Is this normal for a father?

Question

My husband doesn't work while I do and he stays home to look after the kids. He leaves them in their rooms for quite a large portion of the day which I know isn't right and arrangments have been made to stop this but is it normal for children's fathers to want to spend as little time with them as possible as "they fry his brain" by going on all the time.

Any experience is much appreciated as I am actually at the point of leaving him as I don't see it can be right.

Thanks guys I was half expecting total abuse on this question to be honest. My hours are changing in four weeks time so that I will be with them much more and from Sept I have told him to go back to work.... I don't get how much time he wants them away from him they are children after all (2 and 4 years old)

Answer 1

Normal?

I don't know.

It's who he is, though. What if it were reversed? What if you were home & he was working and you didn't want to spend time with the kids? What would you want him to do?

My husband's home with the kids during the day when I'm at work. When I get home, he goes to sleep so he can work 3rd shift. I know that, overall, he spends more time playing with the kids, one-on-one, than I do.

It really doesn't matter what's 'normal'. What matters is whether your kids are getting what they need to be physically, intellectually and emotionally healthy.

Answer 2

The husband and a wife should spend equal time with the kids. Remember they are a part of both of us. It sounds like the children are getting bored about the house. Could he not take them out and about to a park or maybe something like that during the day. It will do him good as well as the kids and they will sleep better at night and be less bored in the day time. He might even enjoy their company if he made more of an effort.

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear that but what i would do is not be so drastic and leave him yet but first try to do more family things together out doors and make him be more responsible and clean the house also try to make after school programs like soccer so he can watch them and give them confidence also try to get the family together like going to the park , fishing, or even a theme park. Make him do work around the house like cook so then later you'll eat as a family. Also it's not healthy for a child to be in the room all the time (I'm a kid i know) they tead to get board and get up to mischief. You don't want them to steal or do drugs behind your back because they feel not wanted. So try to talk to him other whys dump the fool! Also take your child to work and see what you do if he doesn't do anything.

Answer 4

If he stays home to look after the kids, then why isn't he doing it? Right now what he's doing is pretty much the equivalent of someone saying they'll look after your dog and then keeping him locked in the kennel all day.

If the only reason he's staying home is to care for the kids, then he needs to do a better job. If he wants to care for them but just doesn't know what to do with them, then contact your state or county health department for ideas, or visit one of the parenting boards on boards.webmd.com and ask for ideas.

If they fry his brain, then he needs to get a job and they need to go to daycare. It will give them more stimulation and attention they're getting now.

Answer 5

Since he is unable to deal with the children on a full-time basis (and not everyone can) then he should just go back to work and you two should find a suitable babysitter and/or daycare or you stay home with them.

Some people are just not able to be around kids all day long - male or female - and society makes them feel bad for being that way - it's just how they are wired - we are all different.

Good luck.

Answer 6

I am the father of three girls. I spend a lot of time with my kids, but it seems to be odd to some people that a man would want to spend time with his kids. The fact that your husband is spend as little time as possible with them seems to point to the fact that he feels of low status compared to you and ashamed of not being the "bread winner". Depending on the age of the kids and the support you mught get in case of separation it might be better to try a period of separation. My ex-wife and I divorced 7 years ago and I still think it was for the better in the end. It was not and still is not easy but overall I think it is better than arguing( in our case) or being ignored. I don't know if this will help at all. Sorry if it has confused you .

Answer 7

Men are inherently selfish but this is not 'normal', by which I think you mean 'is this acceptable?'. These kids are far to young to be kept in their rooms all day and, no matter how grumpy he is, they'll still just want to be with him - he's their dad and perfect in their eyes. He needs to realise that while they'll adore him no matter what at the moment - they'll grow up and have no relationship with him and only memories of being locked away from him - tell him this; if he's not bothered by that outcome then he's not gonna change and you need to step in and give the kids the attention they need. You're changing your hours at work to be with them - would he? My hubby is a good Dad to our 3 (9,7 and 1) but I don't feel he connects to them like I do - I think it's an unusual man who would.

Answer 8

Some guys are just like that. You don't say how old they are, but my ex was actually pretty mean to my son, (his step-son), and we went around about it all of the time. (He didn't pay much attention to his own kids either). I would have rather that he stayed in his room to avoid him, but he was probably 8-17 when he treated him this way. But at least my ex worked!
If you feel that the kids would be better off without him, dump him! Obviously if he doesn't work, what do you have to lose?

Answer 9

You as a mother, if you was home looking after the children, would you do it. I know i wouldn't. If your husband doesn't like it then he should find a job which pays more than yours so that you can give up work. I think he is selfish and the kids should have a life other that in their bedrooms all day.

Answer 10

There is nothing wrong with stay-at-home fathers, as long as it works for you. However, there is something terribly wrong with him putting your children in their rooms. It sounds like he may need a break, or an activity to help him regroup and destress. Also, it may be good in the children had activities outside of the home as well.