My cousin asked my sister and I a week ago to be in her early August wedding... this summer. It was a very last minute offering considering she asked all of her other bridesmaids months ago. I am a sophomore in college (which I am paying for myself) and I just found out the dresses are almost $400. I am really tight on money, and I don't know if I can afford it, as much as I want to. I really want to be there for my cousin on her special day... but on such short notice, the money is hard to come up with it. Would the more appropriate thing to do be to withdraw from the wedding party, or should I tell her I don't have enough money and see where it goes from there? I am at a loss of what to do... any help would really be appreciated. Thanks.
2007-06-01 15:00:42 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Just be up front and say you can't afford the dress and it would probably be best to have you replaced in the wedding party.
2007-06-01 15:06:12 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her exactly what you told us.
Explain that it is last minute and that you are concentrating on college and you don't have $400 for a dress you will never wear again. (I don't care how often they say "oh but you can".....you wont) Let her know that you want to be there for her but if you can't figure something out you will have to not be part of the wedding party but will still be happy to be a guest. Perhaps you can find a different dress more in your price range and still be a part of the day by doing a reading or escorting the ring bearer. My BMs are picking their own dresses, I am just giving them a color that I want so they still coordinate. She may be open to that. Otherwise, let her know how much you can afford. She will either have to help pay for the dress or get over it.
Check Ebay too just in case. Don't feel bad about it. Nobody should put themselves in debt for a wedding, especially if it isn't even theirs. She should have consulted with her bridesmaids about what their price ranges are before picking such an exspensive dress.
2007-06-01 15:09:23 · answer #2 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Thank her for the honor of the invitation to be a bridesmaid, but tell her that you are not going to be able to participate on that level. She will understand. You will really stress if you have to come up w/ the $ like that. Don't forget the shoes you'll need, alterations w/ the dress.===it's a lot. And the shower and wedding gifts plus travel expenses.
Don't leave it an "Open question" for her that since you can't pay, then she can help. If her intention was to help she would have offered in the first place. Simply deline. It's more classy.
2007-06-01 18:12:21 · answer #3 · answered by Cloee Quips 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely tell her that you can't come up with the money to buy the dress to be in the wedding, but make sure you let her know that you appreciate being asked (as long as you do) and that you wish you could be part of her wedding party. Perhaps you could do a reading at the wedding if that would be appropriate!
2007-06-01 15:29:53 · answer #4 · answered by JQ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell her exactly what you said on here. You sound very sincere and Im sure she will appreciate you telling her that you want to be in her wedding, but you just don't have the money to buy the dress. Then you two can go from there.
You should also consider that it is usually the responsibility of the bridesmaids to help pay for the bachelorette party as well and any showers that the bachelorettes help plan. But I am sure everyone will be willing to work with you and your budget. Just be honest and things will work out for the best.
2007-06-01 15:11:28 · answer #5 · answered by C E 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is surreal that anyone picks out a $400 bridesmaid dress and expects people to fork over that kind of money. She may have asked you now because other candidates have already backed out because of the cost. You're on the right track--tell her you'd love to be in the wedding but you can't afford the dress and see if she offers to pay part of it or change dresses. You can't be the only one having trouble with this.
2007-06-01 15:31:37 · answer #6 · answered by kk 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you sit down with your cousin (just the two of you) and you tell her that you would love to be in her wedding, and that you are happy that she though to ask you it be in it. But being that you are paying for collage on your own, you don't think that you can come up with the money for the dress on such short notice. Ask if she (or her family) would be willing to pay for part or all of the cost for the dress.
2007-06-01 18:43:12 · answer #7 · answered by Crystal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her right away, dont wait any longer. Trust me
My bridesmaid told me 4 days ago that she wasnt coming to my wedding( I asked her 6 months ago, and she said she would, I bought and paid for the dresses (yes I did that) and then all of a sudden, she says... she just cant afford to come........... Was I ever mad! My wedding is in 4 weeks. try to replace someone in that short of a time, not cool. so If I were you, I'd ask her if anything if you could order a cheaper dress in the same color, but you need to talk to her immediately. dont wait any longer.
2007-06-01 15:31:08 · answer #8 · answered by mannasox 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I once told a very close friend of mine that I could not afford to be in her wedding. I was working full-time, putting myself through school and had just purchased a new home. I thought it was best to be honest with her but now we are no longer friends. Our friendship didn't end immediately after I told her but I think it was a really hard thing for her to understand and forgive and it eventually ruined our friendship. If I had it to do over again I would do whatever I could to come up with the money. Weddings are probably one of the most important days in some people's lives. Years from now it may not matter that you were IN the wedding but it will always be an issue if you are NOT in the wedding.
2007-06-01 15:18:01 · answer #9 · answered by 000000 2 · 2⤊ 3⤋
WOW $400 dresses??!?!?!?
State that you just don't have the funds for the dress and will have to unfortunately step down from your position.
She should understand, since you are only a sophomore in college, that your funds are tight.
She may offer to pay for some of it if she really wants you in her wedding.
2007-06-01 20:23:58 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋