Some people are telling me I am wrong for not telling my daughter I am pregnant.......?

Question

She is TWO and I don't thinks she has a LARGE concept of time. I can say that she can play "later" or maybe "tomorrow" and she will get it, but I don't think she will get "Mommy is going to have a baby in January, right after your birthday". I thought we would tell her when it gets closer to time and she may understand more because she may SEE mommy's belly and understand a little more.

But we are already teaching her to be gentle. She likes to play rough and daddy is already teaching her to be "gentle with mommy". LOL! It is REALLY cute!

Are we doing the right thing in not telling her everything because she is so young or should we be making her trying to understand??

Thanks for all the great answers! I am going to put it to vote, I can't choose just one!!

THANKS!!!!!

Answer 1

I don't think she would understand, but maybe start introducing the concept of a baby brother/sister to her.

Answer 2

You could try explaining about having a baby soon... say something like "Not tomorrow or the next day, but soon" and point out a baby next time you're both out and about.. maybe say "Mommy is going to have one too, soon... you'll be a big sister! You'll have someone to play with all the time."

Kids are really smart, I think that the trick may be just finding the best way to explain it. I do think that she should have some sort of heads up because a new baby is going to be a biiiiig change for her; she's not going to be the center of attention anymore. I was watching SuperNanny and the sibling thing came up and she gave some good advice: "Try to include the older siblings in caring for the new baby.. it will make them feel included rather than pushed to the side and neglected." Or something to that effect. I wish my parents had tried that approach.

I agree, though, it may be easier to explain once you really show signs of being pregnant.

Congratulations on what I'm sure is a beautiful family :) Good luck!

Answer 3

You are doing everything fine. She won't understand the concept of "waiting til January". Maybe wait until you have your scan and take her along so she can see the bubby.

She will still probably be impatient for her new sibling to come as you get closer mark the weeks off for her...

As your tummy grows and it is more noticable for her then talk about it more. Involve her in the pregnancy then as much as possible. Ask her to pick a book out at night that you can read her & the bubby.

Get her some non toxic paints & get her to paint a picture for bubby on your belly (will make for some fantastic photos).

I suggest also getting her a dolly of her own to care for when bub is due, that way she can play mommies to and after watching you she will be more cautious with bub.

Enjoy your pregnacy & congrats.

Answer 4

You're right, she's too young to "understand", but it wouldn't hurt to introduce those words to her at her early age either. She won't understand, but she will get it, especially when your belly starts showing more and even more so when the new baby gets here. Little ones may not understand that there's a new sibling coming, but they can sense it and they will start acting different towards you. My first born started showing an attitude change when I was pregnant with my 2nd child and he didn't want much to do with me, and this behaviour from him started early on in my pregnancy and he was only a yr old, so they may not understand words, but they do know that there are some changes happening. Give them more credit, they do understand something is going on.

Answer 5

I can understand you not wanting to tell her that you are having a baby because of her concept of time, Although when you are teaching her to play gentle it may actually help her to understand why she needs to be playing gentle with mummy. But in the end this is your family a totally your decision good luck with everything and congrats.

Answer 6

We waited until my daughter who is also 2 noticed my belly and asked about it before we told her mommy had a baby in there. If your not showing enough for her to notice then wait until she asks.
But as your due date gets closer you need to have told her and make sure she knows who and where she will be staying when mommy goes to get baby from the hospital!
Good Luck and congrats!

Answer 7

Yes and no. She may have a better grasp of time and pregnancy than you think. I think waiting until you are a little farther along so you have a belly is a good idea. That way, she can see the physical changes in you. But I wouldn't not tell her either. Just point to your belly and tell her there is a baby in there. Use one of her baby dolls as a visual. If she expresses interest in it and wants to know more, than good for her. But if she looks at you and has no interest, then wait and tell her in a few months.
I have a few friends who have been in your situation. Both told there little ones (also around 2) and had positive results. Both toddlers got excited and thought they had babies in their bellies too. (This was funny considering they were both boys!) In the end, use your parental judgement. You do know best in her situation. Congrats and good luck.

Answer 8

i told my son (who was 18 months when we found out) I don't think he understands about When baby will come but he understands where baby is. My three year old told me that the baby needed to walk out my belly and play with her one day. Just told her mommy had to go to the hospital first. Also because of childcare problems the kids have been to almost every one of my prenatal appointments. They love to hear the baby. I would let her know that your pregnant, and answer questions she has about it.

Answer 9

when my son was 3 we were expecting, and we told him about it. We lost the baby at 20 weeks, and it was hard for him to understand. he's 5 now, and we have another baby on the way. He knows I am pregnant, but this one is going better than the last. Wait until you know everything is ok, so you don't have to explain a possible loss to a 2 yr old.

Answer 10

You need to explain it to her as best as you can, when you start setting stuff up for baby. Get her excited about the real baby coming. Show her baby pictures to her and tell her that she is getting a pretty baby. Let her help out.

And little more credit should given to you child, they can understand a lot more. My daughter was ready for the baby at 2 1/2.

Answer 11

For Pete's Sake!! She cant fathom what is going on with you!! Not now anyway! You are doing the right thing! Go with your gut! You are doing it right..Tell those other people you would just prefer to do it this way since there is no way she will understand.. Maybe when your belly is huge, maybe...