About 18 months ago, my cousin (who I grew up with closely) got engaged, and asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. I obviously said yes, l was honored to. Today she told me that she has become very close friends with one of her workmates (who she's worked with for a year), and that she's like her to take my place! I couldn't believe it, is this so rude or is it just me? She didn't even offer to still fit me in, although she said she would try and find some other role in the wedding for me. But I'm so upset that l said no, and now her mother and mine are both angry at me for ruining her day! What should l do?
2007-06-01 01:26:26 · 15 answers · asked by Weeme 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Your cousin was being very rude. Her co-worker probably assumed she too was going to be a bridesmaid and threw a fit when she found out she wasn't one so your cousin chose you to be the one to get replaced.... And that's something I don't understand. Y'all grew up together and, instead of one of the other bridesmaids, she selects you to be replaced. And why on earth would her and your mothers be upset with you?!? They have no right to be upset with you! Your cousin is the one they should be upset with! One thing in wedding ettiquette that every bride should follow is to chose her bridesmaids carefully and when she makes her decision, it should be FINAL. Period.
If I were you, I'd sit my cousin and both our mothers down and get both sides of the story out in the open so everyone knows what's going on.
2007-06-01 02:30:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is quite rude. She already asked you to be a bridesmaid...period. Unless you two had some major fight or falling out, I see no reason why she should drop you for some new-found friend that she probably won't be friends with after the wedding. Can't she just add another bridesmaid?? The rule of not ruining the brides day should only be taken so far...they should still have common courtesy and be sensitive to the feelings of others!
The only thing is...you really don't want to be a bridesmaid if she doesn't want you there. It will be awkward and uncomfortable. I would talk to her first and tell her how hurt you were that she decided to drop you out of the wedding party for no good reason. If she is unsympathetic and still wants you out, I would just do it. And then I would remember that when your wedding roles around.
Keep in mind it is not the end of the world if you aren't in the wedding party. I know it hurts, but be the better woman.
Good luck!
2007-06-01 01:33:16 · answer #2 · answered by Mia1385 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right that was very rude. The two of you have a lifetime history not just a year. If it was so important that her new friend be in the wedding, she should have found a place for her or had both of you be bridesmaids. Give it a couple of days, so everyone calms down, then talk to your cousin and the moms about how hurt you feel and make a point of telling her that all that matters is her big day. Be sure to include that you love her that mends a lot of fences.
2007-06-01 01:38:22 · answer #3 · answered by berydivine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know why you think you can't be in her wedding. If my best friend/bridesmaid broke her foot the week before my wedding, I'd want her there anyway! It wouldn't matter to me if she had to hobble down the aisle on crutches, or cut her dress so it would fit over her cast. Having my friend stand up with me is the most important thing. Do tell your cousin ASAP, though, if you really feel you can't be in the wedding because standing causes you severe pain, then maybe she can find a replacement. If you can manage on crutches, keep your obligation! The photographer will be able to creatively pose you so no one will even know you had a broken foot that day, unless they were there.
2016-05-18 04:16:34 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I Understand what you feel however this could be the thing that may push you two away from a relationship if you don't let go the hurt and anger. Know that it is her special day and she may regret it later if the workmates friendship becomes sour (usually happens) and she will have to face you another time in sympathy. I would tell your cousin that you were honored to be chosen first and that you do truly love her the way only family can. She may not realize you are truly hurt by this change since she may be wrapped up in all the wedding plans and feelings of getting married. best of wishes.
2007-06-01 02:25:18 · answer #5 · answered by Numom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it was rude. I'm sure you know that. Use these types of instances to take mental notes on things you won't do in the future.
As for this wedding, be happy you won't have to wear an apricot gown with a butt bow. Instead, you can show up looking glamorous, in the dress of your choice, as a guest at the wedding. Much more fun!
I'm sure you won't let this come between you. After all, she's your cousin and you've known each other all your lives. She's just going through a bit of a 'bridezilla' phase. As for volunteering for other things, I would advise against that. If you're asked to take part in the wedding (say as a reader) you may wish to participate. After all, it's pretty low-key and you don't need to spend a lot of time or money. Don't be afraid to say 'no' if she asks you to host a gala or set up the reception hall. You're not her caterer.
2007-06-01 01:54:16 · answer #6 · answered by retropink 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can totally understand why you are upset, but can't understand why your/her Mother are angry at you.
First of all sort the Mother's out! Explain how hurt and let down you feel, you may also wish to do the same with your Cousin.
However on the big day, slap on your happiest face, smile through the hurt and do not do anything to spoil the day. This will show what a 'big' person you are, being able to rise above the pettiniss.
Smile :-)
2007-06-01 01:31:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good greif that was rude and childish of her! I'm so sorry for your disappointment. Did you purchase your items for the wedding yet (dress, shoes, etc.) as if you did I would politely ask her to pay for them-I honestly believe that is only fair. I may be childish too, but I wouldn't be able to stand there and do the guestbook (or whatever) when I know that I was to be a bridesmaid until she make a newfound friend. Goodl uck to you, and sorry again that this happened to you.
2007-06-01 02:21:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is very rude of her, but you should be the bigger person. I know its not easy, but try. This is her wedding. However, if she does offer you another role in the wedding I would think very hard about whether or not to take it. You don't have to
2007-06-01 01:29:23 · answer #9 · answered by cpblair 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I agree with you... She was rude and insensitive. I don't think their is any need for you to want to play a role in her wedding. You didn't ruin her day -- she did.
2007-06-01 02:04:34 · answer #10 · answered by KaseyT33 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋