I have 2 boys that have been diagnosed with ADHD/ODD......how do I deal with them?

Question

My oldest age 9 just has ADHD and my middle son age 7 has ADD/ODD, mood disorder amoung other disorders. I also have a 2 year old. And I am a single mom. I need help so I don't get stressed out so easily.

Answer 1

Boy do I have mercy on you. I have 2 grandsons ages 8 and 6 who are brothers and from the time they get up, until they are sleeping, their main goal is to drive everyone batty.
Seriously, find a recommended family counselor and pyschiatrist, preferrably that can work together as a team with you and the boys.
Don't listen to anyone on here who says anything negative to you. Until they have lived through this themselves, they should shut up and not offer an opinion.
It would be great if you can get the boys involved in team sports, (whatever interests them) or let them play outside as much as possible to wear off the excess energy, if you live in an area where outside play is possible. Otherwise take them to the YMCA or a program like that.
You will have to be consistent with discipline, yet not rigid. Both boys are probably quite intelligent. Let them help you make some decisions but be careful or they will try to control you. It is really important that they get enough sleep. Set a regular bedtime and stick to it. They may need as much as 10-12 hours sleep a night, but maybe not. In order to calm them down before sleep, read to them about 10 minutes. Make sure you follow a routine with the bathroom, drink, kiss, hug, story, etc. Tell them you love them, you are not ansering any more questions, turn out the light and leave the room. You will find, if you haven't already, when they are excessively tired, they get even more wound up and will even fight going to sleep. Don't tell them they are going to bed. Just follow the routine and do it. If you have them on medication, make sure they get a wholesome snack at least one hour before bedtime because with some medications, they will not feel hungry at mealtimes and will have to have several small meals and several snacks.
I can provide you with all this information because my husband and I have guardianship of a grandchild that is Bipolar, ADHD, and Oppositional Defiant. No matter what, do not be afraid to ask for help. Many states have respite care available on weekends through Department of Mental Health. It is federally or state funded, you will have to find out through your local department of childrens/family services. You can take the 2 boys to a designated licensed family for a weekend or for several hours to go shopping or just to rest. I know it is very difficult not to loose your cool but if you feel like you are going to, call your state hotline and tell them you need some assistance with the children. The state would rather provide assistance. It is cheaper than removing them.
Please do not hesitate to email me if you just want someone to know how you are feeling. When the right medications are found for your children, it will be much easier to deal with, and they won't be zombies either. Best wishes to you.

Answer 2

This is probably one of the most difficult things I have every seen in having children. The doctor will diagnose it as ADD, ADHD, etc......

Some children have more energy than others.

I have seen some children get on meds and turn out worse off than they were without the meds. Meds give horrible side effects. Actually, it make the way they are 10 times worse!!! I mean it!!! Those doctors make money prescribing those meds. Zoloft, Adderall, Prozac, Celexa, etc.... I have seen so much that these drugs do to children. It changes their skin color, facial expressions, their personality for the worse and even tends to make a sex drive at least 5x higher than normal and children definitely don't need that!

But what a child that is highly energetic (not ADD or ADHD) needs is more activities. Sports, music, dance, learning, .......not just physical things, but things that challenge their minds too. These children turn out to be great doctors, scientists, lawyers and tend to go the extra mile to be the best at what they grow up to do.

I am not trying to scare you, but if people have seen what I have they would think 3 times before putting their precious children on meds for what THE DOCTOR (PSYCHOLOGIST, PSYCHIATRIST) says they have.
Read about Albert Einstein sometime.

Answer 3

I genuinely feel for you because the road ahead is going to be difficult.
Some people that answered this question seem to know what they are talking about about while others don't have a frigging clue .
A combination of medication, exercise and behavior modification will allow you to establish a toe hold on getting a handle on what you are actually dealing with.
To deal with ADD/ADHD on a daily basis you need to understand it's trigger points and how it all works
*ADD brains are wired differently then non-ADD brains
*What works on a non ADD brain can be a waste of time on an ADD brain
*An ADD person does 100mph sitting still; in order to stop energy must be used going in the opposite direction. Kind of visualize how a spacecraft actually behaves and all the applicable laws of motion.
*An ADD brain requires a very specific amount of distraction in order to concentrate
In a classroom setting the worst places to put an ADD student is by an open window , an open door or in the back of the room.
That does come with a warning ; Unknown to the general public ADD people do have a hyperfocusing component in their mental make -up. So if you properly place that child in the front of a classroom, an incidence or two of hyper-focusing can lead to some embarrassing situations.
I can tell you from personal experience that I have been focusing so hard on one problem , that when the instuctor asked me a question about it , I actually had to re-orient myself with my environment prior to answering it.
*The worst environment for an ADD brain to study in is the absolute quiet of a library.
After changing many majors and dropping in and out of many institutions of higher learning I managed to get my degree.
I discovered that the ideal environment for me amd my ADD brain to study in was the front seat of my Lincoln ,parked in some remote corner of the parking lot with a cup of coffee in the cup holders , my feet out the window amd the radio on full blast .
I discovered that it was the right balance of distraction.
More :
The exponential growth of frustration that becomes the exponential growth of anger loop.
ADD people get angry because they get frustrated. ADD people get frustrated because they are doing 100mph sitting still and trying like all hell to pass a huge volume of information thru a very small hole-their mouth.
The person on the receiving end doesn't understand the info, the ADD person tries to explain again, mistakingly thinking that more information is the solution,things accelerate and anger is the result.
There is also a similiar dynamic that occurs that results in things like possessions being lost and bodily injuries happening.
In both cases the secret to controlling it is early detection and actually coming to a complete physical stop.
Obviously there is more to it all , but that's a start
Good luck

Answer 4

My 9-yr old has severe ADHD and (supposedly) mild autism. He's been on Concerta since age 5. He can't function without it. He just runs about wildly flailing his arms, slobbering all over, and bouncing off the walls. Before his dose was right on Concerta (he's on the max), school was calling me every other day to "come and get him". It was VERY frustrating. I feel for you having 2 children with these conditions. It's SO hard. I have a husband, but he's not really there for us, mostly checked out most of the time, so I often FEEL as if I'm going it alone. You can email me if you'd like to talk. : )

Answer 5

I am a 26 year old man that has been diagnosed with adhd since I was 11 years old. And i honestly do not know how to tell you to control this, as my parents had a hard time doing so with me. Is adderal out of the question? That would actually help greatly at school. Another thing is to keep them busy as much as possible. put them in sports. I know that would help. They need outlets to get rid of all that energy. So keep them busy would be my best advice. My parents tried that with me but gave up easily. I was a pain in the ***, I don't blame them. But you have to keep with them and give things to do, no matter how exhausting it is. I have a baby on the way am I am very worried that it is going to inherit my add. So I already am starting to plan and letting my girlfriend what to expect and how we need to handle, because as you know, kids with add are relentless. Hope I helped you.

Answer 6

Dear Mother,

40 years ago, those boys would have just been called "rowdy," or some such. Nowadays, they want to make every little wrinkle in our personality into some kind of disorder. My goodness, they've even got a "restless leg syndrome" out there.

And if your boys were always wanting to be good little boys, they'd probably say they were suffering from "Do Gooder Complex" or something.

I heard a very experienced foster parent--who had kept several so-called ADHD kids--say that all they need is discipline.

That hard, being a single mother. But you ARE the mother. So BE the mother.

First, it's OK for boys to be boys, so long as they aren't doing something dangerous or destructive. Let them yell, run, enjoy life.

Second, boys will get a bit messy and overly rowdy at times. That's OK. So long as they know that there are times when that is not acceptable.

Best bet is to get them in a church with lots of programs for kids. Take them often. They learn how to act around others, have things to occupy them, and best of all, they learn about Jesus.

I've got a rowdy but wonderful little boy. He's not ADHD. He's just OHPB--One Hundred Percent Boy. And that's OK. I was too.

Also, you being a woman, you likely don't "get" their behavior, and think it is crazy. While a father would know that it's just boys being boys.

I wish you well.

Oh, a GREAT book is "Bringing Up Boys" by Dr. James Dobson. Those boys NEED a father. Make it happen.

Answer 7

Noah Thomas Isaiah James Savannah Jade Madelyn Rose

Answer 8

View ODD at http://www.mentalhealth.com See ADHD and stress at http://www.ezy-build.net.nz/~shaneris on page 7, and practise daily and when needed, one of the 5 relaxation techniques on page 2. Do they have a positive male role model in their lives?

Answer 9

You need to work closely with their psychiatrists and therapist for starters. Medications will be a great help. There are some states that provide services within the home, like therapists and behavior specialist who will help you in the home. You need to ask your psychiatrist about this. You may want to look for a summer program especially for ADD kids and as for school, request the school to assess them for emotional support classes.

Answer 10

becareful, Is so easy to say oh your child has ADD,here's some pills that will make them better. It just masks the real isusses. Get second opinions always when dealing with your children. Really research any type of medications they put your children on and look into all options.