When I was married 2 years ago, my husbands brothers or sister attended our wedding. One was working and the other ? Now the brother is getting married and his fiance has asked me to be the Matron of honor because I introduced them. To my understanding, they do not have any issues with me. They had ample time to prepare for our wedding but I feel like it just wasnt important to them. Why should I break my back or spend my money for his wedding?
2007-06-01 14:27:01 · 17 answers · asked by pollardsha76 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If it were me I would ask the bride if I could 'get something off my chest'. (This helps them know you're being serious because if you just start saying deep things the danger is that they either don't know whether to take you seriously, or they feel like they're being attacked rather than approached).
If you're honoured to have been asked to be the matron of honour I'd recommend saying that first. I would then continue to say that one factor you considered before you could say yes is that you never knew why they didn't come to your wedding & it was important to you.
Perhaps their family does not treat wedding days the same way your family does and they didn't realise how much it hurt you. Perhaps they couldn't tell you at the time that they just found out they couldn't have children or something huge that was weighing on their minds and didn't realise how much not attending affected you.
You will feel better for finding out, and you can use their response to help you determine whether you want to go ahead with being the matron of honour.
If she doesn't respect that it upset you, you can say thanks for the offer but you don't feel suitable & your wondering will be justified.
If there is more to the story you will start your journey as matron of honour with a confidence that it's the right thing.
Good luck!
2007-06-01 15:59:19 · answer #1 · answered by cassthecoolest 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, even though they had ample time, some people really are stuck in their jobs (or whatever the other one had) to the point where they can't get the time off! Some bosses really are that big of jerks, or perhaps his time was already used up due to previous vacations, free days, or illness. Also, it could have been their nice way of saying they couldn't afford to come, if they were from out of town.
It's really up to you. Just make sure you make a decision that will not result in hurt feelings, now or later on.
2007-06-01 16:04:47 · answer #2 · answered by Esma 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't, if you feel that way. Just say, "thanks for the honor, but I'm going to be too busy in the next few months for such an important job."
I think you should really go to the wedding, though. Don't take it out on the sister-in-law just because your brother-in-law was a flake. If she's a good friend, you should treat it like any other wedding, and forget about BIL's bad manners. If you refuse to go altogether, she might feel pissy when it's time to cough up for a christening gift or whatever is next in your lives.
2007-06-01 14:37:43 · answer #3 · answered by Madame M 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well, its really up to you, but 2 wrongs dont make a right. I know it sucks that they didnt attned your wedding and maybe they should have made more of an effort (though you say you dont really know why they didnt attend) but by doing the same thing to them...your just showing your no better a person then they are. dont be petty about it. and you can tell them you dont want to be in the wedding if you dont want to, but I would still attend it. I dont think just going to the wedding is really going to break your back or your budget.
2007-06-01 15:23:58 · answer #4 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If they are your husband's family, they are your family now...and if family is important to you, you'll do it. Even if you're still upset, holding a grudge isn't going to go over well...what about your parents-in-law? Do you get along with them? How would they react if you not only didn't go but refused to be IN the wedding? It might be better for the sanity of your relationship to be in the wedding.
2007-06-02 13:48:24 · answer #5 · answered by its about time 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should go. Just because they were wrong, doesn't mean that you have to act in the same way. Regardless of why they missed your wedding, you should be the bigger person and go. Plus, weddings are a lot of fun, and you might get to see many other members of your family.
2007-06-01 14:37:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Did they buy you a wedding gift for yours?(even though they didnt attend, per tradition). If they did then go, have fun, and buy a nice gift. If they did not buy a gift call him on it. Tell the fiance or directly to the brother that you are still upset that he didnt go to yours when he was given advanced notice AND didnt get you a gift which is what tradition dictates. And see what they say.
2007-06-01 15:41:12 · answer #7 · answered by Educated 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you just totally weren't aware of the circumstances; I'm sure he really wanted to be there! If they were feeling "guilty" or something, they wouldn't have asked you to be an attendant.
However, there's nothing wrong with you saying you don't want to be in the bridal party, but will be a very supportive guest and help out in any way you can.
2007-06-02 02:07:47 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because they did not go to yours does not mean you decline going to theirs.
Don't go because you already have plans or a budget.
Don't NOT go because you are doing so out of spite.
You should be honored they want you as their matron of honor. Of course they don't have issues with you since they asked you to be in this very honored position!
Don't do things out of spite or hurt because they did not go to your wedding.
2007-06-01 20:19:22 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
when you have hurt feelings it is best to go to the person and just sit and ask why they did not attend your wedding...work it out...and move on...i wouldn't hold a grudge because it will only hurt you more in the end and cause even more harsh feelings when it may have been something you didn't know about and had nothing to do with your importance to them...don't add insult to an already injured situation...
2007-06-01 14:35:47 · answer #10 · answered by Daisy 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋