My fiance comes from a very wealthy family that travels frequently (always to luxurious locations). He is going on a trip with them for 3 weeks this summer on a cruise thru the Mediterranean and not bringing me along. I am feeling very resentful and jealous. I trust him completely and don't worry about him being unfaithful.
My resentment comes from a few factors: my family doesn't have a lot of money and we couldn't ever do something like that, I work 60+ hours a week at a stressful job and won't have the time or money for a vacation until next summer, I have never been overseas and have always wanted to, and he has been able to travel to every part of the world all of his life (yet I have had NONE of those opportunities). I have always carried my own weight and paid my own way, yet he has everything (including this) just handed to him. I feel like if anyone deserves this chance, it should be ME.
How can I deal with this and not let it eat away at me?
2007-06-01 11:47:52 · 21 answers · asked by CaliGirl92648 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would find a nice cheap cruise that last for about 5 days and just go without him. If he gets all huffy, tell him next time to consider taking you along on one of those trips and you will consider taking him on one.
2007-06-01 11:52:31 · answer #1 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I am a 30 year old wise woman, and I'll give you advice from my perspective. I understand you feeling secretly resentful that your fimace is going on a luxurious 3 week vacation, especially since you work so very hard. However, the truth is that this is partly your fiance's fault--not his Mom and Dad. I know you feel left out; but the truth is that his Mom and Dad are not obligated to treat you to a vacation. Their money belongs to them, and if they want to take their son, so be it.
Also, you say he is your fiance, but is this "official"? Meaning, did he offically propose, buy you a ring, and announce this his Parents? If not, then you are really not his fiance, and his parents feel even less of an obligation to ask you to join them for a vacation. Also, keep in mind that many people are old fashioned, and they dont believe in allowing 2 people who arent married to spend the night at their home, or go on vacation with them. Look, his mom and dad were most likely gettin it on before they got married--true--but soon as people have their own kids, they get all "religious" and "holy". You know what I'm sayin', you'll be the exact same way after your kids are born. Anyway, yes, its a little messed up that your rich boy fiance just jets off for 3 weeks while you're busting your butt working; but make sure that he's not a selfish, spolied jerk who doesnt care about your needs; because it'll get worse aftter you get married.
2007-06-01 13:11:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You can tell your mother you are sorry, and let her know you will try to understand the teachings. That maybe a lie, but since you don't believe, it doesn't matter. The next thing is to never bring it up in front of her or your sister again. I am an Agnostic, and have never felt the need to convince someone that believes, to not believe. I also was raised Catholic. Went to a parochial school til the 8th Grade, studied CCD, for another 4 years, began to question things that didn't make sense, did research and made up my own mind. In all that time I never felt the need to discuss this with someone in my family! Again if you lie, what does it matter, without a Deity to fear what is the ramification?
2016-05-18 23:13:59 · answer #3 · answered by leandra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) If you are a GENUINE fiancee (with a ring on your finger and wedding plans) you should be having serious doubts about a fiancee who would leave you behind to go on vacation. You could just as easily find yourself at home when they go on vacation after you are married. Does this man have money of his own or is he owned by his family. This is very poor judgement and shows immaturity on HIS part.
2) If you are unable to vacation with him because of your job, and you would deny him the opportunity to vacation with his family you are selfish and immature. If you love someone you do not resent their windfalls because the wind is not blowing YOUR way.
3) If the two of you actually do get married, and you want it to suceed, somebody has to grow up. I am not sure WHO from the way this story is laid out.
4) If you are having trouble getting along with his parents/siblings now, you are in for a long painful marriage.
5) You need to ask yourself whether you would love him if he had nothing. No money, no rich family, etc. You need to make sure you don't see him as a free ride on his rich families coat-tails to the opportunities that you clearly resent him having had in his life.
6) Be careful what you wish for! Nothing free is seldom cheap!
2007-06-01 12:10:48 · answer #4 · answered by Lynn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's pretty crapy that he's going when you're not invited. I would be more aggravated with him rather than his family. He should have faught for you to be included. What the hell, you're his future wife, it just doesn't seem like he or his family care about you the way they should. Do you really want to marry someone who will allow you to be treated like this?
For your own well being, get over the fact that your life is hard, people always feel like the world owes them something.
If your jobs sucks get a new one. If you don't have a lot of money find a way to make more. Your destiny is set by non other than yourself so do something about it instead of trying to make people feel sory for you.
2007-06-01 12:08:01 · answer #5 · answered by no thanks 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is horrible to tell you the truth I would be mad to especially if he had a choice on whether or not to take me. It is odd because everyone is always saying when you are married you become one and yet he is leaving you for 3 weeks without even so much as thinking about how you feel. There is really no way to not let it get to you because it is bothersome. I would suggest doing something for yourself like maybe having a girls night or just things that you like. Stay Calm!!!
2007-06-01 11:54:10 · answer #6 · answered by smithjjr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't start in on the resentment at this point. Be gracious and get a life. Perhaps after the marriage, things will be different - you will be part of the family, then. Why don't you take a vacation somewhere with some of your friends while they are gone? Don't seem so desperate. You don't need their money to have a life. I wouldn't be sitting around feeling sorry for myself. If you deserve it, then YOU provide it!
2007-06-01 11:54:05 · answer #7 · answered by lavenderbluelassie 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The fact that he is willing to go without you is indicative of what his course of action will be once you get married. They will be able to bribe and entice him to leave you out and ultimately any children you will have. It is understandable to have some envy about those that seem to have things handed to them. However, if you are engaged then he should take your feelings into consideration and be willing to stay behind despite his family's opinion. Since they are wealthy then the price of the ticket should hardly make a dent in their wallet.
If he goes you really need to reconsider his commitment to you and your relationship. If he is under their thumb now ; he always will be.
2007-06-01 12:31:04 · answer #8 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand where your coming from. But, I can understand his folks too. Maybe they did not invite you because your not "officially" part of the family yet. Just guessing. But what I don't get is why your fiance did not invite you? It would be a great way for everyone to get to know each other. Keep yourself busy, maybe with wedding plans while he is gone. But, whatever you do, try not to say anything negative about his family, as much as you might be tempted to. They never forget anything said against their family. I learned that one the hard way. Good Luck.
2007-06-01 11:59:33 · answer #9 · answered by Bookworm4124 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His family has bad manners. They can afford to bring you along from what it sounds like. Also, you are his fiance not just his girlfriend. That is almost like shunning you. Consider carefully before marrying him. If his family plays a big part in his life this may be an issue.
2007-06-01 11:52:51 · answer #10 · answered by yumsorbet 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋