the last three men i have dated have told me they don't want children. however they wait until they are way into the relationship to tell me. 2 yrs, 2 months and most recently 8 months...i thought 8 month guy was the one...how can i get this info settled sooner? getting drunk with them only seems to brong about lies.asking them sober too early brings iffy statements......how can i ask a guy early and get the truth and make sure he is not just hitting on me and telling me what i want to hear?
2007-06-01 21:38:46 · 12 answers · asked by Jessica 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ps. i'm a patient girl but i'm getting into my 30's after at least a month i'd like to know if he wants kids or not or at least its not worth it...i guess i want long term..not just a fling...
2007-06-01 21:41:03 · update #1
there are several ways to do this....when you first start dating someone....you can ask them?.....you can say this is where I see myself in 5 years....married with a child...blah blah...or you can say what do you think about children if you were in a committed relationship....just be you and unique ask questions.....you won't never know unless you do
2007-06-01 21:43:34 · answer #1 · answered by Mama C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it's too awful to casually ask early on without seeming like you're ready to have kids right away. It's only fair, really. Whether or not to have kids is one of those things you can't compromise on, either you have 'em or you don't.
Maybe, next time around, if it hasn't been casually discussed withing 2 weeks or so (while you're still dating and not committed yet), mention that the last 3 guys you dated said the never wanted children. Tell him that you're not ready for kids yet but someday it's something you want to have a family. He'll tell you how he feels.
Just so you know... Older guys tend to want kids more than younger ones. One of my best male friends is in his 30's and really wants to find a woman to settle down with and have kids. He's been in relationships and all but just hasn't found the right one, and for some reason he keeps meeting younger women that don't want to have kids for 5-10 more years. Ah, the irony! In any case, they're out there! :)
2007-06-01 21:47:24 · answer #2 · answered by 1M9 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way I can think of is to just ask them in the most general way early on. "Do you want to have children someday?" I don't know about other guys, but I'd answer a question like that honestly without beating around the bush. It is important to know, after all. You might also have better luck looking for guys in different places than you're used to. Maybe it's just the kind of crowd you hang with that has so many guys like that. Good night!
2007-06-01 21:43:43 · answer #3 · answered by anonymous 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like truth came out like by saying let cat out of bag. and have to accept what other person wants like no kids if want to keep and gives a good indication that might have to move on if dont like getting lied too since cannot change person or lies but can change partner and doing for your benefit and hopefully pleasure since rthere is nothing worse than settling when getting lied to and a drunk is bad news. if klying will never get the truth how can you. your only truth was a rude awakening saying go or say and be treated like crap. hope it woke u up.
2007-06-01 21:45:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well don't ask him directly.just have normal conversation about everyday stuff and then start talking about some friends children or something.tell him how adorable/or not :) they are. He will prob start joining in in the conversation about children.I believe communication is the best key to any relationship,so in future get all of this little issues out of the way before you get serious about the guy.Good luck
2007-06-01 21:47:21 · answer #5 · answered by jo v 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you're rushing to bed too soon. Maybe getting drunk is no solution to anything. Try conversation instead. If you two can keep talking you could gradually get more detailed, for instance, "where do you see yourself in ten years?" Then again, maybe none of these guys were the one for forever, just the one for now..
2007-06-01 21:43:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As soon as the two of you get together, bring it into the conversation. EG: 'One day I would love kids of my own' and watch the reaction. If you are constantly receiving the wrong reaction, then maybe you are dating the wrong type of guy or they feel they are too young yet.
2007-06-01 21:44:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be patient. Its the only thing. If you love this guy, then patience will lead the way.
2007-06-01 21:41:19 · answer #8 · answered by Erin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lay down the law and be upfront its the best way to go that way everyone knows where they stand
2007-06-01 21:44:29 · answer #9 · answered by new2town81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tell them from the very start.
2007-06-01 21:41:43 · answer #10 · answered by exo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋