how am i supposed to act?

Question

My boyfriend of four years is always soooo busy with school, work, his fitness training, and college baseball. He never has any energy to go anywhere or do anything! I feel very bad for him when he comes home from a hard day at work beat red from the sun and drops down on his bed because he is exhausted. However, I do feel there are times that he could put me before some of his trips to the gym or before he offers to play baseball for teams on his only day off and tells me he cant go to the lake or spend the day with me when I have not seen him all week. He is still very sweet to me and I know he is doing good things for himself and its not like he is out drinking all night, but i get pissed off when im lonely every day of my life, I feel like i dont even know him anymore. How should I act, Should I be supportive and put my feelings aside, or should I keep getting pissed because i am?

we are only 20 and we both have full time jobs and go to college. He tells me that its going to get better and he is doing this now to have a better future with me. He works out and plays ball not only because he loves it, but that is what is putting him through school! He has no way around what he is doing, i just feel lonely all the time

Answer 1

If he wants to be with you, he needs to make some time for you. If you don't speak up now, it will never change.

My sister married a guy that put his leisure, and hobbies before her, and their 2 children!

His distraction of choice; Hunting and Fishing. He just didn't see why he needed to come home after work, or why he needed to be around on the weekends when there were things to shoot or hook.

They got divorced.

You don't want to be in that boat. Express your concerns to him. Part of it is youthfulness, part of it is his priorities. I'm sure school comes first (which it should be for now!), but sounds like sports and working out come 2nd and 3rd; Your 4th. This might change, but I doubt it if you don't talk to him.

He might be a little defensive at first, but he truly loves you, he should be willing to make some sacrifices. If he's not ready to make those sacrifices, you have to decide whether that's acceptable to you.

Your feelings DO matter, and not dealing with them will be far worse.

Answer 2

HE HE HE HE...Look how many times you wrote this! You need to have a sit down with him and let him know that he is not ready for a real relationship when he has no time to devote to it. One night/day from the gym will not render him any less wind or muscles. And why are you not there with him?

You are making enough excuses for him to fill a silo. STOP! ONLY YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS. NOT HIM. You need to concentrate on what you want in a relationship and deliver it to him. If he cannot fit you in his schedule, then WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES, do you want a future with a man who only has his agenda's in the forefront? Also, you are just where he wants you, AT HOME, tending to all the things that gives him the freedom to neglect you. Living together before marriage is not that advantageous for females; but, I guess you have learned that lesson.

You need to consider this list and count what you are doing wrong:

If A Man Really Wants You!

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he does not want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that is not meant to be.
S l o w e r is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve; then heck no, you cannot "be friends".
A friend would never mistreat a friend.
Do not settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Do not stay because you think, "it will get better".
You will be mad at your self, a year later, for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who have a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He did not marry them when he got them pregnant. Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
Do NOT EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man. Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he will cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals.
Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary.
Dating is fun, even if he does not turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always knows where you are and you are always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.
Do not fully commit to a man who does not give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar; but get to know others.

Answer 3

The longer you "support him" the more he being taught that it is ok to treat you that way.....I have been there toots, wasted 15 years of life of his music crap.

Its one thing to be supportive, but you guys can work out together, he can occasionally skip a work out to spend the day with you at the lake....if he doesn't it a heck of lot easier to end it now than to wait until your life has been put on hold for his needs, by then you will have children. Is that how you want your kids to be treated too? I didn't think so.

Tell you two need to talk. He needs to make time for you because he WANTS too......if he doesn't want too its already over. He should NEED to do things with you or you are both just wasting your time!

Answer 4

hi there, u knw wat u r a very sweet girl,(iam saying this for all that u do for your guy).

the best thing u could do is sit n talk it out with him sometime i n the same way that u wrote down here(it was really sweet n cute)
since u said he is a nice guy,he might think abt it,talk to him like u r missing out what the rest of the girls in a relation usually enjoy i.e spending TIME with your bf, make him realise by your talk that he means a lot to u n cry a little with him(that usually works)
{ iam not saying do the fake crying,but feel from your heart about what u have to talk to him, i bet u would get down to tears}

u also start co-operating with him a little,by going along with him to his baseball n do the cheering for him n stuff(if thats possible) or i think since u guys talk it out, u should ready to sacrifice some things for him n ask him also to do the same for u(afterall nothing more than LOVE right!)

but let me tell u 1 thing he is one of those typicall guys-- guys usally play more n they go to the gym more regularly coz they r fitness freaks, so nothing abnormal abt him but i think its just a communication gap between the both of,it wont take much time to sort out things him, as long as u b very polite while talking him, dont hurt him in your talk abt his schedule anywhere coz he loves wat he is doing,so might turn things worse if u r even a little rude(i u wont, but just telling u to handle it with utmost sensitivity).

thats it,this is all i could tell u from my similar experience, n trust me it wil work,all the best, n dont worry.hope i was of some help to u.Kudos!!!

Answer 5

In relationships, you generally have to accept people as they are, and not try to change them. If he wanted to spend more time with you, he would. It doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy being with you, but he has a busy schedule and only has limited time to spend with you. You need to decide if you can be ok with that, if not, you need to find someone else. There is nothing you can do or say to him that will make him want something he doesn't want. I had to learn this for myself, the hard way.

Answer 6

respect him for his choice to do what he thinks is important. at the same time does he call you if you dont call him? does he ever ask you to do anything at all? now it may be time for you to find a nice female friend go to the mall go to the lake go to a movie if it is allowed by your mom and if he sees you are dooing things and not being sad or stressed out over him you may be getting a call real soon. dont act mad just let him know you can be busy to you are not sitting home as you say pissed off. good luck what does mom think you should do? they know best

Answer 7

You have to make a decision. If he is the one and he treats you like you want to be treated, then you deal with it, because he wont do that forever. Eventually he will slow down and do more with you. If on the other hand, this is not someone you can see yourself getting old with, then girl, find someone who has more time for you. If you love him don't let it frustrate you, find your own hobby. He may finally see what it is like on the receiving end... Keep the good ones!!

Answer 8

I think you should discuss it with him. Tell him exactly the way you've said it on here.

Do you go to some of his stuff. It's a good way to show that you're interested in what he's doing and then when you tell him to do something you want to do, he might see it from your point of view. You could always go workout with him. It would be fun, healthy and you guys would be spending time together.

Answer 9

You need to talk to him and let him know how you feel......if he doesn't change his doings then I guess you gonna have to find somebody else coz really what's the point of having a boyfriend but you unhappy and always lonely, you'll end up cheating on him if you just let this be.

Answer 10

Tell him how you feel, and that the relationship isn't working for you how it is. Don't be overly demanding, but ask that he set aside at least a few hours a week to spend with just you.