Evil step-mom needs help with a picky eater - I am beyond frustrated!!?

Question

My 10 year old step son is visting us for a month during summer break. He lives in another state with his mom, and this is his first extended visit since I married into the family.
Problem is, he is an incredibly picky eater. I am at my wits end here. We ask him to take a bite of something, and he pinches the fork with the thumb and one finger, squinches his eyes shut, wrinkles his nose up, touches the fork to his tongue, then throws the fork down on the plate, runs to the toilet or the trashcan, and makes vomiting sounds.
This isn't just a behavior he reserves for the privacy of our own home, either. He does this in restaraunts...when he orders his own food.
I guess I've got two options, I could tell him that the food we prepare is all he has to choose from and let him go hungry until he decides to actually eat it, or I could feed him speghetti o's everynight like his mom does (yes, he acts like this at her house too, but she always caves). He's 10 yrs old and 96lbs. Help me.

Answer 1

You know, hon, this is just a guess, but if this kid is doing this about food, then this is not his only problem. My guess is that he is very naughty in other ways, too.

Obviously this kid needs some discipline...but...you only have him for one month, and this is NOT long enough to change a 10 yo.

You have three choices here:
1. You can try to make a difference in his life. Do NOT go out to eat, or you'll just be embarrassed. Only have food in the house that you don't mind him eating. Do not try to get him to eat anything you fix - just make it and put it on the table, and if he doesn't eat it, oh well. Just ignore, or treat with mild humor, the gagging scenes. If he runs to gag, then pause in your conversation with your husband and say, "Are you okay?" then go on with the conversation. If he wants to sneak food later that is okay - just make sure you only have healthy foods in the house. The kid is not going to starve. If he asks for spaghettio's, sorry, but you don't have any. Tell him you'll get him some every time you go to the store, and keep your word - get him ONE can, and let him enjoy them. Everyone needs their favorite food every once in a while!

Quite frankly, this might be more trouble than it's worth. I think probably this kid is demanding in other areas, because I have known a few kids that act this way, and they are sissies in every area - they don't do chores, don't attend to their hygiene like they should, don't like anything resembling physical activity. IF eating is your stepson's only problem, then you MIGHT want to work on it, but if he has multiple rebellion issues, then I am just not sure he is going to break down in a month. It would be more likely that he'd fight you the whole time, since the end was in sight.

2. A second option is to let him have whatever he wants for lunch, then fix whatever you are going to fix for supper. The problem I can see with this is that if you have 7 cans of spaghettios for 7 days, then he might fight tooth and nail to have them at every meal for three days, and that might not be worth it.

3. A third option is to just buy a bunch of spaghettios. Yeah, I know they're not healthy, and I know that there is more at risk here than a young man's health! But for just a month - is it worth the grief you'd go through trying to retrain this kid? Remember that he is USED to winning with his mom, so he is going to put up quite a fight. It might not be worth it, plus he would go back to his normal eating habits at the end of the month.

Answer 2

I was a picky eater. My step mom used to tell me that I couldn't leave the table until I at least tried (and by try, she meant take 5 or 6 good sized bites) my dinner. If I could honestly look her in the eye after that, and calmly tell her that I didn't like it, she would allow me to get down. But if I didn't finish my meal, I couldn't eat any thing else until the next one. Now, I eat a wider variety of foods. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Well obviously no more restaurants until he learns to behave.

You can try to get him involved in shopping and food preparation if you want. This may help.

But ultimately "My house, my rules". Now the rules MUST come from DAD, not you. Only keep foods in the house that you will allow him to eat (ie no spaghetti o's). At 10 he is old enough to, after TASTING the food for real, get up and make himself a sandwich or whatever is acceptable to you. If to you he should only eat what is offered, then that is fine too.

Answer 4

He's 10? Feed him reasonably sized portions of whatever the rest of you are eating and let him sit at the table until he eats or it's time for bed. Being a responsible parent is a thankless job but someone has to do it, otherwise... well, imagine this little monster at 20 or 30. Don't cave in.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

In my opinion, if you don't want any of them to feel left out have them draw straws or some other random way. From how you describe, your mom has the least "guilt" of the three. I've never seen a mom walk the bride down the aisle, though...

Answer 7

Well, i am not a mother but, i would let the kid starve til he finally decided to actually try it, but if he did this in a restaurant, i'd tell his father to take him to the car while i payd the check, take him home & you two eat, and let him watch. He's 10, he should know how to act in public.

Answer 8

I think it is cruel and abusive to force a child to eat something when they don't want to. I raised 2 sons who are both adults now. I fed them what they wanted - within reason; I let them choose between several nutritious food options. I was a very picky eater. My stepmom used to try to force me to eat. I just ended up hating her for it. I am still a picky eater & my step-mother's ignorance didn't change my eating preferences one single bit. I am sure that you can find other foods that he will eat besides spaghetti o's. He isn't going to let himself starve to death.

Answer 9

ask him to help prepare meals -including planning menu, shopping, actual prep and cooking, serving, and clean up. this way he can have a say at meal times. be sure that everyone at the table understands meal time etiquette. he can eat what is served and be respectful or can go hungry.

Answer 10

Trick him, tell him it's something that he likes... disguise the foods as something he will eat. Dare him to try certain foods, make it fun... Tell him that his favorite t.v. star eats them. Or that that if he don't eat it he will never grow up to be like his dad... Just try and use what he really likes to motivate him. Ask his mother to help you convince him to try new things.