Make the funniest joke?

Question

Make the funniest joke because I'm having a bad day
I'm late for school
Then I got a detention
Someone tripped me and I fell of the stairs
Then I got lots of bruises
Everybody in my class picked on me, I didn't do anything to them
Someone fought me and I loss the fight
Then I got a black eye
Then I got suspended for 3 days, then the person who fought me didn't get suspended
This girl slap me for no reason
I got grounded for 2 weeks because I was suspended
So I didn't go anywhere only school
Then my dog peed on me
I was crying because of the bad day I was having
Make the funniest joke, so you can cheer me up, who ever make the best joke win 10 points.

Answer 1

So little Johnny as a first grader has been trying to convince his teacher that he should move up from 1st to third grade. So the teacher decides to hold a meeting with the principal. She asks him some simple questions like, "What is the Capital of Mexico?" and "How many days are in two years?" He answers the questions no problem and the teacher is getting annoyed. So she tries to kick it up a notch.
"What Starts with a P and is in your pants, but not mine?"
"Pockets"
"What starts with a C and ends in a T and is ovalish, hairy and has a whitish liquid in it."
"Coconut"
"What starts with an F and ends in a K and means a steamy hot time?"
"Firetruck"

The teacher starts to look more annoyed and stares at the principal who replies, "Heck, pass him up to 5th grade I got the last three questions wrong."

Answer 2

Why is it a foul inspiration to play UNO with mexicans? Because they'll constantly thieve your inexperienced-playing cards. A Mexican and a Blackman are in a automobile. Who's riding? A cop What's the change among a blackman and a bench? A bench can aid a household of 4 Why dosn't Mexico have an Olympic staff? Because every body that may run, leap and swim is already right here.

Answer 3

One day, a blonde sat down and decided to do a puzzle. After a while, she became very frustrated as the pieces just didn't seem to fit. Finally, she called her boyfriend in from the other room and asked, "Honey, do you think you could come in here and help me put this puzzle together?". He walked in and asked her,"Well, what's it supposed to be?". She replied, "From the looks of things on the box, it's supposed to be a tiger.". He smiled, took her hand and brought her into the kitchen where he said, "How about a nice cup of tea and when we're finished, why don't we go and put all of the Frosted Flakes back in the box.".

Answer 4

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

haha this is really funny, but cheesy at the same time!

Answer 5

damn that is a bad day hope these jokes cheer you up


A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying,
"Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

**************
Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face.
"Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked.

"To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?"

**************

The math teacher saw that little Davie wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Davie! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"


Little Davie quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"


***************
Little Davie's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

Little Davie asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

***************
Little Davie attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse,
running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest. After a few minutes,
Davie asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses, I have to make sure
that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Davie, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

************
Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born
without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital
Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him
and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if
he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even
said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they
came back home. Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a cute baby you have. The
mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said, "He has
beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and
really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes," the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will
have 20/20 vision. "

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be sh**-outta-luck if he
needed glasses."

Answer 6

Heres some good ones I know

My grandfather always said, "Don't watch your money; watch your health." So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather


Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He goes: "Not in a row!"

I went to a fight the other night and a hockey game broke out

Hope this makes you smile!
-Giordano

Answer 7

And I thought I was having a bad day. You need a camera crew to follow you around if all this happened to you in one day. Anyway, here's one of my favorite jokes...

How do we know that the toothbrush was invented by someone in West Virginia?

Because if it had been invented anywhere else they would have called it a teethbrush. Ha Ha Ha

Answer 8

TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

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As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g.,
"Steady as she goes", or "She's listing to starboard, Captain!"). Recently, a
group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be
referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are female:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If
you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".
4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later
retrieval.
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending
half your paycheck on accessories for it.

However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that
computers should be referred to as if they were male.

Their reasons follow:
Five reasons to believe computers are male:
1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they
are the problem.
3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a
little longer, you could have obtained a better model.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.

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A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his
speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a
ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.Instead of payment, he sent the police
department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from
the police that contained another picture... of handcuffs.The motorist promptly
sent the money for the fine.

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Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm
spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he
began to think about God.
"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy?
What can I do for you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to
you?"
Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded
in a manner to which Jimmy could relate. "A
million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute."
"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"
"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."
"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous... can I have one
of your pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."

I hope your week gets better and just remember that no matter what is happening to you someone else always has it worse.
God Bless

Answer 9

Poor You.

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home now Mother of Six?"

His wife, finally fed up with her husband, shouts back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

Answer 10

Oh, and by the way, all this happened when I was invited to a party by Ronald McDonald.
I live in fear of being invited to a Spiderman party...