He's really nice and sweet to me, and he really likes me and I'm trying to see him that way but I just can't get past his looks and his weight.
2007-06-01 10:15:23 · 30 answers · asked by Wildflower 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
oh yeah...and someone said i didn't talk about physical attraction...i thought i made it clear but i don't feel any chemistry for him even though i've tried to.
2007-06-01 10:29:05 · update #1
Oshi, I'm not in denial. I thought I made it perfectly clear the first time that I didn't feel any chemistry for him. Believe me I have tried to get past his looks and try to feel chemistry for him even though he's not my "type" but I just can't. I feel really guilty that I don't have feelings for him. Are you saying that my inability to feel chemistry for him makes me shallow?
2007-06-01 11:13:38 · update #2
Hey, as a guy here, let's not be hypocritical. Everyone says the politically correct thing about "it's what's in the heart that matters," and while that's true, it's also true that you must be physically attracted to the person you're with.
And that goes for the woman and the man. The other person doesn't have to be on the cover of an underwear magazine, but they also shouldn't look like Rosie O'Donnell either.
Don't be ashamed to not want to date the guy because you aren't attracted to him. Politely tell him you would like to be friends, and you don't look at him romantically.
There's no shame in being honest, and not brutally honest so it's hurtful.
2007-06-01 10:20:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Its not exactly wrong. I mean you should follow your desires and maybe ugly and fat isnt what you want. and truth is, the nice guys like him dont really get girls like you. This is the natural way. On the other hand. Nice and sweet are one of the best qualities anyone can have during a relationship. Some would love to be in your shoes. Try to be with him for awhile and see how things work out. If it doesnt, Find someone else. Theres still some nice guys around.
2007-06-01 10:22:31 · answer #2 · answered by The V 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Although it seems like it's shallow to judge a person based on their appearance, when you are considering dating a person, the first thing that typically attracts you to someone is their appearance before you even speak to each other. It's not really wrong to want someone to look a certain way as all sorts of people have different ideas of "who" the person is that they want to date/be with such as liking short girls or preferring muscular guys or skinny guys or thick girls or... You get the idea. We all kind of have preferences in who we find attractive and you can't make yourself become physically attracted to someone that you are not. His other great characteristics might make him seem more physically attractive to you at some point, but you can't just "force it to be".
2007-06-01 10:20:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
I know exactly what you mean, because I've been in your situation. I don't think it's wrong because its not your fault if you can only be attracted to someone who is physically attractive as well as having a good personality. What I did was I just made sure that my "guy" and I were good friends, but I always made it clear to him that I wanted nothing more out of the relationship.
2007-06-01 10:20:53 · answer #4 · answered by heyyy! 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No, it's not wrong, and despite what that oshii chick said, it doesn't make you shallow. After reading your other questions I can honestly say that you are not shallow at all. The fact that you said yes to two dates and that you are trying to give him a chance proves that you aren't shallow. You need to sit down with him and tell him that you aren't interested in him that way.
2007-06-01 11:34:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
NO. It's not wrong, if you're not attracted to him, then you're just not! I'm really tired of people saying you're "shallow" if you don't like someone because you're not physically attracted to them!
Personality isn't the only thing you look for in a person!
2007-06-01 10:22:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
TV and general the media passes to us many stereotypes. TV changes our opinion about things and general our life, but it's not weird if you don't want to date him. I wouldn't date a very ugly girl but if she was just fat I think I would be OK. The is obvious. She would just try to loss weight. If he loves you, you should tell him to do what he is able to do (not extreme things) so you would like him. That's all.
2007-06-01 10:23:53 · answer #7 · answered by Άγγελος 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Someone said it's not shallow, but judging ANYONE based on looks is shallow and you only talked about "He is fat and ugly", so that is shallow....so if being shallow is wrong then the answer is yeah it's wrong.
I personally think if being shallow is you and you can't look past it don't waste his time. You don't like him that way and nothing is gonna change it, especially if you are asking us.
By the way, people can always change who they are on the outside, but you can't change being ugly inside.
****Responding to your post about my post :D
You didn't say chemistry, you said "I can't get past his looks" yeah that is super shallow. lol. But if you want to be in denial too, go ahead.
****Lol. I was saying that if you don't want to believe you are shallow for not liking him based on his looks you are in denial. By the way....I'm saying you are shallow because you don't like him because he is ugly, basing judgment on someone because of their looks is shallow and even if it is wrong that is how you are so that's it. AND the other thing is I stated above "I personally think if being shallow is you and you can't look past it don't waste his time." So never did I say to date him or like him I was just answering the "is it wrong" part. Also....try to spell my name right. Thanks :D
By the way...geez...if you are gonna ask a question you should respect peoples opinions :( I'm not trying to fight you, I'm just trying to answer the question you presented.
And I can't help repeat "people can always change who they are on the outside, but you can't change being ugly inside"
There are lots of people on Yahoo Answers that ask questions similar to "I'm not skinny or pretty, but do you think I can find someone?" and in some occasions I have answered those questions. I doubt anyone looks for someone that is "ugly" but they don't live life alone forever, don't you agree? Nobody says "Well, you aren't skinny or pretty so only someone that is physically attracted to ugly people will like you." right? So what makes it okay in your case to condone your attitude? Also, who calls someone fat and ugly? That is just flat out mean, you wouldn't want someone to say that about you even if it were true. This attitude you have against his appearance is probably brought on through the media and is one of the reasons people become depressed, produce eating-disorders, and have self-confidence issues. Tell me I'm wrong. You called him fat and ugly....I don't know about you, but if someone called me that I would be pretty depressed. Through and through, you showed that this is part of your personality and it can't be helped. Don't waste his time and find someone who looks at life the same as you, you can't help being shallow if that is who you are.
2007-06-01 10:22:55 · answer #8 · answered by Oishii.Hina 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
No, there's nothing wrong with not dating that type of guy. I don't know if the "I just want to be friends" comment might work. Just don't make him upset. Make him understand that it might not work.
2007-06-01 10:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by Coche 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You should date people you are attracted to who are also attracted to you.
The purpose of dating is to find a mate. It isn't a Charity function.
2007-06-01 10:21:40 · answer #10 · answered by Automation Wizard 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋