my son is 5 and our neighbor has a 5 yr old girl. They are best friends. They have played house, and been married-- all innocent fun. Today, I found them in his closet. She was on her stomach, with her pants and undies pulled down. He was on top of her, with his pants still on. This is the 2nd time I have found her naked in his room.
Both times, I firmly told her to put on her clothes and brought both of them in the living room. I did not get mad, but told them that we don't play naked. Naked is for the bathroom, or in the bedroom alone. Also, that their bodies are special and no one touches their bodies (except mommy) if there is a boo boo.
The first time, while a little speechless, I wasn't overly surprised. This is the second time I have found HER with no clothes. Should I be concerned that 'something' is happening to her?? I did tell her parents, but if something is happening to her I don't know what to do to protect her.
2007-06-01 10:08:34 · 13 answers · asked by tipperwell 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
I called my hubby, to ask if it came from us. We usually wait til 1-2 am (we also have a 15 yr old) until they are asleep. And, my son wouldn't quietly watch, he'd ask what we were doing.
I did talk to him about the 'game'. He says that she taught him. She told him to 'get on'. As I asked more specific questions (Who showed her to play?), he lost interest in the conversation. I don't know. I am 99% sure that this behavior did not come from us. My son does not play like this with any of his other friends-that I know of. And I am pretty vigilant about checking on them frequently when he has friends over.
2007-06-01 12:29:16 · update #1
It's normal for 5 year olds to play the 'Show me yours and I'll show you mine' game. I'm not so sure about him being on top of her. They both may have picked up some ideas that they're too young to process, which is why I think I'd make sure they understood that they are NOT to go into any closets, and if they're going to play together in his room, the door needs to stay open...period.
If you suspect something may be going on at home, you might question your son...not like an inquest, but ask who's idea it was for him to get on top of her, and in as non-threatening a way as possible, ask about things he and she discuss. You can get a fairly good idea if you make sure he is comfortable telling you about it.
2007-06-01 10:16:37 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I would mention it to her parents. She may have seen something that wasn't meant for little eyes. Children process things they dont fully understand through the context of play. Because the extent of the "game" was "you take your clothes of and lay like this" and not anything more specific, I wouldn't suspect abuse right away. My husbands parents adopted two children who had been sexually abused, and at 2 and 4 the poor babies knew way more than that. It was gut wrenching to hear the things they would say or describe or act out (through play with dolls) but it was a process they needed to go through (they were both put in therapy asap...and years later they both are happy and fairly well adjusted children, thank God) But my point is that this little girl seems to be trying to work out something she may have seen, not recreating something that was done to her. I would bring it up again to her parents. If she is showing other signs that have you concerned, next time she is over ask her a few questions like "where have you seen that?" or "who else plays that game with you?" and see if she doesn't shed some light. Good Luck. I sincerely hope everything is fine and its just natural curiosity and not anything more.
2007-06-01 15:06:34 · answer #2 · answered by **0_o** 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i dont have any children so i cant imagine how u feel but i think they are seeing this somewhere and acting it out the same way the see adults married and living together. if they not getting it from tv then i suggest u lock the doors b4 u make love so u dont encourage it lol and also keep bringing it to her parents and tell them the same thing about keeping them innocent. i dont think u should tell them that adults get naked to make babies just yet cuz they will be putting dolls in their shirts acting that out too. i think u r right to tell them they are not alowed to play naked or touch each others bodies inapporiately. and if u suspect some foul play in her home simplily talk to her and ask her if everything is ok without directly asking her cuz you dont wanna alarm the baby. watch her and just extend open arms to her if something is wrong at home where she cant get an peace she will seek out ur comfort cuz she will trust u for being a friend. and i know that cuz i was messed with when i was 5y/o and i went to someone close to me to get rid of the pervert. i hope that helps
2007-06-01 10:26:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sort of behavior is absolutely normal for their age. It was good of you to not lose your cool in this situation, and your explanation about boundaries and privacy was right on track. I'm a little surprised about the whole "on top of her" thing.. If you can't trace it back to your household it might be coming from her..Something she has seen on TV at home, or maybe even in reality. I would say it would probably be best if you supervise their play for a while and not let them be too much alone. Most kids grow out of this stage very quickly and easily if there isn't too much emphasis put on it. If it continues despite your efforts or if it starts to escalate I would suggest meeting with her parents to discuss it.
2007-06-01 10:17:39 · answer #4 · answered by All I Hear Is Blah Blah Blah... 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To some degree this may be normal OR it may be not normal. See if you can find out from her what she watches on tv. It could be she has seen this on tv or walked in on her parents (if that is the case , they need to know to "entertain" each other behind locked doors, and I would NOT ask her this! - you could ask her if she has seen other people play this way "Who?")
Does she have older siblings?
If she has displayed any other behaviors indicative of abuse, definitely report to DFACS,
You are to be commended for handling this well, many others would ruin the kid for life, screaming and accusing! Supervise their play! And if you need to ban her from your house, You would be horrified to learn YOUR child was acting this way at someone else's house (this would be learned behavior from her).
2007-06-01 11:01:09 · answer #5 · answered by the bird 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I think looking back at some of the kids my children used to play with, it was always the same kids that would want to undress, as they have got older those kids are difenately the troubled ones! It makes you wonder what goes on at home! I would not let them play alone!
2007-06-03 06:05:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say she has seen her parents, or something is happening to her, I do not blame you for being concerned. I would talk to the parents again and if they acts like no big deal then I would contact CPS, or you could even ask your own doctor who to contact. I would not let her play with your son until the issue has been resolved. But please don't just let it drop, if she is being abused, she needs help from someone.
2007-06-01 10:13:24 · answer #7 · answered by Miss Coffee 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My Mom owned a preschool for 25 years.I have seen it all and this issue is common for kids to do that. We saw it happen quite often. You dealt with it the best way you could. They are just being curious.
2007-06-01 10:17:47 · answer #8 · answered by Cynthia H 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nope
2016-05-18 22:34:40 · answer #9 · answered by marnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to be handling it well. I agree don't let them play unsupervised again
2007-06-01 10:13:57 · answer #10 · answered by me2 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋