Has it gone too far this time?

Question

Follow up to my questions:

What should i do?
What would you do?

Well, went round his last night ON the condition that he wouldn't try and argue, make sarcastic little comments etc etc. he promised me.

hahaha BIG MISTAKE.......as soon as i got round he was bellowing at me......saying he doesnt believe a thing i say, and he doesn't like the person i am (funny when he's the one that's been like this for the week without giving me a reason) !

When i said 'If you carry on, i'm walking out that door til u calm down' he smashed a glass.......and that just sparked something in me so i hate to admit that i threw one too.....

I have always been a placcid person, calm and compassionate but damn, does this guy bring something out in me i've never felt before.

When i called a taxi he was coming up and shouting and sneering RIGHT in my face, i kept poking him away with my finger to keep him away but he just kept coming closer and was even spitting (not deliberately) on my face

and i just snapped and slapped him round the face! I regretted it as soon as i done it but he was acting in such a threatening way......he also kept coming up close and waving his arms about near me......i think he knows this will upset me because i grew up around domestic violence SO it shocks me to think he'll act this way.

So now i've woken up feeling sick to my stomach.

What would you do in this situation? I find sometimes i can be too weak-willed.....

He has never hit me and haven't ever thpugh he would but then, do i really know him???

I DO care a lot, and we get on so well WHEN it's not like this, but throughout, he's been, say, okay for a month, then like this for a week and it's a pattern.

All i think is WHEN is this going to stop? WHEN are the arguments gonna stop? He has problems, and i feel for him BUT so do i, and i don't treat him like that.

Answer 1

Girl you need to get away from this guy and stay away!! Hes no good! Find someone who will respect ya!

Answer 2

You should put as much distance between the two of you as you can and fast. As someone who was around domestic violence you should know how fast things can escalate. Especially since you have no idea why he has changed to be like this. How many threats can you take? Not only that you said that it is changing you some since you acted out by throwing the glass as well. Do you really want to become what he has. You are going to have to dig down deep, get over being weak willed and move on. Keep the courts and the police numbers handy in case he doesnt agree with your decision and presses you. Dont hesitate to call the cops because if you need to get a restraining order later havng some of his problems documented helps.

Answer 3

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. Sometimes you just have to cut your loses and move on. You say there are many great times but them these episodes happen. What if it was a fly car? 40% of the time all was great. People are ooing and ahhing when they see you cruise it it but 60% it is letting you down or getting you into situations that could be hazardous on the road. Do you keep the car and hope the mechanics will somehow get better? Ot just say I can't be getting stuck time after time and get another? Logically you have the same choice here. Whatever trouble he has, that he is taking out on you, unless you can get him to nail it down. It is not going to get better. You can refuse to see him face to face and say because you feel he has become too dangerous to your health and too disrespectful to you in general. And when you do go see him, take a g/f with you. Maybe then he will see you ARE serious. And if he really wants you, he will make changes. Why he even keeps you around I can only guess for the sex. But outsode the bedroom you have nothing.

Answer 4

This doesn't sound like a good situation to be in at all. And I guess most people will want to know why you are seeing this guy if he treats you this way. However we don't know all the facts here, does this happen often? Was this the first time? Have you seen anything to suggest he has a violent nature?

To me, it looks like you are bringing out the worst in each other, and if things continue the way you describe, you're heading for a violent relationship with this guy. Once someone shows any kind of violence then you have to consider this when deciding how you wants things to contine. You have no idea where this is going to lead to, and I would urge you to bear that in mind when working out what you do next

Answer 5

What on earth are you two doing with each other? One day one of you is going to go too far and someone will get seriously hurt. You sound like a couple of kids throwing a tantrum , for goodness sake either sort your relationship out or pack it in. Violence & screaming at each other is not resolving whatever issues you have, and for whatever reason this has been sparked off, you both need to talk about it and come to some sort of solution rather quickly. Personally. reading your question I think it has gone too far and you need a break, if not an end to this completely. Lashing out in anger is not acceptable and I definitely would be walking.

Answer 6

You simply have to move on...

What is the point of making yourself ill with days like yesterday.......not once in your long question did you mention any sort of love or deep emotional feelings for him.....you simply imply that things have carried on because you are too weak willed to do anything about it...

Maybe you know no better but there are decent men out there and proper relationships to be had......failing that, what is wrong with being free and single and enoying yourself....some you time should never be overlooked...

In a few months you will look back and think you are so glad that you moved on....

Good luck - I know it isn't easy.

Answer 7

Ive been in your situation and it eventually ended in severe violence towards me..
All the questioning that your doing is not the indication that you are in a happy healthy relationship. Make it clear to him that this is unacceptable, that you will not go through a domestic violence situation again. I think for your own safety and for your self respect and happiness you need to end this relationship.
Good luck and take care.

Answer 8

CODEPENDENCY::::::::::
SEE THIS IS A RELATIONSHIP THAT ON A WAY IS SICK
IF YOU GREW UP WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THIS.
YOU WILL NOT CHANGE HIM
UNLESS HE WANTS TO CHANGE
IF YOU KEEP SAYING LOOK IF YOU DON'T DO THIS. I WILL DO THIS!
BUT WHEN IT HAPPENS YOU STAY
WELL THAT'S WHEN THE CODEPENDENCY COMES UP
CARING FOR SOME ONE IS NOT THE SAME AS PUTTING UP WITH SOME ONE.
ON PERSONAL EXPERIENCE:
HE HAS NEVER HIT YOU BUT THE WAY HE ACTS IS JUST LOOKING FOR THE SITUATION TO DO SO.
IF THE RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER HAS DISSIPATED \
THEN THERE IS NO TURNING BACK

SO ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS

GIRL JUST WALK AWAY! JUST WALK AWAY!

GOOD LUCK.

Answer 9

Because you grew up around domestic violence you try and put yourself in relationships that are at the edge. I would not ever in a million years talk see or even think of this guy. If you ever see him again it could go off the rails and you could end up in hospital.
leave him and never return.
A friend of mine when I was growing up was in a violent relationship and I got wrapped up in it, never would I want to see a women have to go through that sh*t.

Answer 10

I dont think that he is the right one for you. He shouldnt do it to anyone, but especially not when he knows what you grew up around. I think you should stop seeing him and get a calm, kind, caring boyfriend who will treat you right. If this caries on you may have to get the police involved as he could seriously hurt you one day.
Good Luck!

Answer 11

You need to get out of this so called relationship QUICKLY! He is nothing but a control freak who is winding you up and making you feel bad about yourself! You are worth much more than that (keep saying that to yourself!) and find someone who makes you feel special.He will never change (you said this has become a pattern with him)Walk away and let him get on with his miserable life without you.Good luck!