Have you ever been present when someone died?

Question

I've been present at a fair number of deaths (several were gory, ugly deaths) and was just curious what it was like for others.

stayathomemom: no...I'm a Viet Nam veteran. 1968-1969

tom tom 1: It was far from "good for me."

Tom tom1: Certainly you may ask. I asked this question to see if others have had the same kind of feeling I've had with my encounters with death. I'm sure my feelings are not unique, but I thought it might be helpful if some other people could validate the great difficulty I've had in removing some of the ugliness that seems stuck in my head about wittnessing senseless deaths.

Thank you, Terri. To be perfectly honest with you, I had to wipe away a few tears because of your tragic story. On so many occasions I've felt so close to you and greatly admire your ability to communicate so effectively. Thanks again, from the old wizard.

Answer 1

I'm glad I answered this late because I want to tell *you* about this, but I dunno about everybody else.

You were in Vietnam as I remember. I can't imagine what that would be like.

My death wasn't gory. My neice was 14 months old. She knew 3 names: mama, dada and taytay (my name is Terri). I saw her every day of her short life. She was born with a congenital heart defect and survived "miracle" surgery at 2 days old. They had to do another, "maintenence" surgery on her at 14 months, but the surgery didn't go well. She didn't wake up from the anesthesia. Mom, Dad and I drove the 500 miles to Denver hospital and watched her die over a week. I took the night shift - so someone was always with her and I've always been an insomniac. She was laying, naked on the bed, tubes running into her heart, veins, mouth, nose. Slowly her little arm turned black from lack of circulation but I kept justifying it, hoping. Praying my heart out, asking that god take MY firstborn, but leave this one alone. On Saturday afternoon they said they were losing her. Her heartrate dropped a little bit every hour but finally it was starting to go up! They told us, this was the end. My sister held her as her heart finally stopped. The rest of us were in the room, praying her into heaven.

It wasn't uplifting or beautiful. I felt no comforting arms of Jesus. Just...devestation. And I felt very inadequate to ease everyones pain.

Answer 2

I witnessed a realive taken off a respirator last week. Most gracefully only several breaths were drawn after the tube was removed.

The other was very old and there were gasps and stutters over the last hours. I thought she was gone many times then another gasp. Finally a realaxing of all the tension lines on her face and a strangely peaceful look.

I did also see an aquaintance crash his experimental plane, but I could not see his face only the plane dropping from the sky as we gasped then screamed and ran for extinguishers.

It is an odd feeling and it makes me think about and value life. I'm thankful I havent had to witness gory deaths up close. It is difficult to see people in extreme pain.

I think I should prefer a quick death, like the plane explosion if I had my druthers.

Answer 3

I've been present at quite a few deaths myself, only a few I could label as "gory", such as the guy who wound up dead in a ditch because he didn't have a seatbelt on and when the car flipped he was ejected, (his wife was pinned under part of the car several yards away). At that time I was already familiar with death and was more worried about the poor guy who witnessed it who didn't understand the man in the ditch was really dead.

Death only bothered me because of what other people made of it. So I guess you could say their reaction to it is what really bothered me. My first exposures to death was always about family, and if I had attachment to the person I was sad when they died, but otherwise I usually got worked up about how other people weren't dealing with it.

_()_

Answer 4

I was present when my aunt and my mother both passed away. My aunt died of leukemia in her home and my mother died of cancer in the hospital 10 years later.

They both struggled to breathe at the end as their body wore down and my mother was in a coma for several hours before she passed and that made it hard to see her like that. It was a blessing when they both passed so they wouldn't have to suffer anymore.

When my grandmother was dying, I couldn't go to the hospital and be with her but she had plenty of other family members there. I just didn't want the memory of another loved one dying and she and I were very close so that would have made it that much harder for me since she was like a second mother to me.

I couldn't handle a gory death and hope I never have to. I won't even watch surgeries on TV because I don't want to see all that blood and stuff, even though I've had 13 surgeries myself (I didn't have to watch those, though ~ lol)

I used to watch ER but quit watching that or any other hospital shows just because they bothered me, probably because of the connection with my mother's death.

And that's odd because I can watch police shows (Third Watch for one) which can be dramatic and bloody at times but that doesn't get to me the same way so it must be psychological when it comes to hospital stuff.

Answer 5

yes, I have...
waht makes me wonder is the "fair number of ugly ang gory"
you must be either a doctor, or... ?
how was it for me ?
another human life wasted... another wife, father, mother, brother, sister, child left alone... how was it for you ?
was it good ?
P.P.S. I salute you, thank you Gandalf, I was with the 101st.
no matter how hard I try I still can not make sense of it... never will...

P.S. no disrespect meant in any way, I am sorry, this kind of question angers me... I hope you never experienced a battelfield... it is beyond words... the movies you see are all phony, they miss the stench of human waste and the scattered body parts...last death I saw was a soldier clutching a photo of the loved one, she bled to death just minutes before, her eyes were still open...
may I ask respectfully why you ask questions like that ?
there must be a reason...
may you find peace...

Answer 6

I was there when my favorite auntie left. It was hard because she had lung cancer. That said, there is no where else I would have wanted to be. It was late at night only her children and one daughter in law, me and my brother were there. We were gathered around her bed and told her we loved her it was OK. I had my hand on her and felt her spirit leave. She was surrounded by the people who loved her best the ones she raised and the ones she took in at times like me. If you are going to go from a bad illness it was a good way to leave.

I am sorry that the things you saw continue to haunt you. My uncle served two tours as a green beret. he doesn't talk about it but he has had flash backs. That's scary.

Answer 7

Yes. It's odd how someone looks just like a person, then they don't. Somehow, in that stillness that is so clearly not sleep, they become a thing.

I can understand why some need to believe there is than more than just this ending for us, that we become more than a broken machine, just cold meat.

Sorry you ended up on the line in Nam. Thank you so very much for your service.

Answer 8

Life' pursuits are designed to distract us from thinking of death. We keep busy and avoid thinking these thoughts. This only works if you are not battling a serious illness like cancer or heart disease. This is why people pray 'now I lay me down to sleep , I pray the Lord my soul to keep , If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. The life examined is not worth living . We end up making each day count when we realize we could die at anytime. The horrific earthquakes and tsunami reminds us that the next is not guaranteed.

Answer 9

Yes, someone very close to me...hemorrhagic stroke. Doctors could not stop the bleeding.

I would say it was horrible to stand by and not be able to do anything for them...but I did something, I prayed. I prayed a prayer of thanksgiving. I thanked the Lord for allowing them to be in my life for the time they were here. I thanked Him for all this person was and helped me to become. I said many prayers of intercession that night during the roller-coaster ride of emotions my heart and head were going through. I even prayed for strength in the coming days. My prayers was answered.

There are no good-byes in Christ Jesus. I will get to see them again in Heaven. I take great comfort in that. I also witnessed many miracles that night...the living God is gracious even in physical death.

Peace be with you.

Answer 10

We were all at my father-in-laws side when he died of cancer. It was a slow, painful death, until right before the end. Then he finally seemed calm and pain-free for the first time in months. Even though we all it was going to happen and was for the best, it was still hard and emotional.

God Bless.