What are some appropriate punishments for my seven year old son...?

Question

My son has always been a handful and I will admit it has been our fault. I had him at 18 yrs. old and had no clue what I was doing. I use to give in to him when he was younger just so he wouldn't cry. Well, now I have got a good grip on different parenting skills and have worked really hard at setting boundaries and enforcing consequences consistently. I am also sure to point on the positive and praise him. However, my son has some other issues to deal with and I'm not sure if some of these new behaviors are related and I don't know what consequences are the most effective. He has been diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome and so he has some vocal and motor tics...basically eye blinks and clears his throat constantly. He also has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and ADHD. Well, he has been so mouthy and argumentative...wants to have the last word. He is rude and disrespectful to authority. I've spanked, grounded and taken priveledges and still no desired results...please help us!

I forgot to mention that he is on medication for his ADHD. The Tourette's Syndrome is not being medicated at this time b/c it's not severe enough tics and same with the OCD. Me and his dad agreed that if these tics and obsessive behaviors get worse and begin to interfere in his daily life then we will try medicine at that point. I also want to make clear that I began turning my son's behavior around when he was about 3 so although it took me time to set some rules and follow through we have established that I mean business. My problem now is that he is soooo mouthy and the consequences that used to work well are no longer effective so I am basically looking for more age appropriate consequences. Already, I have recieved some GREAT answers. Thank you to all :)

Answer 1

We have several things here.
The reward window. I buy a bunch of neat stuff for kids from the dollar store, put it in the window, and when they do something good..... they get to choose. Works well with my autistic daughter.
I have the benefit of horses. Mouthing off buys you a direct ticket to the pasture to shovel manure. They stop real quick.
Time on the computer or video game... No. It is earned, not a right. you must earn your 1/2 hour .
Pulling weeds.. one of my favorites! Mouthy... when it is 90 degrees outside and they have to pull weeds for 1 hour, they think twice before mouthing again. Works well with my step daughter who is ADD.
Time on the phone.. once again it is earned, not a right.
Sleep overs, earned not a right.
( Man I am mean)!!!
Seriously tho..... when it is comes right down to it, they all work. Write up a contract with him where you both have to sign it, stating 3 or 4 behaviors you wish him to alter. Lay out the punishments, lay out the rewards. He gets a copy, you get a copy. Post it for every one to see.
Every time the word BUT....... comes out, tell him to hit the garden, the yard for dog poop..... what ever. Mine now know when I say "One more word" they are seconds from cleaning fecal matter somewhere, as we live on a farm.
By the way, girls are a bigger handful than boys!

Answer 2

I have a seven year old. Mouthing off is something she tries alot. But I dont' let it go once. I set up rewards first of all. I have a bag of prizes from the dollar store. When she does something I ask with an expectional attitude, I let her pick a prize (abour once a week or so). BUT if she asks for a prize then NO prize. That is for me to decide. All her money she earns for chores. If she does her chore extra well or with an amazing attitude.. more money. I find that the best cure for a bad attitude is work, believe it or not, That really works! If she whines or complains, I totally igore her. Those things are not allowed and receieve NO attention at all. In fact I will usually just leave. For punishments, I don't do spanking. I do time outs. Also I will take away priveleges (and everything is a privelege, even toys, beds, furniture, the nice clothes, the sidewalk chalk, tv time). Once when she had a bad attitude and was saying VERY mean things to her I looked at her and said "I am not going to hit you.. but I will make your world come crashing down around you. I will take away everything you have until you have a bare room with a blanket and pillow. You will have no fun activites. When you can act human and treat me like a person with feelings, then you will get treated like someone that deserves respect!". OK, I was a little harsh verbally, but I meant every single word and I followed through.. but I didnt' get that far, because suddenly she was all sweet and had this great attiude. These are things that I find works. My daughter hardly gives me attitude anymore and we are more like friends mostly. BUT I never hesitiate to be THE MOM first and demand that our household is repectful. Those are my ideas that work for me. Every child has their own personality that needs to be worked with. ONCE the child takes you seriously and knows that you willl do anything to keep your home peaceful.. they tend to fall into the pecking order

Answer 3

I don't agree with the spanking punishment at all. There is a fine line between spanking and child abuse (and I'm not saying that your husband necessarily crossed it) - and it's best not to tread near that line. Having him give back the money was a good choice. By having him do it himself, you taught him that HE, not his father, is responsible for his mistakes. Doing "community service" at the church was also an appropriate form of punishment. The only other thing that I may have done is to have him use a portion of his allowance money to (say $2.00 every week for ten weeks) to put $20.00 into the collection plate. I'm sure that all of that combined would have him learn his lesson.

Answer 4

you know your son better than anyone. What is valued to him? A Cars DVD? A video game? a friend over for the night?
that's where you start, with what he values. When he disobeys on purpose take away some of what he values for a few days. Don't punish for accidents such as spilling his drink at dinner, but for purposeful willing misbehavior.
When he has a good day place a token of some kind in a jar. Maybe a marble. When he gets a jar full take him for a treat and start the jar again.
Give verbal praise for good behavior. Don't yell when he does bad. If someone is yelling at you- your brain shuts off taking in any information.

Answer 5

Surely you're working with professionals, at least on the ADHD, and hopefully on the OCD and Tourette's as well? If not, I highly suggest counseling, for you. Find someone experienced with these disorders, because while I'm sure your son's behaviors are frustrating, they aren't neccesarily ones he should be punished for. Unless you're clear on what he can & cannot control, then it wouldn't be right to punish him at all. Punishment is for when a child is acting out against what you have taught them is right, so unless you know he is being defiant, you'll need to find some other way to deal with the situation. Good luck~

Answer 6

respond to his behavior immediately and correct him and let him know that his behavior is not acceptable. give him a punishment that fits the crime, i.e. if he is disrespectful, let him know that if he can not be polite, then he does not need to be in your presence. sit him down with a quiet activity or time out and let him know that when he feels he is ready to be polite, then he may come out. this way, he still has control of his actions and there is no power struggle but he know that you are not pleased with him. stay consistent on this and he might fight you at first and eventual he'll learn that there are boundaries and that his behavior will have consequences.

Answer 7

i really think you should consult with a physician about your sons behavior...it could very well be due to is illness....it seems like you have a hold on things....your punishing him in the right manner and its still on working..as i said it may be his illness...however it may not....he is seven he is old enough to know that he is different from other kids and he may think that he can get away with a lot more now a days..so until you talk to a doctor you can't really set him straight i mean how would you feel if you found out that his action are cause from his illness....

Answer 8

well if he has adhd he should be on medication... honestly most of the kids that have adhd or add have some sort of defiance in them... they talk back to thier parents and are rude and obnocious... and hopefully the meds will calm him down on that...but you should not let him think it is ok to talk to you like that.....you nedd to be firm and as far as punishment goes... ground him to his room and take everything he can play with out... i mean leave his bed and clothes... now this might be a little work on your part but its worth it.. because when you send a kid to his/her room they just go play with their toys or video games or whatever they have.. so take everything he likes to do out!! try it..... could work......

Answer 9

If you're not going to spank make him do labor, scrubbing walls and floors and such. (I feel kids need to be given a good work ethic as early as possible and should have daily chores anyway). If he refuses to do this then spank him. If you don't like to spank and nothing else will intimidate him into behaving then maybe you'll just have to join the parents that just let their kids do whatever, which seems to be more the case these days.

Kids who just won't learn to obey or have respect in a positive manner have to be afraid of being punished or they will just get worse.

Answer 10

Take away one thing he would miss the most


Don't beat the living daylights out off him like the person up there said because too much of it can be considered child abuse