My mom died 3 weeks before my birthday this year!!!?

Question

My mom died on April 1, 2007 and my bday was April 21st...she was 65 and Im now 37. I already lost 20 pds since mom died. I am married..but I feel like Im not a good wife right now being so depressed its hard to get household chores done. I work part time, we live out in the country, and my husband works full time. I dont see him til 10:30 at nite. What does a person do when they are by themselves all day after I come home from working 3 hours and living out in the country and cant go anywhere?? Ive discussed moving to live by my dad which is 20 miles away, but we cant afford it right now. Im by myself alone all day from 1pm to 10:30pm when he gets home. Sometimes I want to climb the walls!!! She died two months ago today and still hard, just have my dad and my brother left, but my brother lives an hr away & we arent really close, and I visit my dad 3 times a week for lunch then I come home & be more depressed. I just wish I was closer to dad besides visiting him. Im stuck!

Answer 1

It's hard losing a loved one, and I'm very sorry for your lose. I can't image how hard it must be for you to deal with the loss of your mother. Though, I don't know exactly how you feel, unfortunately I do know what it feels like to lose loved ones and it's hard. When I was 16 (I'm now 25) my friend died in a car accident, my father died of Kidney failure and my grandfather died of Cancer, all in the same year. So, even though I don't know exactly how you feel, please know I feel your pain.

I really feel for you that you have to spend so much time alone. I read that there's not much you can do at the moment to be closer to the family you have left, but do you have any friends near you that could come visit with you during the day while your husband is at work. Talking with friends helped me a lot, they would let me cry and talk about everything and most of the time they didn't say much, but just having someone with me helped. If they can't come and be with you maybe you can call or email.

I don't know much about your situation so it's hard to give suggestions of what you should do. I do know that you have to give yourself time to grieve and it's only been 2 months. I know how hard it is to be depressed and not know how to go about your daily life, so please don't be too hard on yourself for not keeping up with the household chores. Your husband should understand that you are dealing with the loss of your mother and it's not something you're just going to snap out of. Please don't shut him out though, lean on him to help you through this time.

I think that the only advice I can give you is to embrace your grief, because it will always be with you, it never goes away it just gets easier over time to deal with. It's almost been 10 years since the loss of all of my loved ones and there's not a day that go by that I don't think of them. I'm glad for that, because even though I miss them very much, I still have all of the great memories and those I will always have.

I hope I was able to help even if it was just by letting you know that there is someone else out there who can relate to what you are going through. I hope you don't mind but I'll be praying for.

Take Care!

Answer 2

I feel so sorry for you. I can't imagine the pain of losing a parent, for that has not happened to me as of yet,but, my dad is very sick, so, I know it could happen any day, and to tell you the truth I don't know if I'll be able to handle that.
But, one idea I had, if it's at all possible, why don't you ask your Dad to come live with you? That would give you more time with each other and you could help each other out emotionally as well. If your Dad is anything like mine, he wouldn't want to be anywhere else than in the country, especially with family. He's probably just as lonely and sad as you are, and I think the two of you would be good for each other. i would imagine he's going thru his own hell right now, and I really do think that you guys living together would help. I truly hope I've helped. Bless you and your father for what you are both going thru. I will pray for both of you!!!
Or you and your husband could move in with him!!! I'm sure he could use the company. One of the things a parent that's left behind feels they need to do is to be strong for the sake of your children. That's just the way a proud man is. my guess is, when he's alone, the walls come tumbling down around him. It would be nice for him to know he's not alone too. I wish you all the best!!!

Answer 3

It is hard and will be hard for a long time. My mom died two days after my bday, and one week before Christmas. She was 65 and I was 35. It may help to keep a journal of how you are feeling. There is also a book that helped me so much called 'A Time to Grieve' by Carol Staudacher. It is meditations for healing after the death of a loved one. It talks about how you feel things are your fault, how you feel your world is falling apart and how the world feels so empty right now. It really takes you through the different levels of grieving that you feel. It also may be helpful to see if a local hospital has a weekly session for those who have lost loved ones. This may help you not feel so alone when your husband is gone. As simple as it sounds, maybe you could get a kitten or puppy. Having something to love and take care of could help you through this. An animal would also keep you company while your husband is at work. God Bless!

Answer 4

Wow, what a tough query to answer and but I consider I need to even though I haven't any thought what to claim. First off, i am so sorry for your loss and i know that you just need to be hurting so badly. I wish to cry for you. I take into account, proper earlier than certainly one of my grandchildren had been born a few years in the past a buddy of mine had just misplaced an extraordinarily shut pal. She came to peer the new child just days after the funeral and he or she mentioned "when God takes one existence he replaces it with yet another." i've in no way forgotten that and it appeared to support her too. Now here it's 2 half of years later and that same daughter had a son a couple of weeks ago and as he was once being delivered, 1500 miles away his fathers cousin was being buried. I do know i have not helped you and perhaps no one on right here can. But perhaps your son is a replacement of varieties to your mother. And in the event you cannot rejoice your son's birthday this close to the anniversary of the lack of your mother, then might be you will have to celebrate his birthday one other day. What's incorrect with celebrating it later, possibly when it is a little warmer. I'm so sorry that i'm not of extra support to you but i will maintain you in my prayers.

Answer 5

It was not that long ago you lost your mom. You will have ups and downs, many downs - it's normal when you lose someone close. But, believe it or not, time will make a difference. As time goes on, you get farther away from the time of initial sadness, it gets easier. Then, you are able to concentrate more on regular life and the memories you hold dear of Mom.

The one thing we all must remember is that we will likely be with our spouses longer than our parents. That does not make our parents lesser, but it is just a fact. I could be married 50 or 60 years - if my parents were alive today, they sure would not be then. But, my wife would be there as she has always been.

It seems odd to try to explain, but you have to seperate your present grief from your being a wife. That doesn't mean you can't talk with your husband about things when needed, but it doesn't mean you drag him into your misery or take it out on him. I am sure you don't mean to, but it comes out that way.

You also need to continue to take care of yourself. Now, if losing 20 lbs. is not so bad for you, just resume proper care of yourself. After all, what kind of honor do you show your mother by not taking care of yourself? Would she want you wallering in self pity?

It is OK and recommended to grieve - it is a normal process. But, it should only last for a time. You still have time for the grieving process, but you will see that it will gradually lift. You will always miss Mom, but the deep sadness should pass in time.

If Dad is healthy and fairly domesticated, don't worry about him. Call him at least once a week. You and your brother take turns going over to see him and having him over for a visit. As long as he can cook and do laundry, he will be fine. For now, he grieves as well - I would guess your folks were married at least 40 years. He will make adjustments, but as long as he knows he has you guys, in the long run he will likely be fine.

For your lonliness, try getting involved with something in your community. Keep yourself busy - try a new hobbby. Talk to your husband about a day for you two to take a little trip, maybe a b&b somewhere, or a day-trip or just hang around the house and enjoy each others company.

No sure fire cures for sadness. It is what it is. The real key is that sadness is a part of our life, not our life itself.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry to hear about that. I think the best course is for you to find something to occupy your time with. You're still young, go join a volunteer society, help out at the library, get a job at a tutoring center, whatever. You need to give yourself something to do, so you don't sit around all day and feel sorry for yourself.

I don't think you need therapy just yet. If, however, you still feel this way after 6 months, then by all means get a counselor.

Answer 7

I'm sorry for your loss. Death is a very hard thing to get over. It's not good that you sit and think about it all the time. You have to get a hobby to keep your mind of it. It won't be easy maybe you should get a job that's more than 3 hrs. Find a friend where you live. Just keep your self busy and things will get better slowly. Good luck.

Answer 8

i'm so so so sorry on your loss :( i've got no longer lost a make certain yet I even have lost some pals to maximum cancers and it somewhat is confusing. i think of your loved ones exchange into attempting to guard you by employing no longer providing you with lots information although this is truthfully made issues harder for you and that i'm sorry. you're somewhat no longer on my own and you are able to confer with me any time, i'm on line lots!

Answer 9

Get some counseling for your grief and depression. Find something you like to do like crocheting, sewing, or crafts of some sort. Have you ever thought about asking your to come live near you or even with you (with your husband's permission of course)?

Answer 10

Go to family therapy and then go to seperate therapy and you guys could get the help that you need and I'm sorry you lost your mom I can't imagine how you feel but stay strong and know that your mom is in a better place