My fiance wants to have 9 bridesmaids, is this too much, what is the average number of women these days?

Question

I think that the number should be limited to 4 or 5, I thought the idea was to ask close friends and or family. Now I feel obligated to just ask someone to have an eqaul number. Not to mention that she has told me that she feels "obligated to ask" all of these cousins of hers etc. Again, I don't feel that there should be an obligation, but rather only people you truly want.

Answer 1

If you don't want to have 9 groomsmen, then don't, that's easy. And I agree with you 100% that you should have those around you who you feel closest to. HOWEVER, I understand where she's coming from, some families can get rather weird about stuff like this, and it seems the larger the family, the weirder they get. I come from a large family (oldest of 6 kids) so I know what I'm talking about here. My husband is the 4th of 5 kids--so we're double whammied in the large family dept.

If she truly doesn't want all these cousins to serve as bridesmaids, then she needs to communicate that to whoever she's feeling the pressure from. No guarantees here on my guess, but I'll bet it's her mother. Reassure her that you will support her in anything she decides on this, but let her know how you feel about this, and that if she's feeling "pressure" to have these cousins, maybe she ought to re-think it. There are other roles the cousins can play in the wedding besides serving as bridesmaids. But make sure you're prepared to support her no matter what, even if she does decide to just cave in and have them all to save the headache--sometimes you've got to do that just to keep the peace in the family.

Answer 2

9 is a crazy lot of people!!!! Typically, people only have 4 or 5, and we're having none, so go figure! The bridesmaids should be only very close friends or family...and with the expense of being a BM, I would hate to think I just spent all that money because someone felt "obligated" to ask me! Do the cousin's a favor and save them this familial obligation. It's only an honor to be asked to be a BM if the bride or groom actually WANT you.

Answer 3

She shouldn't feel obligated to ask people just because they are family. I was my cousins maid of honor. I am not having her as one of my bridesmaids. The way I chose my maids was this - I thought about my friends and out of those who are the ones that I confide things in. The ones that I call when something great happens or when I am feeling sad. The ones I knew would be there no matter what. She should only have those who answer those questons. Also, you don't have to have an even number unless you two are the kind of people where things just have to be equal. Two girls can walk together or the extra can walk alone. You two can make it any way that you want. Best wishes!

Answer 4

Hmmm, you seem to be in a dilemna if all 9 of them are your fiance's cousins. Perhaps she can narrow it down chronologically, say, the first 4 or 5 (however many groomsmen you really want to have) who are the closest in age to her. That way the other younger cousins don't feel discriminated for no good reason. No, you shouldn't just ask anyone to be a groomsman just to fill a number. Your wedding party is meant to be the people you truly respect and trust to help you out on one of the most important days of your life. Having too many might be a distraction and maybe even cause some unforseen problems. Good luck!

Answer 5

Yes, but there are many other things people can help with to be apart of the wedding such as sing a song at the church or read a reading. Give a speach or something a the reception...just make stuff up it's your day but she can get everyone involved if she HAS too.

Goodluck! Tell her also to put only her good friends in, a lot of time people will feel obligated but people will understand you don't want to have 9!

Answer 6

If your fiance wishes to have 9 bridesmaids, that is fine....you do not need to feel like you need to have 9 on your side as well. My Matron of Honor had about 10 bridesmaids when she got married...and her husband did not have the same number of groomsmen...so their solution was for only the Matron of Honor and Best Man stand up at the front after the processional. Otherwise, in a small church, there would have been no room for anyone to move!

If this is stressing you out, you should speak to your bride to be. Her bridal party should be her closest family and friends...no "fill in" people just to make the party bigger.

Answer 7

Yes that is too much. However some brides go over board like that and have that many or even more. Best is to keep it to 4 to 6. You should have the same number of ushers as bridesmaids so ask her to cut down the number.

Answer 8

Families create obligations. Mothers and aunts (uncles and grandparents too) can literally almost force your hand to include people that you wouldn't otherwise just to avoid a family feud. Nine seems like a lot to most of us but if she would rather do that than cause a minor war in the family please let her. You can stop your attendant count whenever you like and the rest of the girls can walk down alone or in a small collective. You never know, folks could turn her down and it's not an issue but if you stomp your feet about it now she's going to feel like she's floating alone because family is pressuring her on one side and you are doing the same thing on the other.

Answer 9

yowsa!

I read recently in "wedding ettiquite from hell" that the thing you have to keep in mind when choosing that many attendants is that do you think the audience really wants to look at 20 backsides? Cause that's how many it would be if you were to match her 9 plus you two. It also looks more than a bit on the ridicluous side. Honestly I think 3-4 is best. More than that almost makes the bride or groom look either insecure to stand up there alone, or wishy washy and indecisive as to who to choose.
Best wishes and Good Luck with that one.

Answer 10

Yes, 5 or 6 tops. Why don't you suggest to her putting her cousins in different roles? Like have two of them read something, and put the others in the "House Party." Its a group of ladies that aren't "bridesmaids" but do the guest book, cake cutting, pass out programs, help ushers seat...etc. I don't know where you're from, but I'm in the South and the house party is a very well known thing. They usually all wear a black dress or something and are very helpful. It's usually good friends/family who aren't close enough to be in the wedding but still are a part of the day. Good luck!