I need good advice about how to handle a friendship on the verge of destruction...............................

Question

Hello, all. First off, I want to say that I am a Christian and I have tried to handle this in a loving and forgiving way, but it seems that nothing I do makes anything better. Let me explain. My friend, who I have known for about 2 years I met through bible study. We got very close and talk on the phone at least twice a day. Well, she got really upset at someone in our study really for no reason. She is just acting really ridiculous. Well, ever since she got upset the first time, it is like she is just getting upset over everything. She misinterprets everything that anyone says, she acts like we are all against her(we are a real small group, and are all very close, that is why this is so hard) she is acting victimized or something. She is paranoid that no one likes her, that we are leaving her out of plans, that we criticize her mothering skills, and honestly, that is just simply not the case. We are all very hurt that she is acting like this. We have all told her how much

we have all told her how much we care for her, but she will not listen. I don't understand where all of this came from out of the blue. And the bad thing about it is: she won't even tell anyone else too much of how she feels, I am the one that is taking the brunt of it all!!! She constantly calls me up accusing me of telling little secrets about her in B.S. just because she saw me whisper in someone's ear. And that was not the case at all. I wasn't talking about anyone, I was trying not to disturb the study. But, she takes things like that and turns them all into what there not. I really want to show her that I will love her no matter what. I do not want to give up on this friendship, but honestly, I am really starting to get angry with her. Does anyone know any advice?

Honestly, no one did anything to her. She is misinterpreting EVERYTHING. Like she is narcissistic or something. She thinks that EVERYTHING that is said or done has to do with her.

Answer 1

I have been in plenty of Bible studies where something like this has happened. Often when the word of God hits people they get offended.

The group may have talked about a sin that she may have been guilty of at sometime and thought it was being directed toward her.

A lady I know recently quit her church because she had a sin in her life and the pastor preached about the sin not knowing about her situation. But she thought it was directed at her.

What has to be done and by everyone involved is to make sure she knows that she is loved. And that sin is forgiven through the blood of Jesus.

I have also seen time when someone will get upset over the disagreement of one thing and things seem to snowball and get worse.

All we can do is present Jesus Christ to everybody along with the Word of God. We need to be kind and gentle. And in a study group we do not need to plow over someone who believes differently. But rather reason together according to the scriptures.

Sometimes the Word of God becomes to hard for some people to follow. If they can not conform the the Bible they may wind up leaving.

Answer 2

Well, she is definitely hurting. It doesn't have anything to do with you or your group. Who do we show hurt the most and let it sometimes out in the wrong way? Usually the people we care about the most. We sometimes treat family members worse than we would any stranger. It's because we feel comfortable and know that we are still loved, no matter what. If your friend can't share what is upsetting her, then please go to the one who can help. Pray without ceasing. That means, when she calls you up, send a quick prayer to God:"Lord, give me your love so that I can love my friend. Give me the right words to say and let me not be judgemental." Pray whenever you think of her, especially when your thoughts are unkind."Lord, take this from me. Deal with my friend and use me if you want. Bless her abundantly." We often start focusing in too much, not including God and wanting to handle things ourselves. That's the time to call on God. He knows exactly what is going on and he knows what to do. Be an example to your friend and the others at Bible study that we may not gossip and talk badly about others, but that we are in prayer for them and that God's love shines through us. God bless. I wish you all well.
TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING; IN ALL YOUR WAYS ACKNOWLEDGE HIM, AND HE WILL MAKE YOUR PATHS STRAIGHT.

Answer 3

Have you asked her why she feels this way? Did you listen without offering advice? Perhaps you can be the bond that makes it easier for her to interact with the group. Let her know that it doesn't matter what people think of her, only god is allowed to judge and only he will be her judge, and also let her know you're there for her regardless of what anyone else says or thinks. Once she gets her confidence back, she'll stop taking things out of context and hence stop thinking everything is about her, but right now she's feeling really persecuted... and it may not have anything to do with the group, it may be someone outside like her husband, mother, father, or someone else that's close to her. Find out what's bothering her, and help her get her confidence back.

Answer 4

Your friend has serious emotional problems. Sometimes love and kindness are not enough to break through. She needs help, and it seems like it is beyond your expertise to give it.

A disruptive person should not be part of your group obviously. You can't get anything done. You should probably announce that because of all the conflict you are dissolving your bible study group.

Then when things have settled a bit, quietly reform your group - without her. You'll all be better friends for it.

Answer 5

She's possibly having problems deeper than just the people she goes to the Bible study with. Maybe she's having problems at home? The center of her life, being her home life, could have issues. And being defensive is her only way, that she knows, to deal with it?
Maybe something you guys talked about in your studies triggered a sensitive spot in her life, and she's blaming you guys for bringing it up?
Honestly, you should ask her, talk to her about it as a group. And everyone should be supportive and tell her that all of you are there to help her, not be against her.

Answer 6

I feel it is headed for destruction. Reason is what I see on the news every day is already predicted in the Bible. 2 Timothy 3 Perilous Times and Perilous Men 3 But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: 2 For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, 3 unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, 4 traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having a form of godliness but denying its power. And from such people turn away! 6 For of this sort are those who creep into households and make captives of gullible women loaded down with sins, led away by various lusts, 7 always learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth. 8 Now as Jannes and Jambres resisted Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, disapproved concerning the faith; 9 but they will progress no further, for their folly will be manifest to all, as theirs also was. MIMI

Answer 7

Perhaps something is going on her life that she doesn't want to share for whatever reasons and its bleeding into your group? Just ask her if there is anything she wants to talk about. That you are willing to listen if she needs you with out judgment. It sounds like a little displacement on her part. Don't judge her too harshly. You don't know what she might be going through.
*edit* You can always tell her you love her and you will there when she IS ready to talk but that you won't put up with how she is treating you. Tell her to call you when she is ready to talk.

Answer 8

There are 2 possibilities.
1: She is simply being selfish and ego-centric.
2: She has emotional problems.
It does not all depend on you.
If you have tried personally, and as a group, to set matters straight, then you have done your utmost.
Assure her she is welcome to resume, but then let her be.
Let her be 100%, in all respects.
She must come to appreciate that her conduct can affect her friendships.

Answer 9

I suffer from anxiety and your friend sounds a bity like me when I'm not on medication (not something I will do again). She's probably frightened, timid, and over analyzing everything you say. All you can do is be supportive and ask her to explain what she feels and why and then asak her if she thinks it's rational. When she concedes that it isn't, suggest therapy.

Good luck. Don't be hurt. She is probably ill, not trying to injure you.

Answer 10

You can only control you. You cannot control her or how she reacts to situations. You can be her friend and confidant. It sounds as if she may have some self-confidence issues bordering on paranoia. Until and unless she realizes that she has personal issues that she needs to deal with all you can do is be her friend and continue to be her friend but don't expect too much.