My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 year and we are exclusive only for the past 3 months. Throughout the realtionship I dated other people and he did not. Now he can't get over the fact that I have been intimate (no sex) with other men. How can I help him to forgive me and to focus on the present and future and not the past?
2007-06-01 06:47:57 · 12 answers · asked by Behappy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If the relationship you previously had with your boyfriend was not exclusive and you both knew this, then I do not see why he feels you did anything wrong. The way I understood your questions was that you both were allowed to date others and you did and he choose not to so now he is upset to think you did. What you need to do is explain this to him. You were not cheating if you both agreed to have a relationship that was not exclusive. Tell him now that it is exclusive that you will not date no one other than him. He needs to see how unfair his accusations are. If he wanted you to not date others then he should have said so from the beginning and made the relationship exclusive from the start. He has no right to complain about it now..
2007-06-01 06:58:10 · answer #1 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to read your post, your own words. You write "i was at a party and was very drunk and i texted him some really mean msgs saying stupid things." Later you write, "i never meant any of this, im a really nice person, i was just a really angry upset drunk that night." Do you realize that just in that one sentence you contradict yourself? You can't have it both ways. Nice people don't get drunk and verbally abuse those that care about them! And so what? You were hurt and angry but that's part of life and it doesn't give you the right to expect people to accept being abused in any way, shape or form. What difference do you think it makes whether you meant it or not? You did it and that's what matters. Even if what you say it true and you didn't mean it... If he can't trust what comes out of your mouth when you're angry, how is he suppose to believe anything you say ever? Too, you've just shown him that there is a high probability that if he remains with you what he can look forward to is a future full of alcohol abuse, verbal abuse and lies. All of which tend to get worse over the years. Do you really blame him for cutting any ties to you? You admit saying some stupid things, Your mistake is believing that because you were drunk and angry that it should be forgiven and forgotten. Why? The fact is what you did was wrong all the way around and it was you who chose to drink and it was you who picked up the phone and it was you who texted all those insulting hurtful things, but hey, it's supposed to be OK because you are the one on the giving end of the BS. You aren't the one taking it! Even now, when he "needs" you to leave him alone, all you care about is YOUR desire to discuss this which I can promise you he wants no part of. Leave him alone, he has very good reason to feel like he's had his fill of you for a while.
2016-04-01 09:40:06 · answer #2 · answered by Deborah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to be totally honest and open with him from now on. You have to reassure him that he is the only one in your life and that is the way you want it. Do not hide anything from him. Cut off all ties with the other men and find new friends.
Although you have been exclusive for 3 months in a 2 year relationship, he probably feels that you have cheated and he was faithful through out the relationship. Look at it from his point of view, and then think about how you would feel and react.
2007-06-01 06:55:47 · answer #3 · answered by Tink 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is apologize and explain to him how much you love him and that you promise to be faithful to him from now on since he is the only one you want to be with ( I’m assuming). Then you have to leave it up to him and let him make his choice. You can’t force anyone or convince them to do something that they don’t want to do, when your partner is unfaithful it can put a heavy strain on the relationship and some choose to never trust and never forgive. If he feels that he can not learn to trust you again and that he will never forgive you then maybe it is better if you let him go. A relationship without trust is one usually ends in failure. To move on with this man he has to forgive you sincerely because things tend to be brought up over and over again, restarting old fights and dredging up the past, and if you are constantly going to fight about it and if it will be on his mind all the time then your relationship will not be very successful. If you want to be with him and only him then you have to apologize and give him time to get over what has happened and see if he can forgive you. If you choose to be in an open relationship that is something t hat you and your partner should talk about before things get serious, and make sure you are both aware of the expectations and what kind of relationship you want.
Good luck!
2007-06-01 06:57:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you have only been exclusive for 3 months he has nothing to forgive you for, unless something happened with somebody else within that three months. anyway, hes gonna have to get over this on his own and if he cant, then hes going to dwell on it the entire time you are together in which case you should just leave him alone, because a relationship in which one of the persons cant get over the other persons past never works.
2007-06-01 06:58:35 · answer #5 · answered by Ash 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you didn't say whether your dating other people was a fact that he knew at the time. If he didn't know, then I can understand his problem; that's something that needs to be made clear to him in the beginning.
If he DID know, and still consented to dating you, then it's really his problem, and he's just got to make the choice to either get over it or not.
2007-06-01 06:51:28 · answer #6 · answered by *huge sigh* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its REALLY going to be hard for him to forgive you. You must grovel and beg and serve and beg and ask for forgiveness and say sorry, and grovel at his feet for him to forgive you. This is how it worked with my bf, but he didn't cheat. Cheating is a big thing to end a relationship, because its unfaithfulness,so please don't be surprised if he decides to end it... But if he does forgive you and is still resuming the relationship, thank him and try not to do this again. Good luck.
2007-06-01 06:52:50 · answer #7 · answered by Hiya 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you want to help him "forget" not "forgive". It hurt him to know that you dated other people, it's not your choice whether he forgives you, he may hold that against you forever. If you truly think he's the one you need to rebuild his trust in you.
2007-06-01 06:52:54 · answer #8 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep reinforcing that he is the ONLY one for you. Maybe you saw other people, but none of them compare.
and what does being intimate but not having sex mean?
2007-06-01 06:51:25 · answer #9 · answered by TOMCTOM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
y did you date other people when you guys were dating....he needs to move on...no offense or anything...
2007-06-01 06:50:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋