Is there such a thing as middle child syndrome?

Question

I was one of three but I was the eldest. I would love to have a third child but husband won't have one because he fears that my youngest would get middle child syndrome and as he is already a handful that wouldn't be much fun.

What is your experience?

Answer 1

I am the eldest of three and a mother of two. I think if a child already has issues with self and hierarchy and attention seeking, then being a middle child certainly makes it worse. I know loads of middle children who show signs of this "syndrome", but I also know loads who don't. I think it's a case of labelling behaviour and finding an excuse for it. We love to put labels on things and people for that matter.
My middle sister was always desperately jealous of my other sister and me, especially me. She did use all sorts of ploys to get my mothers attention, and most of these ploys were not very nice! However, my middle sister had a jealous and unforgiving nature with everyone, not just my sister and me. She was also highly experimental in her life and extremely creative - a very talented artist.
My youngest sister was also jealous of me as the oldest and displayed difficult behaviour which had she been the middle child would have been attributed to this "middle child syndrome".
I think your husband is probably correct that your youngest would have problems with a third child, but I don't think it has anything to do with a middle child syndrome, I think it is just his personality that he needs a lot of attention. At the moment he is "a handful" in his competition with your eldest for your attention, with another person, he would become more than a handful!!
I think you and your husband should enjoy your two beautiful children. You don't say how old you are, but it may be that a third child would be a blessing later on in your lives.
Anyway, take yourself back to the last long car journey with the children, now add one more "are we there yet? Mum, he's hitting me......." Now, doesn't it seem sensible to wait a bit!

Answer 2

For it to be considered to be a syndrome there would have to be some symptoms. make a list of the symptoms that you think you get from being the middle child, ask your sisters to make a similar list for being the first and the last child and then compare notes. I think that you will find that you are all alike and therefore, there is no such thing as middle child syndrome. Just look at it like you're in a sandwich, your sisters have to be bread, but you could be anything you want!

Answer 3

Most of the childen I looked after in the Care system were middle children...so yes there is such a thing as middle child syndrome. The middle child is the newbie as second child and learns and is encouraged by the first child until third child comes and the focus shifts....the first child has done it all before, the second child hasn't and loses the attention of first child to the third. Feels unloved and unwanted, which is of course untrue but they really believe it. Middle child is often the one who finds it difficult to cope with daily living and is more likely to 'kick off' in teenage years.
There is a lot of literature available on this..probably online but definitely at your local library.
Best wishes, Mike.

Answer 4

There's such a thing, but it's certainly not a good reason not to have another child if you want one. It's not as bad as people make it out to be, unless the parents really manage to screw up by putting the needs and desires of their other children before those of their middle child. Middle children tend just to feel like it sounds: "in the middle." That's all. They're not the baby and they're not the big kid, so they feel a little confused sometimes. It's not a big deal.

Answer 5

I don't really like this theory as it is almost stereotyping and this labe will perpetuate a self-fulfilling prophecy. What I will tell you in truth is that my middle sister ended up being rebellious and the child that my father dislikes now.

I know a few couples who all struggled with this and ALL decided not to have the third child. Personally, I think it's great that you and your husband each have a child to look after...add a third and it could be difficult for you and the middle child.

Answer 6

I assume your husband was the middle child. Yes there is a such thing as middle child syndrome. As parents we just have to be careful if we only have 3 children that the middle one feels important too.

Answer 7

Im just about to expect my third,i would say its probably the eldest that will be affected alot more than the middle one.They have the second to adjust to and feel left out then the third comes alond and they feel even more left out and its all how good you are prepared to share your attention between all of them and how you go about doing that.
Being honest with them and telling them you love them is so important.Also telling them that even though they may get less attention one day than the next dosent mean you love them any less.My youngest is really looking forward to a new baby in the house and i involve her as much as possible by telling her she will be my special helper and how much i will need her to help me with the baby and she really revels in this.My eldest dosent seem very interested so its her that i will have tofocus my attention carefully when my newborn arrives.Its a tough one and you ask yourself constantly are you juggling love,attention and time equally.Though i cant see it causing severe problems later in life.

Answer 8

i am a middle child and i dont believe their is such a symptom. i had a older brother and a younger sister. when i was younger, i hated my little sister. my mom and grandma accused me of having the middle child syndrome, but the reason why i hated her is because when she came along, i could never seem to do anything right. i was always in trouble and when ever she cried, for some reason it was always my fault. they said i was jealous, but i wasn't, i was always getting blamed for everything. my grandmother was very old fashion and she believe that my brother should get everything first because he was the oldest and the male, and my sister could never do wrong because she was the baby of the family. if you do decide to have a 3rd, dont treat them any different, dont make one seem that they are better then their siblings. love them all equally and let them know that you have enough love for all of them and never choose a favorite one

Answer 9

Apparently my sister used to dote on me we had a very good brother sister relationship and then my brother came along, my sis dropped me like a hot rock, i used to take the heat for my brother a lot, if sister got told off for things me and my brother did i would get greif from sister as well. Eventually my sister used to baby sit me and my brother, my brother fell from an upstairs window during the day i got the beating of my life from my mum for leaving the window open even though i had not touched the window it was my sister that left it open and so she got a beating, that night mum went out and i got a beating from my sister too. now while i wouldn't say there is a middle chid syndrome i would say that being a middle child from my experience can be hard.

Answer 10

I truly believe in birth order. I have a middle child that truly lives up to the middle child. My oldest also lives up to the oldest child. I think as mothers we just have to watch how we handle our children. If your husband has a problem with it, tell him you will have two more!!!

I see that people are saying that they are a middle child and there is nothing wrong with them. There isn't anything wrong with a middle child. Being a middle child doesn't mean that you will rob banks and do other bad things. It just means that there might be a struggle with getting the attention that they middle child needs. If you read anything on birth order it doesn't say anything negative about the middle child.