How do you tell somebody you do not trust them?

Question

My mother is a wonderful mother, but a terrible grandmother. I hate to say it, but she really is. But she wants to spend time alone with my daughter and I just can not think of how to tell her I just don't trust her with my daughter. When I walk into her house I can find knives at knee level, they smoke in the house, there is not one room in her house that is toddler friendly, and there are no activities for little kids. Don't most grandparents stock up on little kid stuff? My grandparents always had loads of stuff to do and their houses were always clean and safe. So how do I tell my mother that I do not trust her with my daughter?

The knives are decorative. Not that that makes any difference to the answers anyone gives... just saying they aren't kitchen knives. They are hand made knives, and swords, and stuff like that.

p.s. Those are examples. here are some more(for the person who didn't get it) she puts diapers on her all day even though she is potty trained. She lets her wander around the upstairs without a second thought about the stairs (I dont have stairs in my house so my daughter doesnt really know how do do it safely yet), I will ask her to watch her while I am in the bathroom for 2 minutes and when I come out my mom is in the same spot, but my daughter is wandering around someplace else without supervision. She lives on a very busy street and leaves her doors open all the time. All you have to do is push and the screen door opens. Are these better examples of why I don't trust her?

Answer 1

i don't think it's a matter of trust. it's more a matter of safety. talk to her. explain that while this is her home, your daughter is very young and into everything. offer to help her childproof her home. maybe it's been so long since she's had a little one of her own that she's forgotten how much work it is to care for a toddler.as far as the toys go, it's not fair of you to expect your mom to stock up on kid stuff. she's been there already. why not pack a lrg rubbermaid box full of stuff to keep your daughter busy when she goes?
with the smoking, the only thing you can do is ask then not to smoke around the little one. it's their home but, if you speak nicely and don't accuse, i think they'll respect your wishes. if not, the deals off.

Answer 2

Isn't it funny how you probably never noticed those details as a kid. But now that you have your own children those nuances are more apparent. You should bring it up to your mother that you don't think its safe to leave your daughter due to her living arrangements. Smoking is terrible and no child or adult should be exposed to that. If after you have told her and she doesn't make an attempt to remedy the situation then you should just let your daughter go out to public places where you know she will be safe like a restaurant or a kid friendly place. Give your mother a chance she might actually be willing to make some changes for her granddaughters sake.

Answer 3

Just calmly explain to her that you'll help her get her house baby proofed, so your little daughter can come stay with her. Explain to her that the knives are a big concern for the safety of your daughter and that you'd feel better if you guys could put them up until your daughter is old enough to know that she can't mess with them. Also, you can try bringing some of your daughter's extra toys over, pick up some cheap toys for your mom's house at the dollar store and what have you. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out!

Answer 4

i think of you're good. once you purchased pregnant you grew to become a mom (to be, for now) and as a mom your basically accountability is to guard and nurture that youngster, formerly it is born and after. So, you do what's best for that infant no count what. If that house is often in turmoil and the toddlers are missed you do no longer desire your infant there, even possibly while you're there too through fact the different adults sound screwy to me. stay with your grandparents till you have a quiet risk-free domicile for you and the infant if bf is going too, it is high-quality, yet we are apprehensive approximately you and the infant right here. It heavily is not any convenience to be jointly if some harm contains your infant in that domicile. the different ingredient to do is preserve your self and if the ambience there is unsettling do no longer bypass and don't enable him get you disenchanted. i wish the two one in each of you have a protracted chuffed existence jointly however the only ingredient it is for confident is that infant is your accountability no count if he's a factor of the deal or no longer. A mama tiger will kill something that tries to harm her youthful, which includes the papa. Sharpen your claws and stick on your weapons, that's the main needed ingredient you will ever do.

Answer 5

Well have you talked to her about keeping the house more child safe first? Tell her that you don't like what you are seeing and that it isn't safe for your daughter because it really isn't. Don't come right out and attack her with "I don't trust you" but start slow and tell her why certain things aren't safe and if she can change it. Maybe even go over there with your daughter and stay and see how things are and where things are until you are comfortable.

Answer 6

You could tell her politely that second hand smoking is harmful, especially on toddlers, and mention the knives. She's your mother so she must understand. She should know this anyway, she brought you up.

Answer 7

Try something like, "Mom, can we spend some time baby-proofing the house," or "It scares me mom when you leave sharp objects lying around." I'm so sorry you have a mom like this. Change the wording so that she will not be on the offensive.

Answer 8

u can just say sry mom but i really cant trust u with my daughter untill u make ur house a safe place 4 a child because i do not want to risk my daughter getting hurt

Answer 9

just tell her what you feel and if she wants her to spend a day with her to fix a little the house. At least all the dangerous stuff of course but nicely. well hope this helps.

Answer 10

I took toys to my mom's house. She'd raised her kids and it was unfair of me (and you) to expect her to buy stuff.
Just buy toys, pick up stuff.

Better yet... House proof your kid. I did not baby proof my house. I never expect the world to bend to my kids, and neither should any other parent. I taught, and still teach, my kids to be careful. Common sense would dictate that, even with no small kids in the house, you pick up knives.