I just seem to be nagging my fiancé at the moment, and he is starting to get annoyed with me.
I always got my own way as a child, and in previous relationships they just did what I said (so to speak).
Now I’ve meet the man of my dreams, and understandably it annoys him when I constantly have digs at him and tell him 'don't do this or go and do that'. I know when I do it and we usually just laugh it off when I start...But me telling him to change the TV channel last night, broke the camels back, as I wanted him to stop watching his programme and turn it to mine immediately. He said that I just expect him to do what I want, when I want and he can't have a say in anything.
I’m like this with everyone; mum, dad, sisters etc. I’m just a complete bossy cow, and it’s upsetting my fiancé.
I’m not like this 24/7, but when I do have a go it’s upsetting him, and I don't want to hurt or lose him.
How can I stop letting little things wind me up so much? I'm a Taurus and the eldest of 5..
2007-06-02
00:56:42
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16 answers
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asked by
ஐ♥PinkBoo - TTC #1♥ஐ
5
in
Health
➔ Mental Health
CONSTRUCTIVE ANSWERS ONLY Cheers x
2007-06-02
00:57:02 ·
update #1
I'm in complete tears over this, and i do want honest answers.. We do have times when we just laugh about me moaning too much, but i feel some day i may just push him to far... I really don't want to be so picky about things.. cheers for your answers so far x
2007-06-02
01:11:40 ·
update #2
Well, you have taken the first step and that's admitting that you are doing this. Maybe you can talk to your family and ask them to help you catch yourself doing this. If they stop you every time and point it out to you (in a nice way), then maybe eventually you will be able to control it. If you don't think that will help you should probably talk to a professional about this.
2007-06-09 06:30:09
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answer #1
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answered by Kari M 2
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You, lady, have been conditioned. You've grown up getting your own way and expect everything to be done when and how you want it. You say jump - they say how high.
A relationship is a two way street and although you may not want to hear it, unless you change your ways, you WILL lose your fiance.
Think about it - how would YOU feel being told to change the channel from something youre really enjoying, just because your fiance said so? You would spit the dummy out.
I truly believe that the answer is compromise - you need to stop demanding and start asking politely. You need to stop expecting that you deserve to get anything and everything your way.
Your fiance has found the courage to say "no" and although this may help the situation, you need to build a foundation on which you realise that, hey, fair enough, youre not getting what you want, but does it REALLY matter in the grand scheme of things?
You dont want to lose your prince charming, so dont let the diva in you turn you into a troll.
good luck!
2007-06-08 20:37:53
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answer #2
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answered by xCassiEx 3
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Practise one of the 5 relaxation techniques at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 2. Get 2 TVs, with a divider in between, with 2 sets of headphones, so you can both watch what you want to. Offer to flip a coin, to decide things which don't really matter, and learn to accept not getting your way some of the time: relationships are about give and take. He WILL LEAVE, if you don't change!
2007-06-02 08:27:32
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answer #3
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answered by Anonymous
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You want constructive answers only...but do you want to hear the truth?
You sound like a control freak and quite frankly a spoilt person that is used to having everything you way.
Well now you have to learn to compromise with your boyfriend else you will lose him. No man wants to be treated by his partner like a child. You have to accept that he has his own opinions and ideas. You may have got your family to do things your way but your boyfriend is having none of it.
You have to learn to say " OK that's your opinion..I may not agree...but you are entitled to your own opinion....agree to disagree...then you wont be forever arguing.
Your fella has already said to you that you want things all your own way and that he does not have a say...so change or you will be alone..
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You obviously are aware that you are too argumentative which is a good sign. Only you an act and do something about it though hun. Have a good heart to heart with your boyfriend and maybe you could work out a plan...that if you start arguing then you will HAVE to agree to differ.
You are right that the danger is that one day you may take things to far and really hack him off...so act now.....
you are the one in control of your own actions....
2007-06-02 08:04:57
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answer #4
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answered by laplandfan 7
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It's time to grow up. You got away with this behaviour as a child but now it has to stop or you'll push your fiance right out of your life. Make a life changing decision to stop this negative behaviour and begin to replace it with positive behaviour eg. instead of constantly demanding what you want, learn to compromise and put the other person first. It wont happen overnight but if your fiance sees that you are genuinly trying to change I'm sure he will want to encourage you and help you any way he can.
2007-06-07 18:31:00
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answer #5
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answered by flutterby 5
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You have grown up getting your own way and so you have this inbuilt need for people to do what you want when you want it.
It's about not being seen and not being heard, basically there is still an insecure frightened child inside of you who feels unloved and so people have to constantly 'prove' their love for you by making you feel happy and their feelings become secondary to your needs.
If you don't get your own way you get angry or upset. No doubt as a child you would have tantrums and use attention seeking devices to get your own way and that has carried on into adult life.
Effectively when you don't get your own way you have a 'tantrum' metaphorically stamping the foot like a spoilt child.
Once you begin to recognise these traits it becomes easier to deal with it.
I suspect with four younger siblings you found you weren't getting you share of your parents attention, especially as for a time you had 100 percent of it.
Now it's time to move on and address these issues which will destroy your relationship sooner or later.
You want the whole world to rescue you and I'm afraid it gets too tiring after a while.
Hope this helps.
2007-06-02 08:10:58
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answer #6
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answered by Mars 4
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Could it be that you are suffering from low self esteem and trying to control people's behaviour is an attempt to feel better about yourself? maybe if you can get your way with people it's kind of 'proof' that you have power or arent being weak or a victim to anyone else?
It sounds distressing that you are pushing away your partner when you obviously love him very much. I'd recommend seeking some counselling to talk this through further.
All the best.
2007-06-08 14:27:32
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answer #7
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answered by flowerpot 2
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This is a basic life skill you should have learned as a child.
The fact that you did not means you are either incapable, or you have lived a sheltered life with a silver spoon in your mouth.
It's a simple idea of compromise, and respect for someone you "say" you care about.
Are you capable of empathy?
Hopefully your fiance' will wise up and move on
2007-06-02 08:08:55
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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Sounds like you have both control issues and insecurity issues. Eventually anyone would become burned-out over the controlling nature of someone, even someone they loved.
I recommend that you get into counseling immediately, both individual for yourself to identify why you have these control issues and couple's counseling to maintan a positive relationshiop with the man.
2007-06-08 14:14:05
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answer #9
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answered by banananose_89117 7
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You asked for honest answers OK.You seemed to be spoiled rotten as a child ,and now you know no different .The basic fact of a happy relationship is GIVE AND TAKE .Good LUCK
2007-06-02 10:42:11
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answer #10
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answered by Linda 6
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