Okay, my husband and I have a male friend that is almost 30 and has never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl. He is not good looking, is obsessed with comic books, and likes to argue with everyone over everything. He keeps asking us to find him a girl but nobody is interested. Should we give him pointers to improve his luck with women? How do you do that without hurting his feelings?
2007-06-01 08:52:19 · 19 answers · asked by Graciela, RIRS 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
There are kind ways to tell someone they're a difficult sell, without crushing their soul. Even the flabbiest shmoes, if they start paying a little attention to their appearance, can get dates. He sounds like he could use a makeover, grooming lessons, and a new wardrobe, but if he's just gonna stay the geeky, awkward guy, what's the point?
If you believe he's just too ugly for it ever to work, then don't let him get his hopes up-- be honest with him and tell him you don't want to set him up because you can't bear to disappoint a lovely friend who deserves to be happy.
He needs confidence, if setting him up is ever going to work. You're going to need to have some confidence in him... that with a change in attitude and a change in grooming and wardrobe, that he can be very charming. Your husband's input here is important... if you two are really committed to making your friend date-worthy, and he is two, the three of you can make it happen.
To begin with, I would probably tell him, "You're just not ready for the kind of girls I want to set you up with... when you're ready to grow up a bit, work out, and get a makeover, I can help... but it will not be easy... and if you're just going to go back to the way things were after a single rejection, please don't do this..."
If he's actually ready to rebuild himself, and can convince you he is sincere, don't try to eliminate all elements of his love of comics; grow them up. Make sure he has bookcases instead of cardboard boxes and piles on the floor. if he has comic book art displayed on his walls, make certain it is tasteful and nonviolent (skimpy outfits on stripper bodies should be voted out) and that it is placed in frames and mounted.
That he gives away toys is important, and there are groups, like kid's hospitals, who would love his action figures. It would be a nice thing to do, would help him feel better, and he could take pictures (or have someone he is donating the toys to take pictures) so that he gets to see the toys being enjoyed when he misses them.
He should be aware how much of his money he is spending monthly on comic books. I would suggest that instead of buying comic books, he buys trade paperbacks or hardcovers. Marvel Comics now has 20+ years of the X-Men, Fantastic Four, the Avengers, Spider-Man, and so on. If he must have these things in print, almost every comics publisher releases their comics in a hardcover format; you just have to be patient for them to come out.
Form a checklist of things girls like to see in a man's apartment, like clean pillows on the sofa and the furniture not smelling like cat pee (or other bachelor-isms). Give him a Saturday morning checklist of things he needs to do, like getting EVERYTHING off the floor, vacuuming, sanitizing (if he has BO, we will need to start using potpourri or air fresheners), and so on. Perform a surprise inspection on him with your husband on a Thursday night. If he's wrecked the place, Let him know that this will chase a potential girl away.
Whatever you do or say, be sure that it always comes from a place of caring about him and that the is lonely. You can save both of yourselves a lot of trouble, if you find you don't care, by just telling him that's more than you can do for him. If you and your husband are going to help him, please have empathy and realize he is stuck in a comfort zone, and if you are to help him, you will need to help him create a new comfort zone of responsibility for himself.
Whatever you decide, I would really like to hear about it sometime. Please send me an update someday!
2007-06-01 08:59:29 · answer #1 · answered by Christopher 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but if you really want to help him, you will say it straight, even if it will hurt his feelings.
But you also have a bigger problem: he is almost 30 and is obsessed with comic books, which means he is not very mature. The main problem for him to get a girl is the fact that he is still behaving like a spoiled child (comic books, argue about everything).
The best thing you can do is seat down with him point all his child attitudes and make him realizes that he is a man who should accept that his child time is way over.
2007-06-01 15:58:57 · answer #2 · answered by Carlos A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok, well, you must first know that if there is a male version of him, I am certain there is a female version of him as well. If this is the case, the the female version is probably needing assistance as well. He must take the same avenues that she would take. If she takes no avenues, its hopeless. However, most people who struggle in the love department do online matchmakers and stuff. If he appears to be incompatable and perhaps strange to you, he will to 99% of other people. Do not attempt to hook him up any further. Simply guide him in the right direction. Sounds like he needs to learn a thing or two about comprimises, socializing, and compatibility.
2007-06-01 15:58:31 · answer #3 · answered by Godly_Expert 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not your life goal to get this goofball a woman. Some women actually find the comic book aspect cool.....but NOT the arguing aspect. Just tell him straight up, there are things that are keeping him from a girl, and if he asks what then offer to tell.
2007-06-01 15:56:50 · answer #4 · answered by Stand 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
$hit, it sounds like this guy needs honesty not someone guarding his feelings. If he likes to argue so much tell him to join a debate club, something anything to get him out of his house and away from his comics. Tell him to get involved with a hobby where he can meet like minded individuals. If he is short on the good looks, tell him to work out and get in shape. A hardbody can go a long way for a butter face (everything looked good butter face).
2007-06-01 15:57:48 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would just try to tell him that you do not have any single friends that you could introduce him to at the moment. Suggest that he try the yahoo personals and say that you heard it worked for someone you know. As for his attitude, maybe try to swing some kind of advice in a subtle way, such as " I was attracted to my husband because he did this" or " many of my friends like this attribute in a man". It can't hurt. Good Luck!
2007-06-01 15:57:21 · answer #6 · answered by tiff705 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's so argumentative, you will probably will manage to hurt his feelings anyway. I'd give him advice and just not bother with setting him up. You will probably upset the other "friend" that goes out with him.
Surely he has been to some conventions for comics and such? Maybe he can find someone more compatible there?
2007-06-01 15:56:26 · answer #7 · answered by ChibiKris 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a firm believer that there is someone out there for everyone....even for the socially inept. I wouldn't set him up though...just cause situations like that, if they end badly can cause lots of drama. What I would do is ask him "what are you willing to do?" and if he says nothing...then wash your hands of him and let him do it alone...if he says everything than tell him "Hey ya know, let's refine your style a little" and just give him a mini makeover and a couple of social pointers... :)
2007-06-01 15:56:24 · answer #8 · answered by funandfancyfree3232 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
GOD has good plans for everyone.
Jeremiah 29:11[kjv]For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
The most important thing your friends needs in this life is JESUS.JESUS loves you.Have u recieved JESUS for the forgiveness of your sins?
ask him to pray to GOD about this.
Matthew 7
7Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
[verses taken from kjv]
John 3:16[kjv] For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
so when we believe in JESUS we have eternal life.JESUS lived a sinless life and gave up his life as a sacrifice so we can be sin free. Ask JESUS to come into your heart and forgive ur sins and cleanse ur past with the blood JESUS shed on the cross.
With a simple prayer like above u can be saved.JESUS loves u and wants u to be saved.
http://www.bgea.com/SH_StepsToPeace.asp
www.fathersloveletter.com listen to it.
www.e-water.net/loveletter_en.html watch it
2007-06-02 10:51:24 · answer #9 · answered by Emmanuel 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is a true friend - just be honest with him. And yes then give him pointers, conversation starters, maybe some dressing tips etc...
2007-06-01 15:55:01 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋