My brother is getting married and although I love him, I really cant afford to have this extra expense on my hands. The dress alone is $270 then there are shoes, hair, nails and accesories since all brides should look alike. I am paying my own way through college and I am busy building my house with no help from him. I even asked him for help and he said that he have the whole wedding to think about. Please tell me how I should handle this situation.
2007-06-01 06:25:44 · 27 answers · asked by sunshine_12 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Sorry but our parents are not in the picture. And she have seen tons of dresses but prefer that particular one. My brother is too much in love to see that she is hurting me fiancially and just thinks i want to let him down.
2007-06-01 06:40:56 · update #1
Typically the bridesmaid pays for her dress, shoes, etc. Can you talk to your parents and let them know? Maybe they can help since you are in college and this is such a huge expense.
2007-06-01 06:28:57 · answer #1 · answered by Laura E 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
While the bridesmaids normally pay for their own bridesmaid dresses, the $400 price tag is outrageous! You should tell her that you are willing to be a bridesmaid but only if it is within your budget of perhaps $100. Set a limit and stick to it. If she wants hair and make up to be done a certain way, then she is responsible for that cost. Some brides make arrangements with a salon and have the bridesmaids all meet there at once. The bride either pays for it up front or has the salon bill her. My girlfriend works in a salon and she says this happens frequently. The bottom line is that the bride pays for any salon package. You are doing her a favor by being in her wedding, so she should respect your limits. Don't let her bully you into an outrageously expensive disaster.
2016-05-18 21:19:39 · answer #2 · answered by donald 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In every wedding I have been in the bridesmaids have been responsible for paying for their own dresses (luckily those were usually made by the brides' mothers), shoes, etc....usually the bride has made a gift of the jewelery, but that's the only thing she paid for. If you can't afford to pay for the stuff just graciously decline to be in the wedding and explain why. I think they should have chosen a more reasonably priced dress, you can find cute ones that are not so expensive. You can even rent them these days. That was somewhat inconsiderate on her part to ask her bridesmaids to spend so much!!
2007-06-01 06:38:59 · answer #3 · answered by Tallulah 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally the bridesmaid should pay for her dress. However, it is extremely rude of the bride to not consider the financial circumstances of those she has asked to be in the wedding. $270 for a bridesmaid dress you will wear one time is absurd. Talk to the bride. She is supposed to be paying for the wedding, not your brother. Ask her if she can make it less expensive or if she can help. If not, kindly decline being a bridesmaid and just attend the wedding as a guest. If they don't understand your situation then they are dumb as a bag of rocks.
2007-06-01 06:37:12 · answer #4 · answered by Ilene W 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Typically the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses and shoes, and the bride pays for hair and make-up. But, if your having a hard time swinging the expense, talk to your brother and his fiance. Let them know that you would love to participate in the wedding, but you simply can't afford it. I'm sure they'd be happy to help you out a bit.
2007-06-01 07:50:48 · answer #5 · answered by Rachel-Pit Police-DSMG 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Typically, the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses, which I find lame when the bride is the one to pick them!! And a $270 dress?! Come on. If I were you, I'd simply say no thanks, that you are happy to be a guest but that you just cannot afford the whole expense of being a bridesmaid. Hopefully, he will understand. Good luck!
2007-06-01 07:36:05 · answer #6 · answered by Shelley L 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have had to do research on that, because I am getting married in October, and etiquette says the bridesmaid is really supposed to pay for their own stuff. But I do agree with you that 270+ dollars is way too much to be expected to pay, especially if you are on a tight budget. I got some really cute dresses for 40 dollars a piece, so I just went ahead and paid for all mine, I didn't feel right asking them to pay since I asked them to be in MY wedding. I would just have a heart to heart talk with your brother and tell him how it is, maybe you will have to bow out as bridesmaid if they don't care enough to help you, or maybe you can do something else in the wedding where you don't have to pay for something so extravagant. My heart goes out to you. That sucks.
2007-06-01 07:13:03 · answer #7 · answered by Mollyruby 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The bridesmaid pays. You can make whatever arrangements you want, but you agreed to come to his wedding, to stand up as a member of the wedding party and you knew it was coming. You could have said no - and still can.
Of course, I am always insensed at Brides who are so busy with "Their special day" that they forget their friends have out of pocket expenses. The budget of the attendants should be a concern for the bride. 270 dollars for an ugly dress your only going to wear once might be a little out of hand.
You have a couple of options. If your brother can afford it, ask him if - for your gift (which they are obliged to buy for the attendants) he might help you defer the cost of the dress. This is only acceptable because he is a family member and there is so much love between you. Mention this issue to your parents as well and ask if they might help with part of the cost. Another option is hire a seamstress. Borrow one of the dresses from another attendant and have the seamstress make one for you - it's cheaper. You can find them in the phone book or ask at cloth stores for suggestions.
Also, if you are in such dire straits for money, perhaps you might put on your own make up and nail polish? Or find one of the other attendants to help you with it?
2007-06-01 06:41:37 · answer #8 · answered by Cindy H 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
As far as I know it is customary for the bridesmaid to pay for her own dress etc. If you truly cannot afford the dress and by doing so you will put yourself into financial hardship you should decline the invitation to be in the wedding party. If anything this will show your very insensitive brother that he is being blind to your situation. This crazy wedding stuff is getting out of hand in my opinion and the whole mess is making everyone broke. The saddest part is that after all of this insane money is spent (which most people cannot afford) the couples get divorced anyway!
2007-06-01 06:30:43 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Traditionally, the brides family was supposed to pay for all things pertaining to the bridesmaids. But it has become more common for brides to require their bridesmaids to pay their own way. If you can't afford it, talk to your brother and say that maybe you could be something else in the wedding, like a greeter or do a reading, where you could wear something that you already own.
2007-06-01 06:30:01 · answer #10 · answered by Daphne H 2 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Bridesmaids pay for their own dresses and other expenses. If you can't afford it just say your sorry that as much as you'd like to be a part of the wedding party you can't afford it.
2007-06-01 16:18:48 · answer #11 · answered by Classy Granny 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋