I have been helping my mom who has health problems since about September of last year. I am the baby out of a large family, lots of siblings. I live closest to my mom. But feel hurt and sadened none of them seem to really care about coming to spend time with my mom. "OUT of sight out of mind." In the mean time, I am watching her slowly die, and it is emotionally too much for me.
I have two small children and a husband to also consider, and feel overwhelmed when I know my mom spends so much time alone.
I do all her bills, shopping, cleaning, laundry, appointments etc... Plus take on my own responsibilities. I have no time for me. Let alone time with my family.
I feel resentful, but I know God would want me to do exactly what I am doing.
I feel bitter to my siblings.
And I feel weighed down.
Any advice, I appreciate.
2007-05-31 17:12:18 · 19 answers · asked by Only Me` 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
I am a pretty private person,but when I read your post,I had to answer,because up until 2 months ago,I was in the exact same position as you. My Mother was diagnosed with liver cancer last March,and since then I had been taking care of her,doctor appointments,chemo treatments,shopping,etc. I got very little help from my sister or any of my relatives. Most all my free time was being spent one way or another with my Mother,and at times I did feel overwhelmed,and as guilty as it made me feel,I felt resentful at times,and even now I am tormented by that.The doctors wanted me to put her in a home to die,but I just could not do that to her.As frazzled,exhausted and stressed out as I felt at the time,I am extremely grateful for the time I got to spend wth my precious Mom,and I wouldn't trade this past year with her for anything. I stayed with her the last month and a half of her life,and slept in a bed beside hers to keep close to her. I bathed her, fed her,laughed with her,cried with her,and when she passed away,I was able to be there to tell her one last time how very much I love her. Yes,the past year was very emotionally and physically hard on me,but the happiness and tender loving care I was able to give her was well worth any discomfort I felt. And even though I miss her terribly and my heart aches with the loss,I know she is with God now and at peace and no longer suffering and that gives me peace.
Your Mom depends on you right now,and when she is no longer with you,you will have no regrets whatsoever about everything you sacrificed for the time you've gotten to spend with her.You will treasure that time with her for the rest of your life. I'm so sorry for the suffering you and your Mom are going through right now,but try to make the best of what time you may have left with her.I promise you'll never regret it.Just knowing that you were there for her and filled her life with love will give you the peace you will need later. I will keep you and your Mom in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you the best.God Bless.
Please feel free to e-mail me anytime. I will be here for you if you need someone to talk to.
2007-05-31 18:30:51 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry you are going through this, and without the help of your siblings. Have you told them how you feel? Do they understand all the responsibility that comes with helping your mom?
Is there any way you can get some outside help? a good friend? or even a nurse to come in once in a while to give you a break?
God is seeing your faithfulness and He is proud I am sure.
I will pray for you.
2007-06-01 00:24:26 · answer #2 · answered by Beverly B 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all stop and forgive your siblings...they will regret their choice not to be with her when that time comes. I understand what a burden that you are bearing, but believe me if you did not do what you are doing you would regret it too, is there a possibility of her moving in with you? that might help make the burden a little easier to handle. God will get you through this and he appreciates your honesty about you feelings and they are natural. I too had shared a similar burden up until my moms last days and then my sister stepped in and helped. Pray for your family when you feel like yelling or lashing out at their lack of compassion. It will help you to get things into prospective. Cherish everyday that your mother is still with you ,because that is a pain that is hard to bear..I never knew how long that umbilical cord really is until my mom died in Dec 2005..I felt so lost for a long time. I pray that God comforts you in this hard time, but it too will pass..so Cherish your Mom you only have her once. ..Forget about what everyone else is doing (or the lack there of) and just Cherish cherish cherish..life is so short. Peace to you
2007-06-01 00:45:52 · answer #3 · answered by candi_k7 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
God bless you!!! This time of hardships will pass! The number of people willing to sacrifice for the ones they love seem to be dwindling all the time in this generation of technology and selfishness, so kudos to you. It's so sad that your siblings see how hard you try, and won't help. Someday they will look back, and see what they've missed by not spending time with your mom, and will regret it. When you look back years from now, you will have something to be proud of. Pray. I have been through a lot too, but now that it's over, I can look back and say, I made it!! I'll pray for you too. Blessings on you!
2007-06-01 00:26:23 · answer #4 · answered by KJ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear, but you work will not go unrewarded. Talk to the LORD about how exactly you feel (HE does know anyway), ask Him for Grace to love your siblings through this time and i pray HE gives you the strength to help you mum through this. Important thing : Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Hebrew 12:14-15
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:22-32
May the LORD bless you and your family
2007-06-01 00:27:37 · answer #5 · answered by Tuesday 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are definitely doing the right thing and I am sure it means a lot to your mom. Have you discussed this with your other siblings? What if your mom moved in with you or one of them? You could care for her while being with your family. I will pray for you and this situation. Don't loose heart remember the words in James chapter 1. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds because the testing of your faith develops perservance. Perseverance must finish it's work so that you may be mature and complete not lacking in anything"
2007-06-01 00:41:33 · answer #6 · answered by Jessica 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to your siblings? If even one helps out it would take some of the work off your shoulders.
Think of it this way: You are so blessed to get to spend this time with your mom, when she is gone so is the chance to spend time with her.
When my step dad was sick I wish I could have been home to help my mom take care of him - it was so painful when he died and I realized I would never have the chance to ask him another question or hear his opinion on anything. I miss my step dad every single day. (He passed 7 years ago) Hard lesson learned - My family lives in CA and I am in OH - if any one of them was dying I would crawl to CA if I had to, I will never again allow myself to not be there at the end.
Please - consider yourself lucky, when your mom is gone you will have the peace of knowing you were there to give her comfort. Your siblings will have to live with the fact that were not there.
2007-06-01 00:29:23 · answer #7 · answered by andijxo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, your brothers and sisters should be helping.
Secondly, I am in a similar situation. I too was growing resentful and selfish but I don't want to feel this way. She's my mom. I know God does not like it.
I remember what the scriptures tells us. That is, to not be weary in doing good (Gal. 6:9), and that when we do things do them as unto the Lord.
That usually stops me in my tracks when I start complaining. When I allow these words to take action in my heart the burden is light. Mostly, I want to have the right attitude while doing what I have to do.
You really need to talk to your brothers and sisters. After all, she is their mom too.
2007-06-01 00:26:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell your siblings you need more help with Mom's care. Ask each of them to commit to one weekend day a month minimum. You need some time off. There's no point making yourself ill and damaging your own family dynamics when your siblings could help out.
Many people are clueless unless someone makes a direct request for assistance. Hopefully your family will come to your mom's help.
So sorry your family is going through this situation. (hugs)
2007-06-01 00:18:51 · answer #9 · answered by Mom 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you need to have a family conference call to your siblings. Prior to calling, lay out a few solutions that you see as feasible to help involve other family members in your mother's care. Voice how you are feeling: resentful and bitter, tired and weary. Ask them to carry some of the burden.
2007-06-01 00:20:57 · answer #10 · answered by Soul Shaper 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋