Would she be mad if she found out...?

Question

I'm 19 I've been dating this girl for a month now... she always wants to hang out with me but never actually GO out or spend money... she doesnt like going out to lunch/dinner with me but she'll cook for me at home. I found this strange because I'm used to eating out every meal, everyday. so.....

I did a background check on her and found out that her family is pretty poor... My family is very wealthy and now the things she does makes sense to me. Was doing this background check really that wrong? Why would she be mad if i told her?

I found out how much she bought her house for, how much her parents make, how big of a mortgage she has on the house...

Answer 1

Mad, maybe a little you should have asked her! If she didn't tell you it is because she was ashamed!! How petty though! Just because she likes to cook for you. you decide to do a background check!! I think she needs to check your booty out the door!!

Answer 2

I wouldn't say doing the background check was wrong. The fact that you did a background check says that you do not feel secure enough in the relationship to ask her what you want to know. That may be because she doesn't go out to restaurants and other places with you.
I think she will be hurt when you tell her. Why didn't you trust her enough to simply ask her why she doesn't like to eat out? Her reasons may have nothing to do with being poor. You may be jumping to conclusions which will hurt your relationship because you will be acting on the assumptions that you have made. Just be open with her and talk about what you are wondering about. Communication is the key. Your relationship won't work out if you don't communicate. And you can't find out everything you need to know about someone by doing a background check.

Answer 3

Do you still want to be with her? I hope so, she sounds incredible. I think, since you ahve the funds, you should set up a suprise date for you two. Make it seem as though you just want to go for a walk. Take her there. When you do show her a good time. She might be a little weird afterward because she knows she could never afford it. When she gets that look in her eyes kiss her and tell her that together you two are rich in love and that's all that matters. No reason to tell her about the background check!

Answer 4

Okay so I'm assuming u did a hardcore, true to word background check......I can't fault you completely on doing the check because we all do our own background checks , yet at the same time to do a background check on some one based off the fact that she doesn't like going out just doesn't make sense, because if it bothered you that much you should have spoken to her about it. It's early in the relationship you need to let her know and vice versa what's going on so later it won't come up and blow up into a big issue..What if she was economically stable...hmm what would you do then?...ya know...put your self in her shoes. If anything she'd be mad because you didn't TRULY talk to her about it .....my advice to you is to get rid of any paper work from that background check and try to erase it out your memory......move on and appreciate what you have....just talk....kay (sorry I went into the whole Dr. Phil, Oprah mode)

Answer 5

Personally, I wouldn't tell her that you've been digging around in her past - yes, it was a bad idea. If you had questions, you should have asked her personally. It IS her life and family you were nosing around in.

But take this into consideration.... Now's a chance for you to take HER out! Give her a treat, go some place she'll enjoy, somewhere both entertaining and with good food. And don't make hints about you knowing her background, unless you talk to her about it.

If you do mention it, be sure it's something not harsh like, "Why don't we ever go out? Don't you ever like to have a date sonewhere other than your house?"

Be gentle. Ask something like, "Hey, would you like to go out some time? I notice we're often just hanging around the house, so why don't we have a night out?"

The rest is up to you. That's my advice.

Answer 6

I'd be mad if my guy did a background check on me, and I have a boring background. You could have just asked. It would have shown that you were interested in her. I wouldn't tell her now. She might think you're some kind of creepy stalker. You might tell her something about you and how you'd enjoy taking her to dinner and a movie or a movie then out for ice cream or some place of her choice.

Answer 7

I don't think it was wrong. I mean I think that it's something you needed to know about. You were probably making her feel bad about not going out to eat because your wealthy and shes not so now that you know about it you can be more considerate of her feelings. She probably didn't want to tell you because she was embarrassed. I think you should tell her that you know because she might even be relieved about the whole thing. You don't really even have to tell her how you found out just tell her that you know that shes not as wealthy as you and you except her for rich or poor.

Answer 8

My friend, as difficult as it is when you are trying to establish emotional intimacy with a woman, there are some things you just cannot tell her because...unless she is Mother Theresa....she will just simply freak out!
You don't tell a woman you used to shoot heroin.
You don't tell a woman you used to pick up hookers.
You don't tell a woman you have been treated for psychotic disorder.
You don't tell a woman you have done a background check on her!
Okay, if you have been married for 10-plus years, maybe you can tell her, lol! But certainly not before then!

Answer 9

I dont think it was right of you to do the background check....
and you especially CANT tell her!
How can you tell her family is poor from a background check anyway???
It's one thing if you though she might have a police record or criminal history or something...
But I dont think what you did was necessary.... You invaded her privacy.
Shame on you.

Answer 10

Just appreciate the fact she wants to do something for you. Wether you're poor or not, think of it as sweet that she cooks for you... But take her out ever couple of weeks or something... If she doesn't let you do that, buy her flowers or something that she'snot used to, but DON'T tell her that you did a 'background check'. She might get embarrased.