Did you ever have to FORGIVE someone(s) on a very deep level? How long did it take you?

Question

to go thru the process of forgiveness for perhaps multi-levels of reasons?
Did your spirituality further the completion?
Or did you just do it on your own?

Answer 1

I have finally FORGIVEN my father. It's taken well over 20 years. I will never FORGET though. That said, I'll never speak to my father again because although I forgive his actions, I have not and cannot forget everything that happened and I refuse to allow him any type of contact with my children. I was unable to forgive when I was Christian, partially because I was struggling with the void I felt spiritually. I was tired of feeling angry and physically sick all the time and when I became pagan I was more at peace with myself and better able to step back from my own pain to see the sickness of my father. Remember.... forgiving does not necessarily mean acting as though everything is fine. You can forgive but still protect those you love if protection is required.

Answer 2

Yes....and it would not have happened without God, because in the flesh, there is no way I would ever "feel" like forgiving the person. It took the power of the Holy Spirit.

I've learned that we have to CHOOSE to forgive, and pray for the "feeling" to catch up - especially when it involves a deep emotional wound. But the decision to forgive is more for ourselves than for the person who hurt us, because when we choose to forgive, it enables God to begin healing thewound so we can move on. Besides, the person you're holding the grudge against may not even realize you're hurt / angry, or they may not care. They're out there living their life, so the only person you hurt by refusing forgiveness is yourself. You are keeping yourself in an emotional prison that only YOU hold the key to!

Also, just because we forgive someone doesn't mean they are set free from accountability for their actions. Trust has to be re-built, and that will only happen over time and only if the person who hurt us is truly sorry for causing us pain. Trust will never happen if they continue with the same behavior and no remorse for the pain they've caused. Just because we forgive someone doesn't mean we have to continue to put ourselves in a position where we're going to get hurt in the same way. We're supposed to learn from our bad decisions / mistakes and make better choices!

Answer 3

Yes -- a family member. It took 30 years. Yes, thirty. I paid it lip service for quite a while because I knew that was the Christian thing to do, right? So I'd say "I've forgiven him" but conveniently forgot to mention that it was superficial; all the while I still held onto bits and pieces of anger and resentment and pain. So did he. We were estranged from well before my children were born until just recently, and I'm now a grandmother. Not a pretty picture, is it?

There is no way I could have come to full and unconditional forgiveness on my own, though I did try. After all these years, I think I finally got to a place in my spiritual life where I wanted to forgive more for his sake than my own ... no other way to describe it ...and the last time I saw him, suddenly it was a done deal. Years of prayer and soul-searching and tears, and it boiled down to one long-overdue embrace. It just underscored for me that anything righteous I do is not due to my own strength, but through God whose "power is made perfect in weakness". In this case, His grace was profoundly sufficient.

Answer 4

Pray on it above all things. It was really hard for me to forgive, but the main things are not to be so hard on yourself that you have not forgiven the person immediately and to forgive yourself for ever being in the situation or letting this person have any power over you. Forgiveness is easier said than done. I would like to recommend to you the forgiveness letter. It is a very effective way to forgive someone and in the link, there are other ways to forgive as well. If you need quick relief, visualize you and the person having a conversation. In the visualization, pour all your feelings out to the person then imagine what you would like that person to say after you tell them your feelings(ex. the person validating your feelings and sincerely apologizing to you). It relieved some of my anger and I hope it works for you. ^_^

Answer 5

Yeah, my dad, for the many "crimes" he's committed against my immediate family (my mom and my sisters.) It's been six years and I'm still working on forgiveness. Not quite there yet...especially since he hasn't asked for any. So I'm having a lot of trouble...There are many reasons why I'm not there yet. My spirituality is helping a little bit...but coming close to hampering the project at times because I've always been taught and felt that you can't really forgive someone until they ask and want your forgiveness.

Peace

Answer 6

The question is posed somewhat awkward, as I do not believe one has to ever FORGIVE. But that said, yes I did forgive someone and at very deep and personal level. It took about 3 years to go through the process. You might say that I just did it on my own.

Answer 7

I think forgiveness is based on our spiritual beliefs so I know for me it was a major factor. I forave my sisters because I would want to be forgiven. I won't get into what two of them did. I forgave them, that doesn't mean I have to forget. One gives me a lot of support but I probably give her more. I prefer to keep her as a good friend so I forgave her after a few months. Basically no matter what happens when there is a crisis you need to put the other issues behind you.

If you want to be forgiven you have to practice what you preach and forgive others.

Answer 8

It took many months of prayer to forgive someone on a deep level. I could never have done it with out God. When forgiveness came, I felt so much peace. I grew to be a stronger and more compassionate person, while learning to forgive.

Answer 9

Sometimes I think I have forgiven somebody only to later realize I haven't really; I've taken all the anger and hurt back on. I heard somewhere that you haven't really forgiven someone if you can relate in perfect detail exactly what they did to you and still get all worked up about it. There's people in my life I have to continually give over to God because I can't forgive them on my own. I think when our eyes our perfectly on Jesus, there is no room for unforgiveness. If we don't work on forgiving others we can't truly experienc God' forgiveness. "Forgive as the Lord forgave you"col. 3:13 "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Mark !!:25

Answer 10

My spirituality took me through the levels of forgiveness. It was then I learned that forgiving didn't mean I condoned someones betrayal. Forgiving was something I had to do to lighten my load and make myself feel better.
The first time I truly forgave took me many months, I now find it much easier to forgive others.