of three and the only girl. My husband started making a fair amount of money about ten years ago and my parents stopped visiting us (we live in the Midwest and they are in the West). I've tried to be as affectionate as possible, not be arrogant but nothing works. My kids are very high achievers. National Merit Finalists, serious students, respectful, not nerdy. But they never visit them, never remember their birthdays. Instead they are constantly visiting my brothers and their families. Their kids are a mess. Not attending college, poor students, wrecking cars. My brothers have not done too well financially. I think I understand the problem but it really hurts me. I feel so sad that my parents seem to not have wanted me to have success in life. No matter how nice I am to them they simply never call, never visit. Why is this bothering me so much? They're in their eighties. Sometimes I go through very sad periods over this, lots of private tears.
2007-06-02 05:07:14 · 10 answers · asked by jeanC 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It bothers you because they are your parents. No matter how old we are we want to feel our parents approval and love. I understand what you're feeling as I became the "black sheep" of my father's family when I went to college. Being the only college-educated person in the family has caused quite a bit of tension and it's rough. Now I find myself not even telling my dad of my successes as I don't want to appear snobby.
I'd just continue to reach out to them and visit them. It could be possible that they want to focus on the rest of the family as it is clear that you can take care of yourself and the rest of them need a little help.
Good luck!
2007-06-02 05:16:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry for your pain. Family dynamics can become even more confusing and dramatic as we age. Where your parents are in their eighties, they are of the generation that wanted the bulk of the attention to go to their sons, no offense against any daughters, but that is the way that people believed.
You desperately want your parents to be proud of you and your family, but they are concentrating on your brothers who have not made the same choices and advances that you and your family have made.
The fact is that your success is a separate issue from your brothers. Your parents, especially your father is valuing his personal worth through your brothers and their lives. You mother follows your fathers judgements as that is the way that she was taught, to be the obedient wife.
They may feel that you are financially successful and therefore, do not need them any longer. You need them emotionally, not necessarily financially.
They view your financial stability as the most important thing. You are most likely going to have to push the issue, keep communicating and even visit them. You are going to have to take back the power into your own hands.
Do you have a similar relationship with your brothers? I do not mean to be critical, but you do come across in your question and the support statement following as bragging about your finances and children which may be striking them as arrogant.
You also do not have many positive things to say about your brothers lives and children. Even though they may have more negative in their lives, in your eyes, they may be happier and more accepting than you are.
If you can sit back and honestly say, without bragging, that you and your husband and children have done everything possible to repair the relationship with your parents and you brothers and their families; than you just have to accept things the way that they are.
There is a large possibility that your parents feel as though you are more financially able to travel and visit them, and they are going to your brothers because your brothers and family are less able to travel.
There are a great many factors in this situation, and you need to sit back and figure out all of these factors in order to make changes. You may want to think about some counseling for yourself in order to pinpoint issues beyond what you are stating here.
Best of luck, I hope that things get better for you and your entire family.
2007-06-02 06:43:58 · answer #2 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, maybe it's because you are doing so well now, that they feel there is no reason to vist. Maybe they think that every time they had visted before that they were helping you in some way while they were there. Since you are doing so well on your own now, they may think that there is no reason to vist if they can't help in the same way they did when you were struggling like your brothers are. Maybe they have been talking to your brothers and they all decided that they are pretty much done with you. They don't feel you need them anymore. Maybe they think you are showing off. Whatever it may be, you really need to call them or ask them to vist. Talk to them and ask them why they are treating you this way. Don't be afriad to be a little selfish when you talk to your parents because you don't deserve that. Good luck!
2007-06-02 05:23:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm closer to my mom, but out of all of my siblings (all half), I am the closest to my dad. I also act a lot like my dad. Mom: Sun Leo Moon Pisces Dad: Sun Leo Moon Leo (...and rising Leo) Me: Sun Leo Moon Libra Way too much ego for one home haha PS: I'm very close to a Sun Cancer Moon Aquarius, and just had a two cousins both Cancer, one with an Aquarius moon and the other with a Scorpio moon. Thought it was weird.
2016-05-19 04:00:22 · answer #4 · answered by rene 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can sooooooo relate to you (except for the fair amount of money part). We are not exceedingly weathy but my husband and myself have always fended for ourselves, never went to my parents for help. (I always thought that was how a responsible adult was suppose to act)
My Mom caters to my brothers (in their 20s and 40s) and sister (who is now thirty) who are so needy and "borrow" money from her constantly. She also started to not associate with us or our grown kids who have grown into wonderfully responsible young men. I don't get it. I pray about it alot because it does hurt. I have cried many tears also. God bless you and know that God loves you unconditionally and your rewards are waiting for you in heaven. Have a good weekend.
2007-06-02 05:24:38 · answer #5 · answered by Buff 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont say if you visited them. Mybe they figured you could afford to visit them instead of them visiting you. If you did then the whole thing is perplexing. If you didnt then that may be the problem.
Your siblings could be jealous too and if they voice that if could be influencing your parents.
The only way you will ever know is to outright ask them why.
2007-06-02 05:18:22 · answer #6 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that they probably feel the other children's families need more of their attention because of the problems and they rationalize it in their minds by saying... "look how well our daughter and her family are doing".
Call you parents and explain how you feel to them, they may never know if you don't.
2007-06-02 05:12:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your a good person. So they don't have to worry about you. Now your brothers are a different story. I would talk to them and tell them how you feel.
2007-06-02 05:15:27 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My guess is that they feel the others need their support more than you do.
2007-06-02 05:10:16 · answer #9 · answered by Moondog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop being a snob and go visit your family! stop bringing up THEIR short comings and go!
2007-06-02 05:10:46 · answer #10 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋