I'm no longer a Christian. How can I gently let down my family?

Question

I come from a very right-wing conservative Christian family. I used to accept everything they taught me, but once I started going to college and moved out, I've become more open-minded. I've explored other religions like Buddhism, Islam, and Wicca, and I came to the conclusion that religion is a man-made thing and that if there is a higher power, we as finite human beings can't possibly begin to explain it or understand it.

I guess this makes me an agnostic. But my family doesn't know about this. I've been coming to church less and they constantly nag me every week wanting to see me there on Sunday. The church we attend is very small and close-knit, and in that sense also very dramatic and you can't keep secrets from anyone. I feel guilty taking Communion because I don't believe Christianity is the only way anymore.

I want to tell them the truth but I don't know how. I know it will break their hearts and they'll worry about the upbringing of my daughter. Any advice?

Answer 1

Congratulations.
Here's what I do...
Use the bible in your favor.
A phrase I like to use is...Church and felowship with God doesn't have to be in a building, it's a state of being in the heart.
It passifies the best of them and I don't have to actually tell them how far away I've gotten from the idea.
Consider communion as a thing to do to be part of the "club". If you don't fully believe, then if you do it or not shouldn't matter. I feel that if you do it with the intentions of keeping the family happy, you are still honorable. The die-hards will think this to be a lie but in reality, it's in support of your family's beliefs.
About your daughter's upbringing. Remind your family that religion is not decided by others. It's a PERSONAL choice and you will inform YOUR child of ALL beliefs and then she can make her own choice.

Answer 2

That would depend on how fundamentalist they are. And as for being finite, only the body is finite. This shell we call the human body is a place of learning. AS for taking communion, this is not something to feel bad about it is human symbolism. Small close knit Churches however may spell trouble in my opinion. My rule is "Don't ask Don't tell." If at some time your daughter questions the rituals and symbolisms there is no reason she cannot openly explore the world of spirtuality in another way, to find what works for her. I too believe as you do. If you tell your family this might bring down a lot of heat and you may want to move out of the area. I have seen it happen where a church united against a childs parents had the kid taken away from their parents and the poor kid suffered for it. Don't risk telling, just play along until you can get a job far away from that little church. If they want an address get a PO BX. That is what I have done and I live free.

Answer 3

I would point out two things from my own upbringing. One, church itself is as much about community as anything else so - whether you believe or not, when you stop going you sort of reject that (that is, you could stop believing and still attend ceremonies for that community. Two, you're an adult and your beliefs are your own. It's a test of your relationship with your parents maybe. If they think you should continue in their path they may have some letting go to do still. Many parents raise their children with very little actual 'thought' put into what religion they should raise them in yet they can still feel some (unnecessary) personal rejection when the child rejects the belief. My parents were like that. You just have to maybe clarify for them that it's your belief and not your respect for them that's gone.

Summing it up, you owe the church community nothing (it's like changing girlfriends/boyfriends), you owe your parents only to be honest. If your parents resent your independent thinking (some have) they'll get over it.

Answer 4

From experience? The only way to do it is to couch it in as assertive a manner as possible. Don't say things that imply that you might still be saved, but also don't say things that imply that they are wrong for believing the way they do. "It's not for me," as opposed to "it's wrong."

The fact is that now, in their eyes, you're going to hell and it's their solemn duty as both Christians and loving family, to make sure you don't. Be prepared to live a life where you may have to choose between religion and some members of your family for a little while, until they've individually come to terms with it. Also, be prepared for a few of them to witness to you pretty regularly for the rest of your natural life. Of course, being able to appreciate it when one of them tells you that they're praying for you is good, too. In addition to religious significance, it also means that they care about you very much.

Before you do break this to your family, you must know your own beliefs very strongly. "I guess I'm agnostic," doesn't mean "I guess I'm agnostic," it means, "I haven't completely lost my way on God's path, help me before I do!" You can either stand firm in your beliefs or cave to inevitable family pressure. It helps to be able to tell them what you believe, why you believed it, and what you did to try to maintain your faith with god. I guess it boils down to "know yourself." Also, if you break the news, do it one or two people at a time. Mom and Dad, one day, a brother another day, Grandmother another day. Grandfather separately. News that may end in confrontations is hard enough when you're in a minority; there's no sense in making yourself a vast minority.

Yes, there will be drama. Yes, you will be pressured to return to the fold. Yes, there will be some people who will give you the "be not unequally yoked with an unbeliever" choice of get right with god, or get out. But yes, they are still your family and they will still love you. You will still be a part of that family no matter what you believe; otherwise means that they are not good Christians and most people just aren't the do it my way or go away kind.

Best of luck!

Answer 5

I was Christened a Christian and whilst I don't believe a lot of what is preached, I just live by the ten commandments. I guess to all intent and purpose I'm an agnostic too. Its double standards though, because I work for the church.

I sincerely hope your family will still love you and respect your decision.. I'm sure if there is/was a God, you wouldn't be classed as a bad person because you dared to question religion.

Hope it works well.

Answer 6

The problem is yours dear. You must empower your belief in what you believe now. Look: I went through your same situation. Just recocnize that Jesus-The-Christ did a lot for Humanity (see Gospels and Apocryphes) and It is still Alive. Jesus died. Not The Christ. When you will have clearified your ideas (about religions, and Prophets, and Enlightened people who came on this World), you will have no problem to tell them WHO YOU ARE, what do you believe in and so on. Your being worried about them (what they would say? Would they stop loving me? And so on ...), just weaks your re-newed Faith. Do you believe in the Creator? That's it. (Buddhists call It "The Light"). Do not worry. You are not alone. There are so many people on this world, nowadays, which aknowledged or are aknowledging exactely what you did. GO AHEAD. Hugs. Peace and Happiness be inside and outside everyone, everywhere, at any time.

Answer 7

I honestly don’t think it’s right to take communion and feign worship if you don’t feel it in your heart. Did your parents bring you up to live a lie? If so, there is a lot more wrong than your questions about faith. Even if you can no longer believe, that’s no excuse to give up your personal integrity as a human being. Life takes many different twists and turns and there’s no way to know how you might feel about faith 20 years from now. Wherever you are 20 years from now you want to be at peace with yourself, which means being honest with yourself and with others.
Be honest with them. Most people have gone through times of questioning. I would never want a child of mine to feel they must live a lie.

Answer 8

Telling them may have your family forcing you to chuch on a more than regular basis in an attempt to force god back in your life. What you need to realize is that you have to believe what you want to believe. No person or persons have the right to tell you what to believe. When I told my family I was an atheist, most couldn't beleive it. Most of them overlooked the fact that I didn't believe anymore, and remembered that I'm a very moral person. If you want to tell them, tell them. But remember to not disrespect their religion, because that is their belief. Respecting them is probably the only way they'll respect you.

Answer 9

it style of sounds like she is far too right for you and you do no longer likely deserve a 2nd hazard. yet, if your heart is desperate on attempting, so be it. you ought to tutor Erika which you will exchange, get your act jointly and get a extra proper wardrobe ( that's no longer FLASHY style. i'd be DISGUSTED TOO). deliver her plant existence, ask her out on a date interior the cardboard interior the bouquet and make it a effective night date. gown modestly. denims with a tucked out polo would be effective. yet someway i'd desire to work out you attempting to incoorporate "batman" into your clothing merely stay risk-free. do no longer do something that would offend her in any way in any respect, and be appealing. do no longer advance the night at her mum and dad till the top of the date and merely provide her a heart felt apology

Answer 10

you will need to do what is right for you what you can live with


good luck this can be very hard.......i had a friend that did the same thing when she went to college only she converted to Muslim from a very fundamental baptist religion. She tried to hide it for awhile but she told us she felt 10 times better once everything was out in the open...........it will probably hurt your family but if they love you it want matter........

again good luck