Am I a Bad mom?

Question

I feel like a horrible Mother. I have a son thats almost 4 months old. I have a lot of health problems. I have a nurse that comes to my house to give me medication, I have awful dysmennorhea, I'm hypoglycemic something awful, I have arthritis in my hip, and many of my problems mostly gauchers Disease make me verrrry fatigued. A lot of days I can't play with him much and it seems like he is just a huge bother to me, cuz i feel so crappy. He is heavy and I cant carry him far.

He's just a little baby, I fear what happens when he's a little older and wants to be really active and playwith me all day. He wont understand whats wrong with me, he'll just think I'm a crappy boring mom.

I don't wanna be a bad mom and I try really hard to get up as much as possible and be with him, do you think he'll understand when he's a little boy or will I just look like an awful parent?

Oh and I do have help, my husband is very involved when he is not at work and his grandparents usually watch him a lot in our house while i'm there so I can rest.

Answer 1

I don't think you are a bad mom, you just need to find a way to spend time with him that is enjoyable for both of you! Bring him in your bed and sing songs or play peekaboo or read stories. That way you can relax a bit while stimulating his senses and creating that wonderful mother-son bond. I have 2 sons of my own, and while I don't have serious medical problems, early motherhood is exhausting! A little one on one quiet time could help. As your son gets older, teach him about your illnesses and teach him to help out. He will grow up with an understanding of your disease and be more understanding of your limitations.

Answer 2

I understand how you feel, I'm in tears right now. I developed seizures about two years ago and we can't get a handle on them. My meds were making me so groggy that I could barely function and sometimes the seizures even give me amnesia for awhile. I hate myself and think I'm a horrible mom. This is not how I wanted to be. My kids worship me and don't even care that I can't always do things I want to. They don't even notice. I do though. Your son will be fine, you won't though. I always thought that going to a psychologist was just something that bored rich women did but I went so that I could talk to someone who wasn't already spending so much time taking care of me. I feel so guilty about not being good enough. It has really helped though. Your son will understand, he won't ever think you are awful. You aren't awful, but no matter how much I say that, it doesn't make the guilt go away. I would really recommend going to see a psychologist etc. It would be someone to tell all the stuff you really don't want to burden the hubby and family with. That's what it is for me and has really helped. He can't make me not feel guilty for being a broken person, he can't make me healthy, but its nice to have someone to cry to. Best wishes, your son is fine, you are the one I worry about.

Answer 3

I agree nothing is more important to a baby or child and even a teenager and adult than knowing the love of a mother and mothers come in all shapes and sizes with all different levels of activity and the inability for activity you will be a great mom just hang in there

Answer 4

You're not a bad mom! And it's great that you do have extra help.

Talk to your doctor about depression. Even if you're physically unable to do much with your baby, the fact that it's hard emotionally points towards possible depression. Depression can cause physical problems such as illness and fatigue; illness can contribute to depression. Not to mention depression from the hormonal imbalance after birth. And even normal fatigue from having an infant! :)

An exerpt from http://www.drgreene.org/body.cfm?xyzpdqabc=0&id=21&action=detail&ref=560

"Babies do not learn as well when they are listening to the flatter, less melodic voices of depressed women. Adults' perky, high-pitched baby talk sets the stage for intellectual development (Child Development 1999;70:560-570).

Depressed mothers deserve treatment, both for their babies' sakes, and so that the mothers do not miss out on enjoying one of life's unrepeatable joys -- the all-too-brief babyhood of each child. "

I've dealt with this a bit myself. It's hard to say what's the cause and what's the cure, but try to interact with your baby with fun play time every day. It's the love and attention you give him that matters - NOT the physical ability or limits that a parent has.

******* Babylove gave some great advice. ********

If holding him is tough even when sitting down, lay down next to him for feeding, changing, playing, snuggling and talking.

Crying when your with him is okay; yelling and getting mad is not. It doesn't seem like you're having that problem but it's always good to keep in mind. It's like a urgent call to yourself that immediate help is needed. Likewise, if you have any thoughts of bad things happening to your baby - even if it's not you causing anything bad!! - it can be a sign of a physical chemical imbalance effecting a person.

"I try really hard to get up as much as possible and be with him"

That is great. :) Just talking to him and interacting can be great for both of you even if you aren't holding him. Touching is important too, but just do what you can and it'll be enough. :)

Don't get in the habit leaving the tv on, but do play uplifting music for both of you. If you're open to some fun songs for kids, check out http://www.joaniebartels.com/ Wishing you all the best.

Answer 5

if you are worried enough abt your baby to ask this question that means that you are not a bad mom. my mother didnt really play with me either when i was a child, i'm not sure why, but i had siblings to play with instead and your baby has a lot of attention too... there is no attention that is equivalentto that of a mothers, but the thing is that he doesnt look at you like a toy, he looks at you like a mother, mostly he doesnt want to play with you, he might occasionaly, but the thing is as long as you give him attention, he will be okay. you dont have to play with him, do stuff that wont tire you easily, do things that are easygoing and easy for both of you to do... the baby can sense the fact that you are trying, really trust me he can.. he might think you are boring if you dont play with him but he wont stop loving you as long as you love him... GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

Don't worry, as long u explain to ur kid when he gets alittle older that ur hips (point to where it hurts) are causing alot of pain and it makes u have a hard time moving, also remmy to always tell him u love him and he will understand, theres things u 2 can do together when he get older like crafts, board games, video games and coloring books too. if he really loved u, he will never see u as a bad mom as long u show him ur love and thats all matters..

Answer 7

Things will all work out. Things happen for a reason.
No you are not a bad mom. Do not even ask this question.
Being sick happens to everyone at one time or another. People just do not tell you they are sick .You may need a vacation from the baby, and when you come back you may see things much brighter.Take it easy on yourself!

Answer 8

I'm thinking of things for you to do with him when he is older and wants to play and you can't move around much, here are some suggestions. And No you are not a bad mom, you are doing the best you can...right?!?! Good luck.

Read books
color
puzzles
blocks

Answer 9

God would not give you more than you can handle, if you haven't yet, try turning to him. By giving you your child, God knows you can give him what he needs. I'm sure he will be raised with an understanding of whats going on with you.

Also, try looking for a local or online support group.

Answer 10

I sound like a great mom because your concerned i'm sure your son will learn and understand your problems.