Plz help - is religion going to break us up?

Question

my bf and i have been going through a rough patch where he has been quite distant. I got soo annoyed that i sent him an e-mail to break up with him because trying to get him to talk was getting me nowhere.

He's just called and has told me that he thinks it was sad of me to break-up with him via e-mail and i explained to him how i was frustrated about him not talking and just needed to walk away because i have exams right now.

He told me that he's been meaning to talk to me and was waiting after exams. He said that the fact that we are different religions (he's muslim and i'm not) has been on his mind, and his parents are very strict. He wanted to talk about it in person. When i asked if he still wants to do that he said not right now.

My exams finish soon, if we do talk about it, would should i say? my parents won't agree with him either but i can't make him fight. is this a dead-end?.. plz help i'm soo confused - am i wrong in how i think and by sending that email?

Answer 1

Email wrong? Yeah, you should have just called him and told him. But you can't make someone feel differently. If this is the way he feels then you have to accept that and move on no matter how painful it is.

Answer 2

You should not have sent an e mail stating you wanted to break up it was very cruel especially as You are both in the middle of stressful period over exams wait until exams are over. Of course the religion question will be there and Muslim families expect a great deal more from family and religious loyalty than Christian families who dint expect blind obedience from their children. If you do not want to break up you must tell him.
I would advise you to talk seriously about the religion questions when your exams are over and you should make some attempt to get some general information about the Muslim culture so you can discuss the issues intelligently. All mixed race/culture mixes can be problematic but if you both educate yourselves about each others beliefs and cultures you will both gain from the experience whether or not you.

Answer 3

How thoughtful an e-mail how sweet. How about something face to face. You young people are something else today. Communication is a key in any relationship. Not over the phone or e-mail or by letter or by text message. In what you said your exams must be more important then anything you got going on. Why would anyone just because of a religion come between you and him. Come on now put your faith or religions on the side and come together. And not let anything come between you like exams or something trivial. I cant figure out why young people waste there youth on nonsense. Be happy and come together. And enjoy life.

Answer 4

Don't feel bad about the email - it would have been bad if he'd just emailed back and that was the end of it, but you needed to start the conversation somehow and sometimes an email is the best way to do it as you can say everything you wanted to say and not chicken out of saying it. You need to have a face to face conversation with him, but I think getting it out in the open by email was fine. When you talk to him and decide what you are going to do, accept that his faith means a lot to him, as does his family, but also let him know how much he means to you, because you dont want to let him go without any struggle. Good luck, I hope it turns out ok for you.

Answer 5

Hmm...I am Muslim, and although it is frowned upon to marry people of different religions it is acceptable, at least for men. A Muslim man can marry a woman of any other religion, but a Muslim woman can only marry a Muslim man.

Anyway, if he's religious, talk to him rationally and calmly and don't poke fun at or insult his religion at all. Keep your cool and be fair. Talk through everything like adults. I hope it works out for the best.

Answer 6

This sounds like a tricky situation, as differences in religious beliefs can cause problems in a relationship. Often its the parents who put pressure on the son or daughter not to enter into a relationship with some one of a different religion, and it becomes impossible to do anything about it. Your boyfriend might love you to pieces, but if he goes against the wishes of his parents he could be 'dis honoring his family'. His religion, and him as your boyfriend might go hand in hand, and, unfortunately, if it came down to it he would be likely to side with his parents and religion rather than you. Finishing with him via e.mail was a bit harsh in my opinion, but what other choice did you have? Also, if he's reluctant to talk about things now, what would things be like in a future, more serious relationship? Hope this helps, and i hope you get things sorted.

Answer 7

Well, I do have to agree with your boyfriend on one point: you shouldn't break up with an email. It's too impersonal. With that said, if he was waiting until after exams are over to talk, he should've told you that earlier.

My advice is to talk to him and decide for yourselves if a relationship can work out. Though it might be nice to have approval, if he's an adult who's worried about mommy and daddy waving his finger at his decisions, he has some growing up to do in terms of independence.

Communication is key to a good relationship, so if he doesn't want to talk any more, you might as well break up mutually and try to stay on good terms.

Answer 8

You are never wrong in how you think! We think what we think and are either proven correct in time or we change our thinking as we learn more facts.

Experience has taught me that e-mail is a safe way to communicate when emotions are running high. I think it is understandable that you were frustrated and wanted to communicate but were unable to. I probably would have done the same thing!

Speaking from my years of experience in matters of the heart, I wish we could be more analytical about these things. Allowing ourselves to fall for someone who is quite different in lifestyle or beliefs is not a path to a carefree existence. It can make things very difficult.

I've learned that it is very wise to be friends before boyfriend/girlfriend. It doesn't sound very romantic or exciting, I know. But it makes for a stable, long-lasting relationship if things do get serious.

My second bit of wisdom is this: imagine what kind of person your ideal mate would be. Be as detailed as you want. You can even make a list on paper. What do you value as far as qualities and character? Honesty, sense of humor, hard-working? Now YOU become that kind of person. You will attract that special someone just like a magnet.

There are relationships in which "opposites attract", too. Someone helps balance us out sometimes. One partner might be more spiritual and the other more "grounded" - like our 'Rock of Gibralter'! They can help to anchor us and we can inspire them to grow and explore. These relationships take maturity and perfect honesty with yourself and your partner but they can work, too.

If there is one little thing about someone that you don't like, even though you really like everything else about them, don't expect to change the person. You will have to be able to tolerate it to be together! If it is something that could put you in danger or in harm's way, don't start a relationship.

You sound like a very concerned partner who is willing to communicate and work things out. There are different relationship styles the way there are different learning styles - some learn by hearing and some do better seeing things. I hope things go smoother for you as far as your relationship. I don't know your age and that does make a difference, especially if parents are involved. They only want you to be happy.

One last bit of wisdom from my experience, enjoy being young and not having the pressures and responsibilities you will later in life. I see that I should have just enjoyed being a teenager and college student . I could have taken time to grow into the thoughtful adult partner I would turn out to be. I wasn't truly ready to "settle down" until my late twenties.

I wish you the best!

Answer 9

I married a Muslim and he mad em give up my family, friends, job, flat and he also said I had to convert to Islam and change my name before we could get married. Now 6 years on I regret the day I set eyes on him. I'm now a Muslim and I can tell you Muslim men are very strict and controlling. They believe that their religion is right and every one else is wrong. They are very narrow minded and will do as their family tells them. Please Please do not think you will be able to change him because you wont...he will change you before you even realise it. And if you start getting serious with him, he will never accept you're religion and beliefs until you become Muslim. Maybe you shouldn't have broke up with hm by e-mail sometimes it's best to talk about these things face to face, but I think maybe he wants to break up with you because he is scared of his parents and that is why he wants to talk to you. Don't worry, be strong, but I'm telling you..relationships with Muslims are very messy. Please listen, I wish someone had warned me.

Answer 10

Muslims are not allow to date and f he is dating you then he is not all that Muslim and his parents can't be all that strict. If my parents even heard some non true story of me having a bf I would be on next plane back to Pakistan ( and I am 18)...anyway I am sorry but thats the truth...