I'm 53. My Dad is on the downward slide. I've cared for him for 9 years. He's in a "home" now. My 4 siblings

Question

My 4 siblings have turned into pit bulls. All these years they have supported all I have done for him. Verbally. Not one helped pay any of the costs. I am now "persona non gratis". They tell me I've had a "free ride" & I don't deserve the home I live in (it's mine when Dad goes to heaven), and they are going to contest the will when he leaves us.
Oldest brother has Power of Attorney and has pretty much emptied out the 2 accounts that are in Dad & my names & now wants to sell this house. My heart is breaking. He took most of my funds, so a lawyer is pretty much out of the question.
I live in SW Washington state.

Answer 1

make sure he has a will.i would also try to get you the power of attorney since you are taken care of your dad. sorry about your dad,be strong he needs you now the most.

Answer 2

let them have the money but you will, and I say will get that house even if they do contest the will it will be in probate for a little while like a few years, but wait you are in the state of washington which laws might be different from california's, so please just call out of state and contact a will and probate attorney and personal injury because that's what they are doing, but you can contest against them because I am in the same situation with my cousin in the state of virginia, from the state of california. I am 46 years old and because I didn't put up the fight for the house it is still there standing where it should have been destroyed because it was not enough to go around. maybe iam wrong, but never give up the fight. The Lord will have your back when you are right and sometimes even wrong when you think about it. I have a lot to tell you do to what you are saying, but i live in the state of california, where you can put off something for a long time, because out here probate has taken 7years and counting because we are fighting over a house that was left to me by my grand parents a because my cousin was adopted by our grandparents he thinks that he can run something because Im not the sharpest knife in the drawer but I do know how to fuss. Our will stated that our grandparents left everything to use 3 grandchildren and if anyone should contest the will they should receive 1 dollar, Now that my sister is dead and one should proceed the other in death, then the rest should be divided, but he moved away and took everything including the house. Get a wills and probate attorney and dragg them all through court, this will give you enough time to think of a stradedy that you will have to plan for your defense. It has been 12 years since we had the fire that killed my grandparents and both my 2 childdren and yet I still don't have my house that was left too me. Your siblings are just money hungrey. Let them have the money, but fight for the house if its yours. Don't let them punk you, and show them no fear, because they are pit bulls and they will tear you apart if you don't have a back up plan in full affect. you can contact me anytime if you want me to help, I'll do the best I know to get you what you want and [e-mail]. the laws can't be that much of a difference, we are both on the same side of the country.

Answer 3

First off I would like to tell you how sorry I am that you are having to go through this..it is very hard to take care of loved ones, even if you want to do it, it is a 24 hour day job...then when there are siblings who do not help and find fault that only adds to the problem..
I understand your problem completely, my husband is deceased and so is his brother who wasn't married. Anyway his parents had no other children and my husbands Dad has passed away also..His mother is 93 and I have poa and it is hard..as you are always the one in the wrong even if you are only trying to do your best for them.
If your father has left your home in the will, then I don't think you have to worry about losing it...try not to let it break your heart, but I know that it is easier said than done, because I am there also...It is truly one of the hardest things a person may have to do, with the exception of giving up your spouse. My heart and my prayers go out to you at this time...
Nothing and I mean nothing will tear up a family quicker than an inheritance. People, your family can turn on you so quickly that it shocks you. They are sometimes worse than total strangers...Hang in there and God will be on your side and you know that you have done all that you can do and you have done it willingly out of the goodness of your heart.

Answer 4

You need to see a lawyer about this. My understanding is that in order for dad to be in a home, without you paying for the care he receives there, or Medicare/Medicaid footing the bill, his assets have to be exhausted. If you shared accounts with your dad, that did not protect the money there from these kinds of bills. In fact, the kind of care - which must be paid for somehow - that he receives would come from anything in his name and I believe that includes the house.
I could be wrong about the house. A lawyer and the laws of the state you live in will clear that up. But my impression is that it is difficult to shelter assets from creditors (the nursing home is one) easily.
Your siblings may seem like pit bulls. They may threaten. This is not a new story to me - a friend of mine had the same conflicts and she had cared for her mother even longer than 9 years.
The problem is that people make assumptions about what 'belongs' to whom and where that goes when that person is not there, whether deceased or in a nursing home.
You took care of your father but they see that you got shelter in the house you shared with him. They paid housing costs, which were substantial, probably.
They may threaten to contest the will but you did not say in your question who is the executor of the estate. Your brother has power of attorney and your father must have been the one to give that power to him. It means that while your father is alive and bills are coming in, they have to be paid and your brother has to pay down those bills with your father's assets. He may also be the executor of the will. A lawyer has a copy (probably several copies) of the will. I believe it may be a matter of public record once your father dies.
That would explain accounts being emptied.
Nursing home care is not cheap. Whether you like the care he is receiving or not, someone has to care for him.
An assisted living facility that can deal with a person who needs help and can't live independently in my area costs $80,000 a year. A person who is cared for there 24/7 gets fed nutritious meals, is safe, is warm, gets cursory medical attention (it is not a hospital). Is it worth $80,000 a year? It's 24/7 care. You do the math.
And how does a place like that get payment for the care it provides? Any way it legally can, basically.
Contesting a will costs money too.
Every single aspect of what you mention in your question has an expense attached to it.
Even the brother who has Power of Attorney has to take time to pay dad's bills, if in fact he is paying dad's bills. Someone must be.
You consider the money your brother took from the accounts to be your funds. Likely, since they were in your dad's name too, they were considered dad's funds. The law would see it that way too.
I'm sorry you think a lawyer is out of the question. A lawyer is going to be the only person who can clearly explain your situation, your dad's situation, and your siblings' situation to you.
Life is short and you are 53. You can see that as being on the old or the young side of life - but for sure, you need to set up your own bank account and get on with life. Be aware that your own financial situation is not going to be a private matter if you have to go to court - since you have a history of paying taxes.
Good luck with it. This is not an unusual story. You can handle it gracefully. Or you can kick and scream to little if any avail. I'd handle it gracefully, visit dad as often as you can, and learn as much as you can about what it means to have an estate and leave an estate. Taxes are levied on every estate - which is one reason why houses are sold when someone is deceased.

Answer 5

it's ashamed many family are like this, so really your not alone, and for these reasons this is why a will should be-made out.can't believe family would grieve this way,but your family is starting before your fathers actually passed, i think you can find free advice on-line ?look under free on-line lawyers?i believe if your father has a will, it will stand, your brother can fight it, but that will only hold things up.i really dint believe he can sell house while hes still alive and living in it?i may be wrong, but it just dint sound right, and I'm in Michigan and dint know Washington laws, good luck, i hope your brother doesn't get a thing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!god bless you

Answer 6

care taking is a very hard job to do. I commend you for what you are doing for your Dad sometimes we think it is money and material things that will make us happy but it is not! Continue to take care of your Dad the way that you are If your heart is sincere your higher power has already taken care of you . The riches man can be the poorest man in spirit. Your heart can and will be mended . Trust and believe and don't give up GOD knows your heart ( hope I did not offend you by mentioning my higher power)

Answer 7

And your question is? About the house? Lawyers don't have to cost an arm and a leg. If you feel you need some legal advice go talk to one. If you keep the house but don't have funds you can't support it.
It is not uncommon for people to fight about estates when someone dies.

Answer 8

see if you qualify for legal aid.also check and see if theres any law schools close to you sometimes they take cases for the practice.good luck and no oits not right what there doing but ho did your brother empty the account if your name was on it to.in this state that cant happen and if he does try to sell the house,refuse to agree and contest that and if he does sell it the money has to be split between all the kids.honey you can keep that will tied up till your brother is so old he cant move

Answer 9

first of all bless you!! i am living with my mother im 43 she isnt a "home" person, i have 3 other siblings and they dont even call to see how she is doing!! i dont know what to tell you dear but im afraid the same thing is going to happen to me when my mum passes away. alls i can say is you know all the work that you did you know all the crap you went thru etc, i dont know if this helps but i can understand where you are coming from! what a mess you must be going thru good luck i think you did a good thing!

Answer 10

First off let me say that your family needs to get straight!! You need to give me your brother e-mail address cause let me tell you I will sure enough set his tale straight!!! But to answer your question all you can do is be strong and pray to God because he is all knowing and he will lead you in the right direction.