Is this Christianity in a nutshell?

Question

"The universe was created by an all-powerful all-knowing being who came down to us in the form of a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father who can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree."
-- every Christian in America

~*Pi*~: By your logic, people who have a sense of humor and laugh at silly things in life are bitter? I feel sorry for *you*.
Lighten up. Enjoy life.

Lol... I find it hilarious that some of you are apparently so upset and offended by your OWN beliefs! I may have worded it comicly, but did I say a single thing that isn't true? Nope.

So why the anger?

Hmmm... still lots of bitterness yet I have not heard any of you tell me which parts were inaccurate (except the couple who apparently don't know what a zombie is (Hint: coming back from the dead)... invitrofertilization? lolwtf?

Don't blame me, I don't write this stuff up, blame your religion.

Answer 1

Not a zombie a vampire. He was able to carry on conversations and by drinking his blood you come under his influence.


Aleister Crowley Had a parable which he claimed explained western religion and/or civilization:

A soldier found himself on a long train ride in a compartment also occupied by a middle-aged gentleman with a perforated box on his lap. The soldier tried to strike up a conversation by asking
"Excuse me sir, but what do you have it that box?"
"It is a bit presumptuous of you to ask young man but there's no harm in telling you, it's a mongoose" said the gent
"Isn't that a rather exotic pet for England?"
" It is not so much as a pet but as a cure"
"A cure?"
"Well as a perfect stranger I imagine I can divulge a family secret. You do not know me and I doubt we will meet again. My younger brother is a bit of a wastrel and the black sheep of the family. He's taken to gambling and whoring and both drinking heavily and taking drugs. It seems he's developed Delirium Tremens, he imagines he sees poisonous snakes everywhere. So I am bringing the mongoose to help him."
"But sir, Don't you realize these snakes are imaginary?"
"So is the mongoose."

Answer 2

No, that is perversity in a nutshell. A zombie by definition, is a dead person brought back to life without speech or free will. Jesus is a supernatural being who manifested human form, and was resurrected as part of the Holy Trinity, the Savior aspect of God. There goes the zombie and 'own father' definition as applicable to Jesus Christ. The communication with Jesus is not telepathic, it is tactile, sense orientated, and generally vocalized. There goes the telepathic implication. Jesus does not remove the evil spirit within you, you remove it with the help of Jesus (evil action resulting from the application of free will). The mainstay of the work is up to the individual however, not the supernatural. The tree of knowledge is symbolic as well as the fruit, Eve ate of the the fruit (the resulting action of temptation) of the tree of life/knowledge and was punished by this consequence (immediately made aware of her nakedness, struck from the Garden). There goes the telepathic and 'magical tree' implication. The snake aka a creature devoid of compassion, conscience or goodness, is symbolic of the internal and external workings of Lucifer. In sum, your entire premise is false, illogical, and neglects symbolism in total. It is only an attempt (and not a particularly successful one) to degrade those things that we have not the mentality nor ability to comprehend fully. Additionally, you inadvertently established a base for proof of and not the alternative. Reread your piece, and the resulting responses. God bless.

Answer 3

Invitro-fertilization is more like it.Re- animation would be a Zombie.Using only 10% of our brains( a bit less in my case) it's difficult to understand how 1x1x1=1 God .The Father was still up there when the Son came down.
I eat the broken bread ,and grape juice that " represents" his body.(When the disciples asked Him about eating his flesh and drinking his blood,He said" I speak spiritually,the flesh profits nothing".)
I happen to believe ,before the "Fall" they communicated telepathically with all creation.That's a lost gift of God that springs up in people from time to time as does the Genius gene.We were a lot smarter before the Flood you know.Are you surprised God knew how to clone from the DNA of Adam's rib marrow? I was as a kid but not now.
I am an American Christian and proud of it!
An old surfer from the 60s here in good ol' So. California.

Answer 4

WRONG...ahaha, heres christianity

God creates man, he gives us free will and the power to choose how we live life. If we turn our backs he'll just let us leave, he'll watch over us and make sure any suffering isn't to hard to bare, but still hard enough that it'll be hell to get over. He loves everyone and people who think he has given up only think so because God doesnt want to interfere with the fact that he gave us the freedom to choose how we live life. The reason why life is miserable is because people made dumb choices and it became like that. So basically, you dont have to believe in him...but if you do, your life will become harder because you have actually believe in him, that means you know who he is and how much he loves us so you live a life of good and pretty much pass on worldly things. so no, people believing that christianity is an easy ticket to heaven are hypocrites,

Christianity is choosing a lifestye that is filled with hardships because you have to fight what the world wants you to do.

Answer 5

Only for people who have nothing between their ears and therefore can't grasp any of the deeper symbolic meanings in the Bible. Quite pathetic, I would say.

Answer 6

This satirical farce of the word of God is very disrespectful. Those of us who fear God, our heavenly father, would never have the desire to tempt Him as you have. This fear of God is the reason we Christians seek redemption from our sins. In a nutshell, God loves the whole world so much that he gave is own Son as the perfect blood sacrifice to redeem the sins of anyone who simply believes.

Answer 7

Now I'm scared & scarred for life...that sounds like a 70's acid trip.

Answer 8

You have to want to seek truth in order to find it.

We could make fun of Stephen Hawking because he's in a wheel chair and can't talk, but that wouldn't make the necessity to pursue physical truth less valid.

Making fun of Christianity doesn't make the pursuit of spiritual truth less valid.

Answer 9

Don't over simplfied it. While your burning in Hell, you will regret asking such a stupid question. But just get saved, and it's all cool. Jesus really does LOVE you. Don't turn Him down.

Answer 10

You got it
lol