I just popped the question to my girlfriend of over 2 years. I have planned to propose in May for the past 5 months however my fiance's sister has been more vocal about "wanting" to get married and I think it's a subliminal message for me saying "you better not get engaged before me" or a "backoff" so to speak. I proposed because it was the right time for me and my girlfriend and I'm not going to put my plans on hold for anything or anyone. The problem is, my fiance and her sister work together and my poor fiance has been crying due to the nasty things and bad attitude of her sister towards both me and my fiance due to jealousy. It's sad when your own blood says to her sister, "you better not ask me to be your bride's maid"...just to name one of them...not to mention she was rude and hung up on me when I tried to calmly talk some sense into her....
I think my fiances sister is making a fool of herself all on her own but I am very upset she is ruining it for us. please help!
2007-06-02 02:23:55 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I would go to the parents and talk to them about her attitude, Maybe they can talk some sense into her. And if she doesn't want to be a part of the wedding, I would not even bother to invite her. She sounds like a real witch anyway. Someone who cared about your fiance would not act like that. Maybe your fiance should find another job if she has to work with such a horrible person who would treat her own sister that way. It isn't really good to work with relatives anyway. Basically DO NOT let her get her way and spoil this wedding.
2007-06-02 02:30:12 · answer #1 · answered by tired 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her parents, surely they'd want to stop her basically bullying her sister out of jealousy.
It's very sad that she feels the need to be like this, but it does need to be nipped in the bud. She is ruining what is mean to be an exciting time in both you and her sisters life and it's not on. There isn't a single good reason for what she's doing, and she needs to explain herself, apologise and behave like an adult - when a person actss like that it's no wonder they aren't the one getting married.
Though it may be hard, if it comes down to it and she's still being like this, the pair of you will have to be brave and bitee the bullet. She says don't you dare ask me to be a bridesmaid, fine, don't ask her. If you're really brave don't even have her at the wedding. If she's going to be selfish and spoil her sisters day then she doesn't deserve to be there to see her sister on the happiest day of her life. This'd be tough though, but at the end of it, if you two have tried everything else and she won't stop, it's the only way.
If you go for this choice as a last resort, make sure that no-one tells her where the ceremony will be, you think she's being spiteful now, imagine what she could try to do then.
With any luck of course you'll have a word with her parents and they'll help sort it out, a grown woman shouldn't be acting like this and it's dsigraceful she'd treat family like that. It's sad that the parents will have to be involved, but when it comes down to it if she's going to act like a child she should be treated like one.
Good luck with the wedding and I wish you the best for the future.
2007-06-02 10:14:48 · answer #2 · answered by gothpunkfreak86 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that you and your fiancee should ignore her sister and be happy about your wedding plans. She's just jealous and needs to grow up. I also think that you should take her negativity and jealousy as a compliment. Apparently you are a good guy and she's jealous that her sister found someone like you before she did. Tell your fiancee to stay strong. It's crazy how jealousy starts to rear it's ugly face as soon as you get engaged. And the sad thing is that it usually starts with your family. This is the time where you and your fiancee have to start realizing that all that matters from now on is you two. You should be the most important person in her life and vice versa. Family is no longer number one! It's hard for your family to understand that but they have to soon.
Good Luck
2007-06-02 17:33:47 · answer #3 · answered by Justyn's Mommy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I've had some similar problems with my fiancee's sister. She and I haven't been on good terms for the past 2+ years, and have actually come close to becoming physical with each other in the past. She decided on day that she didn't like me, and has been tormenting me at every turn ever since.
For my part, I just ignore her, or I turn it around (I'm pregnant, and she loves to comment on how "fat" I'm getting; I just smile, and say, "It's called being pregnant; what's your excuse?" Our co-workers then ask what's wrong with HER!)
It's harder for her brother to deal with it; this is his big sister, after all, even though they're both adults. It might be easier on your fiance if YOU confronted her, face to face, where she can't hang up on you. Make it somewhere somewhat public, so that there can be no accusations later (for instance, she sounds spiteful enough to try to insinuate that you might come on to her or something!) Witnesses are good. Better still, talk to her with her parents!
I wouldn't want her to be part of my wedding, if I were you. I refuse to have my sister-in-law in my bridal party at all! And I'm not sure if she's even going to be invited to the wedding, at this rate (she's mellowing a little, so I may end up inviting her, but . . .) Her brother says it's up to me, honestly! He knows how we feel about each other, and he doesn't want her to ruin our wedding. The good thing is, since we already don't like each other, if she's not invited, it won't cause any more bad feelings, and I'm blamed, not him, as far as his family is concerned (that doesn't sound like a good thing, but . . . They all know how things are between us, though). If it's YOU saying she shouldn't be there, your fiance is less likely to get any flack from it.
As for her attitude at work: If she doesn't want to behave as a sister should, she shouldn't be treated like one. She should be reported to her supervisors for her attacks on your fiance! That's what would be done if the person WEREN'T blood . . . if she doesn't want to ACT like family, don't give her the respect DUE to family!
Enjoy your engagement. But put her out of the picture. Minimize contact. She's only going to put strain on you and your relationship, if you let her!
You didn't mention if she's even in a POSITION to be engaged before her sister . . .
2007-06-02 12:52:12 · answer #4 · answered by pernrider480 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say if she wants to be immature and childish about the whole thing then she doesn't have to be invited. She needs to be told to back off or she won't be uncluded in the wedding at all. This may be hard, but this is about you and your fiance' not her. With my wedding last june, i had to tell my birth father if he was not adult enough to go to the wedding knowing my Dad (stepdad) was going to walk me down the isle that he didn't have to show up. In the end he did not come, but has since "grown up". I think he finally realized it didn't matter how much he pitched a fit that i was doing things how i wanted to do them, not his way.
Even though they work together she needs to tell her sister to back off, her time will come and she needs to let her sister have her glory and excitement. If she doesn't love her enough to back off a bit then don't invite or include her in the wedding planning or ceremony.
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Best of luck to you two.
2007-06-09 17:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by ~Angel Eyed Pookie~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In some Asian cultures it's actually a huge deal if you marry the younger sister before the older sister is married. You have to go through a special ceremony and you have to give the older sister some sort of a token so the good luck will not passed her. Just FYI only.
2007-06-06 15:24:18 · answer #6 · answered by cappuccino_lava 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be glad the problems are on her side only and it's not YOUR sister involved!
My husband's sister called a couple of months before our wedding and "dropped out of the wedding party." No real reason. Well, the reason was that she was with her fiance for 6 years at the time, we had met the year before, and we were getting married first, and "It just wasn't fair." Not my fault they dragged their feet!
Their mother was in denial of our wedding. In fact, the sister's wedding, which took place two days from a year after ours, took precedence for planning. They had to get their hall secured. They had to talk about bridesmaids dresses, etc. By the time the mom decided to take our wedding seriously, she handed us a guest list of over 300 people and our hall held 198! And then I was a you-know-what for not letting her invite them all!
But..let her deal with her sister. And again, be glad it's totally on her side of the family!
2007-06-02 12:51:07 · answer #7 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just make your marriage plans with your fiancee and forget about her sister. Do not tell her anything about the wedding and ask a friend to be the bride maid. Do not consider her for anything that has to do with the wedding and if she starts saying rude things just walk away.
Tell your fiancee not to cry in front of her and just to walk away and to tell her that she is not going to put up with her childish behavior anymore. After all, unless she has genuine reasons to despise you, you two shouldn't even bother what she thinks about when and if you two are going to get married. Good luck!
2007-06-02 12:30:14 · answer #8 · answered by Belle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think your fiance needs to let her sister know that she is being nasty. If this does not help, give her a gift of a membership to match.com or something similar and tell her to get on it and find someone to marry. If none of this works ask her parents to step in, and after that, and if it does not work, do not include her in anything else. She needs to grow up and kudos to you for being concerned about your bride.
2007-06-07 21:21:17 · answer #9 · answered by mamatucker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty I wouldnt want my sister to be my maid of honor or bridesmaid for that matter if she was going to have that attitude. I wouldnt involver her in the wedding, and I'd go on to have a happy day with your friends and family.
congrats and good luck
dont worry about what her sister says or does. its your day, not hers.
She'll eventually get over the jealousy and she will only make a fool of herself.
2007-06-02 10:16:59 · answer #10 · answered by mannasox 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋