I have been going church since Dec I was introduced by new group of friends, one of the guys Tim, I really like and he said he feels the same, problem is another girl in our group likes him, he said he dosent feel the same but still does not want to hurt her and secondly because im not a proper christian or anything yet, some people at the church have said its not a good idea to go out with me, and that they may have to excuse him from clubs that he helps out with, if he was to go out with me. I feel people at the church are judging me and are influencing his decision, I used to do modelling but have given that up since going to church and have given up drink because I want to show Tim that I really like him and that I dont want to mess around, and as christians believe marriage is for life he is worried that I wont be able to do that but I would, I dont know what to do or how to prove im for real.
I see him alone a bit but still we are not official and I dont want to loose him, help!
2007-06-02 00:36:47 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The decision on whether or not to go out together is no-ones but yours and Tim's.
If the people at the 'church' are that influential on peoples relationships then I would be very dubious about them.
You say that you have given up modelling because of the church and drink since meeting Tim. If you were involved in the seedier side of modelling then that's good - but if it was legit modelling, and could have been a career for you, then I'm not so sure!
Also with the drink - if it was, or was becoming a problem, then again that's good - but if you only drink occasionally then again, I'm not so sure!
Yes, Christan's do believe in marriage for life, but everyone makes mistakes! On each to the 2 occasions I made my marriage vows, I meant them, I really thought that each relationship was going to be 'until death us do part', and i guess in a way there were - only it was the death of love, not the death of a person.
The feelings you have for Tim may well be love, but also be open to the possibility that they aren't! If he's showing you caring and tenderness and compassion (unlike some of the rest of the church members it seems) and you've not had a lot of that before, them maybe its just infatuation. I say 'just' but I know that the feeling can be as strong and as deep and painful as love - the difference being they don't last long.
Sit down, the two of you, and really talk this through. You also need to sit and really think this through for yourself. When you have done this, you will be far more able to make informed decisions about your future - and if it include Tim as a friend, a lover, a life mate, or not at all!
2007-06-02 02:44:10 · answer #1 · answered by h s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A church that vets personal relationships and applies sanctions like keeping the guy out of clubs - that's a cobweb to fly out of pretty fast. What makes it worse is that you are TRYING. You haven't fully committed but you've been going along since December with a serious attitude. But Tim's not in the clear either : he doesn't trust you when you say you will stay with him for life. He can't blame that on the church; that's HIS call.
2007-06-02 07:48:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think its healthy to change everything about yourself and your life just to fit in with a guy, if this other girl isnt in a relationship with him and never has been why would his seeing you hurt her?? other peoples reactions to you may just be because you are a new face but id beware of being a sheep and following the crowd into things you dont want just to feel accepted, if this guy feels the same as you he will make his feelings clear and wont feel the need to hide them from his friends, if he continues to suggest private meetings and chooses to hide your relationship from other people in the group i would strongly question this and the possibility that he may have other motives. best of luck and remember to believe in yourself
2007-06-02 07:45:41 · answer #3 · answered by jojo 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay first off no one in that church has a right to judge you . No one has any right to tell him what to do except his parents . and if they do exclude him from some groups that is not a church ,that is a cult and they are trying to bend you and him to their way of thinking . I dont like churches that are borderline cults . find somewhere else to worship . god is the only one that should be able to judge you.
2007-06-02 07:41:21 · answer #4 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if it causein u this much grief b4 u even got newere wif him id give it a miss....sum1 out there will love u for u,u shudnt change for ne1 but urself
2007-06-02 07:42:36 · answer #5 · answered by kookiemonster32 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just try to be u, god will help u, dont try to do something will will later put u introuble
2007-06-02 08:08:41 · answer #6 · answered by rockers 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
be happy and single
2007-06-02 07:38:41 · answer #7 · answered by shelokay 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋