I am in a relationship now, I just don't want to be in. Thing is, I feel so sorry for her, she has had more than her fair share of bad boyfriends. She is so insecure about losing me, her insecurities have pushed me away. I can't take the relationship any more, and I have tried to talk about it with her, but she just keeps saying that she can't help being the way she is. I went into the relationship for all the wrong reasons, I just felt so sorry for her. Now I feel trapped. I will break her heart so bad if I leave, and I really don't want to do that. She has introduced me to all her friends and family, and they are all overwelmed that she has found someone decent for a change, and I will feel as though I am letting all those guys down too. She gets so jealous when I get text messages, can't bear the fact I have female friends, constantly calls me when I am away, please help, I just don't know what to do, I do know that if I could get out of this without hurting her, I would.
2007-06-02 08:49:58 · 24 answers · asked by Tom B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Telling the truth is going to be best for both of you. You are not doing her any favors by perpetuating a relationship that is both unhealthy and unwanted. It seems that if you are actually someone decent you will share all that you shared with us with her. It may hurt but in the end it will be better for the both of you in my opinion.
2007-06-02 08:54:38 · answer #1 · answered by alkaline222 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you begin the relationship if you knew that you would not be able to take on her insecurities? If you are receiving text messages and other personal attention from other females, then, YES. You are adding to her insecurities.
What to do? Give up all of the benefits you have been getting from seeing this girl and give her time to get over you. You might want to keep in touch with her until she is able to realize that she must move on and encourage her to get counseling for her loneliness and depression. If you truly, feel that badly you could possibly correct the situation by providing her the security you offered to her when you began the relationship, only this time -- for the right reason- because you really care. Best wishes.
2007-06-02 15:59:26 · answer #2 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well my first reacton was to tell you to just drop her but then I read the story soooo.... Your in one of the hardest places someone can be in. I still think you should dump her but... it's not like you were a bad boyfriend. You sound like a great guy and the two of you had a lot of fun. But sadly that makes everythin harder. Maybe you should try making compromises. Tell her I your and your ONLY. Ilove you and I would never ever want to hurt you. And kinda push that into the whole texting thing. Just keep telling her that you would never sleep around and tell her FIRMLY that " Your jealousy is pushing me away. I love you so much but everytime you bitc* about me and my friends your just pushing me away. I dont wanna leave you but if you keep this up.... I will have to." It sounds harsh but it's the right thing to do. Tell her shes your only one but give you some space!!!
2007-06-02 15:58:56 · answer #3 · answered by Sexi Lexi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did this! what your gf/soon to be ex is doing. I did this to the love of my life and forced him to split up with me, but it actually helped me. I grew up and realised it was for the best that i knew what i was really like and understood how i treat others. If she is a mature person she will learn and grow when you are honest with her. Just be as straight about it as possible. My bf and i managed to work so much out after a long period apart, this may not be what you are looking for or expecting but i just want you to see how this might help her. Being in a relationship which isnt heartfelt is the worst thing in the world, do be guilt tripped into stayingwith her. do the right thing and be firm about it. good luck
2007-06-02 15:58:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well unfortunately you have to be selfish once in awhile. This is your life, you're not living for other peoples benefit. If you want to be happy, then you need to tell her it's over. She will be in pain for a few months, but she will get over and life will go on.
It's not your fault she has emotional issues you cannot cope with. You may have felt sorry for her in the beginning, but now you realize she is not what you want. You move on and find someone else.
Why prolong a relationship, it will only make it harder and harder as time goes by. Let her move on and find someone that will love her. No one said life was easy.
2007-06-02 15:54:19 · answer #5 · answered by Chrissy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you won't be able to NOT hurt her. I actually went through this when I was young. My fiance did get sick of me and we broke up numerous times. Finally, after 3 years, we broke up for good. Believe me he had his fair share of problems too but I was over possessive. Although heartbroken, angry, depressed and all of that, I did get over it and she will too. Now after 4 years, my ex-fiance and I are actually good friends. He is re-married and I will be soon. We keep in touch and I have no hard feelings against him. I am actually thankful that we did finally part ways and I was able to meet my new fiance who is just an absolutly wonderful match for me. My ex-fiance is not a bad person, him and I just weren't a good match. We are good at being friends. Your girlfiend will go through a lot of emotions in the beginning but you will just have to stick to your guns and when you say it's over, it's over. She will move on and who knows, maybe she will be able to resolve some problems and be able to become a better person. If I did not have that relationship with my ex, I wouldn't be the person I am today. And I like the person I am today, not the person I was then.
2007-06-02 16:01:54 · answer #6 · answered by terrificprettyangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the best thing is just to let people go. You need to tell her that you love her enough to walk away. Tell her that sometimes feelings change. She deserves someone who will give her all of their extra time, and someone who will understand. It isn't you being shallow or scared, it is you just trying to do what is best for both of you. What is the point of staying in an unhappy relationship? There is no point. So just let her go.
2007-06-02 15:54:36 · answer #7 · answered by Jamie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get her to break up with you. if it doesn't work, then be blunt with her. don't make her think that it's okay to be this way. maybe there are some guys out there who are attracted to insecure girls, but most of them are not. so she needs to know what the problem is and tell her that guys need space too. and maybe she should lay off for a while and you guys should take a break. good luck with this! =]
2007-06-02 15:53:59 · answer #8 · answered by goodlife1993 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try this: "I'm not happy in this relationship. I would like to end it."
That's pretty much the end of the conversation. (Except the part where she tries to sell you on the idea of changing your mind, which you will do, since you've already told us that you feel sorry for her and her friends are a big part of it and she's insecure and all that.)
2007-06-02 15:53:45 · answer #9 · answered by Stuart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really have to worry about yourself. I am sure she will be quite upset, but this is normal when any relationship ends. Eventually she will get over it.
Just be honest with her and tell her you need to end the relationship as you are not happy in the relationship. It's that simple. Don't lie, don't make excuses, just plain and simple.
2007-06-02 15:55:40 · answer #10 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋