a yr ago i have been diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder and have been in therapy and ssri's since then.
my wife and i have been in marriage councelling roughly the same time and additionally seeing therapists and councellers. i walk on eggshells everyday (for 15yrs now). my wife left a trail of detsroyed professional and personal relationships leading back to 2 counts of rape in her early childhood. her father who has been a long standing alcoholic passed away late last year.
we tried everything from 'languages of love' which only i end up speaking, sensory integration work, only her needs are met now.
there is no intimacy, no kindness and no support from her since the conception of our daughter 2 yrs ago.
i wake up to her shouting at the kids at the breakfast table. she spends all time at work and never joins our activities.
everything points to bpd and i sit between divorce, custody battle or hoping for another 15 yrs for things to change.
this is the only love i know .....
2007-06-02 08:49:24 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
the stress and tension in your marriage isn't doing those kids any good at all. As you are both in counselling, I suggest you bring it up with your counsellor and discuss what would work best for both of you and your kids.
2007-06-02 08:55:47 · answer #1 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi:
I am so sorry for the deep pain that you are having. I truly am and will keep you and your family in my prayers.
You do have quite a massive choic that you are giving yourself.
Will your wife be open to seeing an MD for the proper diagnoses and medications if needed and also therapy sounds like it would benefit her. Do you think she would be compliant in ther overall keeping the appts, taking her meds (if ordered) and so on? I think that these are questions that need answers before you can make any major decisions such as you are facing.
Unfortunatelly, and I say this with great sadness, she must STOP, and STOP NOW, the verbal abuse she is doing to your daughter. Approaching her on this will be worse than walking on eggshells. Speak to your MD as to how to handle this situation. they will guide you as to what to do.
What you are saying is that you have pretty much tried everything that you can think of to save your family and your luv. There is no rule that you can only try something once and then the door closes. Those doors will never close. Maybe trying something again will gain a better result.
I will suggest to you because this is what my gut is telling me, and I always follow my gut feelings, they have not been wrong yet.
Make an appointment with your doctor as soon as you can. Write down all the things here plus if there is anything you may have forgotten add that in as well. Do not hold anything back, the more information about your entire family situation, the more solid his talk with you will be.
I believe at this point that he /she will have some ideas and sugestions as to what shall be the first important brick to be laid for your new family foundation. I suspect that your MD will want to take things one step at a time, and very gently.
Please start there and the professionals help you with the situation.
Please, I cannot stress enought to you that you must be aware of your issues and feelings at all times in this crisis. You absolutely do not need any set backs, you have been thru way to much already.
I am holding you and your family close to my heart and prayers.
Please Mikell73, please check my profile. My contact information is there and NEVER EVER hesitate to call on me. I would be upset and hurt that you did not receive any support when you needed it.
Be Safe & Be Well
2007-06-02 16:23:26 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
IF your wife has BPD, it is a very serious mental illness. There is no cure but it is treatable. I am starting my tenth year in therapy. Sometimes it is difficult to find a therapist to take on a client with BPD because we can be so difficult. Psychoanalysis and Dialectical Behavior Therapy are the only treatments that are being used successfully as far as I know. Google Marsha Linehan for DBT. Your wife will probably need to see a psychiatrist for medication. A GP is not qualified to make the diagnosis or treat with medication. They are not familiar with the clinical dosages.
Try reading "Walking on Eggshells," Lost in the Mirror," (this is a good one for your wife to read; she may recognize herself), "Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified," "I Hate You, Don't Leave me." If you want more info, please do not hesitate to e-mail me.
2007-06-03 01:33:06 · answer #3 · answered by Marcia K 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have tried many different avenues of therapy and they have not been successful. It may be time to consult a lawyer and seek full custody. If she truly has a mental disorder then it should be no problem getting a judge to grant you full custody with supervised visitation.
Your children have a right to grow up in a safe and loving environment, and it does not seem like she is able to provide that.
2007-06-02 16:18:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is bpd mean bipolar disorder?
If that is the case tell your wife goodbye! A person with bpd can only cause you trouble. She knows exactly what she is doing as all bipolars do. When she can go with you to see a doctor and the doctor can certify she is cured than and only then should you consider getting back togather. If I had a say in the laws of this country I would make it a crime to have bi polar disorder.
2007-06-02 15:58:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
plz continue getting help with her and work on the reason you two aren't communicating because the children need you both.tell her to stop yelling and plz don't fight in front of the kids,that'll make them think they did something wrong.god bless
2007-06-02 16:06:38 · answer #6 · answered by susan e 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋