What should you do when your husband masturbates next to you thinking that you are asleep and not seeing him?

Question

I dont know what to do about this.He doesnt touch me anymore and if he does, right after that he starts blaming me for one thing or another right after romance.he makes me feel bad about myself all the time.Its like everything i do is wrong to him, and he just want me to do what he wants without taking any consideration.

Answer 1

Just put your hand on "him" and take over the job. He will either move to the next phase or let you finish. Either way he will be happy and so should you. It will help the two of you reconnect and start making things better.

Oh and no talking unless he does first.

Answer 2

Oh sweetie...you are in a bad way. Sounds like a complete communication break down bordering on emotional abuse. You need a mediator. Pastor, counselor, someone who can be neutral. No family members no friends. Someone who wont take sides and you two need to TALK. Boundaries need to be set. No low blows, no blaming. The two of you need to come up with ways to resolve whatever is going on. Only he knows the root of his issue with you. Him masturbating could be nothing...or it is a symptom of the problem. Like I said, you are not going to get the answer here. He knows why he behaves the way he does. He also knows if he wants to change the behavior. He may not. But remember...never ask a question you really don't want to know the answer to!!! Good luck.

Answer 3

Well, Im not sure how open to this you are... but, you could try adding a little spice to your bedroom life. It would take work and theres a chance it might not work, but theres a chance it very well could. Like for example, try masturbating infront of him. Don't let him touch you, make him sit there and watch. Guys are very much into visual stimulation, and that might get him very turned on. Also you could try other random ideas dealing with visual stuff. Like dress up for him.... im not talking a pretty dress or anything.... im talking a teddy or garter belt with thigh highs.... or crotchless panties.... different things. Wrap some thick ribbon around yourself covering your private areas and tie it with a bow, greet him at the front door after work this way and let him untie you. Basically have a lil fun and use your imagination.
Sounds like your marriage is just in need of a lil spice and that your hubby could be stressed out from work possibly.

Heres something else I just thought of that may help...
If you are able to.... fix your hubbys favorite meal or get it for him, chill his favorite beverage (like soda, tea, whatever), get some KY Warming liquid (its wonderful for massages), make up the bed with fresh clean sheets, perferrably silk or satin if you have them. Have a few scented candles in the bathroom ready and right before he gets home, run a hot bubble bath for him...
When he comes home from work, greet him with his favorite dinner and drink, after he eats, give his feeties a massage (not with the oil, that could cause him to slip later), ask him about his day and tell him that you want to make him feel good and have a warm bath ready for him to soak in and relax away his stress in. As he soaks and relaxes in the tub, you could write a little note saying to come to the bedroom and leave it in a place he will surely see. Then you go and dim the lights in the bedroom, perhaps light a candle or two and disrobe then lay nude waiting in bed for him. When he comes in there, treat him like a king.
Surely that will get a good response from your fella. I have learned guys when stressed out are fussy. Also giving him a lil 'eye-candy' could help get him yearning for you once again.

Good luck to you both and I wish for you two many wonderful nights of nookie together!

~mj

Answer 4

You SAY it doesn't bother you, yet you have to call him out on blast EVERYTIME you THINK he jerked off? Your actions speak louder than words. If someone were punching you in the face while repeating the phrase "I'm not punching you in the face" would you believe your ears, or would you believe their fists?? First thing: 99.9% of men masturbate to porn. THEY JUST DO. It has no reflection on you AT ALL. Men need to eat, sleep, have sex, and masturbate... and usually in that order. Secondly, you ARE PSYCHO for doing what you're doing. GIVE THE MAN SOME DAMN PRIVACY for god's sakes. Third- he is NEVER going to tell you about this (or anything private) if you keep playing Bitchlock Holmes and accusing him everythime you leave the effing house. You ARE INSANE for checking his towel EVERYTIME you come home. That is just BAT SH*T CRAZY as far as I'm concerned. You are invading his privacy. You know what, how would you like it if he did something like that to you? You're crazy. I am surprised he's still around to tell you the truth. Basically, as long as you do this it's going to get worse. If you wanna' try to CALM THE F*CK DOWN and fix it, then try watching PORN with him while giving him oral, or whatever he likes. That will be a start to show him it really doesn't bother you. Then leave him alone and quit accusing him- FOREVER. Not just until he starts to open up to you, but forever. Leave the man alone, give him some freakin' privacy. If you DO catch himin the act, react lightheartedly. Ask him if he wants assistance :) Ask if he'd like a Kleenex. Then do what he asks.... either leave him alone to finish or help him out. Last time I walked in on my man just about to jerk off, he froze. DVD drawer stickin' out of the player with a DVD in it.... and he just froze. I could tell he was embarassed so I pretended I didn't see. When he left the room, I turned the DVD player on, fast forwarded it to something I thought was sexy, then I hit pause. I went into the kitchen kissed him goodbye and went to work. WHen I leflt he went back in the bedroom and it was all ready to go for him. He didn't say anthing about it, neither did I. When I got home that night, I said, "Babe? Who's your favorite Little Rascal?" and his face turned red and he said, "Spanky," and we both laughed about it. YOU will NEVER get that if you keep up you shenanigans. Jeezus lady lay off. Give the poor guy a break.

Answer 5

Well, I had a partner that used to do that, it wasn't because he didn't want me to know, I had just maybe fallen asleep. If it woke me up I'd often roll over and we'd make love, but sometimes I'd be sleepy, and being slightly aroused, pretend to stay asleep but it was kind of neat. I know for a fact that he was probably awake some nights when I would.... ;)

But this is a minor thing you can fix, either join in and if he doesn't like it then he's quite clearly inundated with problems.
Actually, why would he blame you for anything? You can't read his mind about what he wants, he has to tell you clearly. And then it is up to you whether or not you do it or not. If you ask me, he is lucky.
Does he reciprocably do whatever you ask him when he wants?
He seems selfishly prudish and is blaming you for his own sexual insecurities. Not to mention that he doesn't seem to have enough faith in you to be open enough to whatever is going on in his mind.
A lot of men are always saying 'I wish my wife was more dirty', not realising that they have better imaginations than they do. Perhaps they don't want to think that because the idea of living with a woman who can play the whore is distasteful to them.
But we are all human and filled with so many complexities. To want a lot of things and variety with the person you love and choose to give your body to is a beautiful thing indeed and nothing to be ashamed of.
Tell him clearly that you want to play, openly and honestly in bed, that you want him to stop getting on your case and enjoy all of the wonderful gifts you offer. If he doesn't buck up, leave him. There IS more to life than sex, but it seems that a man with his kind of attitude is not going to make you as happy as you deserve to be.

Answer 6

Is he stressed in any other aspect of his life? Maybe he is having sexual problems. There is obviously a problem in how he treats you if he is making you feel bad all the time. You are your own person, and you deserve to be treated with respect. I believe a marriage should be a mutual thing. If he is treating you badly, and you have tried to talk to him about how he makes you feel, then you might consider getting some sort of couples counseling or just standing up for yourself and saying no to his behavior. Maybe if he sees that you will not allow him to treat you with disrespect, he will realize what an *** he is. And if not, then you deserve someone better, and you might think about leaving him.

Answer 7

Because of everything you described about the way he treats you, I think his masturbating is his way of disrespecting and putting you down to the ultimate degree. Why are you hanging on to a man that is telling you in every way that he doesn't want you? He wants his idea of a women. He is a spoiled and selfish brat. You deserve someone who loves YOU. You have the power to change your life all you have to do is take it.

Answer 8

U got any kids? If not, u need a new husband.

I mean when I first read the title to this my thought was, hey this girl ain't givin her hubby enough. But i see it ain't like that at all.

If he ain't even touchin u, then he's masturbating then he ain't interested in u no more. And if all he does is rag on u, then u need to find someone else.

Answer 9

my ex did the same thing around me, but he never stopped touching me though. i thought he was being quite disrepectful for doing that cause it wasnt like i wouldnt give it to him had he asked. to answer your question tell your husband that your tired of his lack of intimacy with you and that you get offended by him masturbating next to you. you probably have already tried telling him this but try telling him again so that in the event of you walking out he cant say you didnt talk to him or make yourself available.

Answer 10

I would punch him really hard whilst facing the other direction and pretend you didnt know he was masturbating. Pretend you were just having a 'bad dream'. seriously, This will get your point across.