One time rapist?

Question

So this is a little wierd, but if you've kept up with me on yahoo answers, you know my ****.
Anyway, my neighbor raped me. He spent the next few days running in and out of his apartment and smoking and looking nervous. He called one of our mutual friends because he wanted to talk about what happened with her.
I reported him to our University and told our neighbors about it. He's still saying he thinks it was consensual. I was drunk. He admits that.
Anyway, everyone is saying he feels terrible.

I don't know what to think. I typed out a list, very unemotionally of everything that happened and he is reading it now (I presume). I asked him to fill in the blanks of what happened. I doubt he'll do it unless I put pressure on him again.

Anyway, does he sound like a first time offender? I really don't want to ruin his life, but I want him to face what he did and how wrong it was. And NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

What do you think?

I've had consentual sex before when I was drunk, the experiences were different. Everytime I think back on this memory, I feel trapped.

The other memory was just silly and makes me laugh.

Answer 1

If he was a 1st time murderer would that be ok. What about a 1st time child molester. Think about what you're saying. What about the 2nd or 3rd time. Is that still acceptable. You won't be ruining his life. He did that himself. You could be preventing it from happening to someone else. You sound like a pretty strong girl. The next one may not be so. She may even kill herself. Do the right thing and don't let him get away with it.

Answer 2

I'm not understanding the question... So what if he is a first time offender. Does that make it any better. Only a little worse if he is a second offender. A bit worse then if a third offender. Does that mean his fourth victim gets more sympathy and justice than his third?

An offender is an offender and a victim is a victim. If the University does not address this you should contact the local police department. In my view you should do this anyway. You should contact your parents and see a counselor both at the school and at home.

You are the victim of a violent crime. HE is not your problem. Worry only about yourself. You need to be checked for STD's. You may need a pregnancy test. You will need counseling and support as you come to terms with all of this.

I am sorry if I am sounding blunt, I am sooy if my response brings you any pain, I just want to make sure you take care of yourself!

And nothing you can do will ruin his life. If anything happens to him as a result of his raping you it will be HIS actions that have ruined his life!

Answer 3

Well first of all do you know your neighbor? Like did you two go out together a lot? Did you guys flirt or anything? I am not saying what he did wasn't wrong but lots of people get drunk and hookup. If this man was like a friend to you and you were out together he may not have known that you did not want to do it. However he sounds kind of guilty- running to a mutual friend and trying to establish his side of the story. If you are friends with him I would suggest talking the event over with him and seeing what exactlly happened- but if this man was like a stranger- like that it was never a possibility for you two to hookup then make it clear to everyone that you did not want to do it and stay away from him. If the man truley took advantage of you and there is no mistake about it then file a report- don't worry about ruining this man's life what he did was not your fault and he should not have done it. Besides you would feel terrible if down the road you find out you weren't his first victum or his last. It is your responsibility to stand up for yourself.

Answer 4

It sounds like a bad situation and I'm sorry for your pain but are you sure this is not just regret. You were drunk? Did he beat you up and force himself on you or did you both make a bad decision? Be careful throwing the rape word around because it will ruin lives. If he did indeed rape you, call the cops and put this man in jail. He will do it to someone else. If you feel regret for what happened because you wouldn’t have sex with him sober and it was a mistake you need to drop it and move on.

Good luck.

Answer 5

What is University doing about it? Are they calling it date rape? Why would you worry about his ruined life? Didn't he ruin yours? Press charges on that loser..first time or hundredth time he has no right to take advantage of a drunk girl...and being drunk is no excuse, NO is NO it's a complete sentence, if you were truly unwilling its rape and he should pay consequences for his actions...or you want him to come back and do it again and this time kill after wards? no witnesses next time? anything is possible if he gets away with it.

Answer 6

Report him to the police or campus police (?), otherwise he will do it to another girl.

You cannot solve this situation by yourself. Putting a guilt trip on him won't work either. Drunk or not, he should not have taken advantage of you.

You should have gone to the hospital to get evidence and make sure physically you are OK. Counselling wouldn't hurt.

Either way, one rape is too many.

Answer 7

Call the police. There may no longer be any actual physical evidence, but do you really want to feel responsible if he does it to someone else? And getting drunk is always a bad idea.

Answer 8

Yeah, he does sound like a first time offender, by the way you describe the way he acts, yeah I think he is a first time offender. Just do what you think is right.

Answer 9

Personally, I think the "I was drunk so I was raped" deal is a load of garbage. If someone is drunk & kills someone in an accident, we don't say they aren't responsible for their behavior. So, why should we say someone isn't responsible for their behavior if they were drunk & had sex? If he was drunk also, couldn't he say you raped him & claim to be the victim, negating his own responsibility? Personally, I believe there are a lot of women who suffer true rapes, & truly feel for them. If this guy had held a woman down against her will & forced himself on her, I'd say he needs to go to prison or worse. However, if I were to say he was a rapist for having sex with a drunk girl, I would probably be calling a lot of men in here rapists. They don't deserve this label any more than real rape victims should have to be lumped together with people who stupidly got drunk & don't want to accept responsibility for having sex with a guy.

Answer 10

As long as you said no, it's rape. Sounds like this is not the first time he's done this. You need to call the cops. He needs to pay for what he has done. And you need to seek professional help. This will be with you for the rest of your life.

Good Luck..............