy, if you have to save up money and rent you an apartment do so, make it on your own and dont look back, visit dont neglect them, but DONT LOOK BACK, find yourself a life have fun and get some friends you are still young, you should be dating,meetting new people,you need to GET OUT and experience life...the world has so much to offer despite the bad things in it, be the best you can be, dont live "down" to anyones expectations, PLEASE...I feel for you...do something about that life, do something about yourself,also stop allowing your sister to rule you, you have a mouth use it sometimes you cant be nice you have to be firm,all these worries and problems you are having can lead to worser things, you are allowing yourself to go through it by staying there,check out a good safe person first but get a roomate if you dont want to have the rent all on you,GET OUT NOW,if you need more help or advice feel free to click on my avatar and email me,you deserve so much more and I am praying you make the first move and get it

Answer 7

Move out. Get counseling. Break away from your poisonous family. You are an adult take responsibility for yourself and your way of life. The only thing that is keeping you in that house is fear....spread your wings and fly!

Answer 8

Time for you to get counselling to help you deal with your family situation.You need to look for a job first so that you can save up money to pay the bond and other bills that you will need to pay.What about share accomodation which would be cheaper if you need to move out fast?

Answer 9

then you need to get an escape plan. together. if you don't have a job...get one. even if it's part time. at this job you can meet people who can later be your friends. don't tell your parents about this as it is none of their business. you are a grown woman and they still treat you like you are a child. a full time job is better as it will help you to pay your rent once you move out and get your own place. once you start working you will need to find a way to save your money. once you start saving money...you will need to put it someplace safe. meaning not in the house as your parents or sister will find it and take it for themselves. forget your personal items as they will be replaced later on. right now you need to get a job and get money. next step is to get a post office box in your name only. that way once you get your bank account...you will have the address as your home but the mailing address can be something different (such as your post office box). next...if you don't have a bank account...get one in YOUR NAME ONLY. and notifiy the bank about your current situation as your famliy members are not trustworthy. start working and saving your money. once you have enough money saved...begin looking for your own place. ask your co-workers to help you if need be. once you secure your own place...DON'T GIVE OUT YOUR ADDRESS, TELEPHONE NUMBER, EMAIL ADDRESS. especially if your family are as bad as you say they are. don't tell them that you are planning to leave...just completely leave them out of it. once you secure your own place then you can begin to slowly replace your personal items that was stolen from you. and it is highly recommended that you move out on a day that your parents and sister are not home. that way the friends that you make at your job can come in handy in helping you to move into your new place and to help you acquire furniture and help you move in and call that place home to you. but first and foremost is to make a plan. if you have a good memory then use it. but don't write it down in a place that your family and sister can get to it and see what you are planning to do. just make a list, come up with a plan and don't tell your family anything. cause it's really none of their business...but you dont' want to give them an excuse for starting another fight or trying to stop you.

Answer 10

You need to put blinders on. Focus on what path you need to take to get yourself OUTTA THERE!!!! Perhaps it's going out to social situations to make new friends, or changing careers to get better situated financially so that you can move out. If you're unhappy and you know it's an unhealthy situation, do everything in your power to remove yourself from it. Best of luck.