Do ALL Army men cheat on their wives if they're deployed... even the "good guys"?

Question

I'm so concerned.. and it's way too early to worry (considering he's only in AIT). We've had some trust issues... we've never cheated, but there was a time before being married that we broke up and he dated someone else. I'm now constantly worried that he will find someone else while he is away, but my biggest worry (aside from the obvious danger of deployment... God forbid) is that if he is deployed for a year or longer, that he will cheat. I've heard of so many situations where men cheat on their wives. I know the women at home aren't perfect, but guys seem to have more of that "desire" and "drive". My husband IS a good guy, don't get me wrong, he's absolutely against cheating. Are there men that TRULY stay faithful? If there are any Army men who did, please respond. Please don't give any rude/mean/stupid answers. This is killing me. Also, anyone know how likely a 15T (blackhawk mechanic) is to be deployed/how frequently?

Wow, someone s's answer was really uncalled for. Obviously you can't read very well considering you completely ignored the "Please don't leave rude comments" thing. Also, it's pretty ignorant that you gathered that I want my husband to cheat on me so that I can do whatever I want?? How ridiculous. Some people amaze me.

Frank, you can now buddy up with someone s. You both can read very well. It's obvious that ALL army men don't cheat, it was a way to express what I meant. No one ever tells me stories of long, happy, lasting marriages, which is why I posted the question as I did.

It takes a lot of nerve to say things like that to a woman who is taking care of 2 children while her husband is away, going through every day wishing he was there with them.

Answer 1

The answer is with your husband, however not all men cheat and not all women cheat, having been a singly in a couple of garrisons, i have to say i really enjoyed the deployment of some of the regiments, but when i got married i made some vows and it was the end of my fun times, cut him some slack you have to take the relationship on face terms, if your not doing it because of love then you have to believe he's not doing it for the same reason.

As you said you broke up so nothing wrong with what he did after the breakup is there be honest.

AJ

Answer 2

This issue has nothing to do with him, but rather with you. You guys broke up and he dated someone else. He's married to you now so you won him back. You worry about him cheating eventhough you think he's a good guy. You're thinking negatively.

My fiancee just got done with basic. She was gone for over 2 months and because of my new address and phone number, I didn't hear from her for over a month. The thought crossed my mind but I trust her and I'm not a very trusting guy when it comes to women.

If someone really wants to do something like that, you can't stop them. There is no way you would actually know what happened if he was deployed. Why worry about something you wouldn't know. Why worry about something that might not even happen. He could have the same thoughts and women are just as likely to cheat as much as men.

If he's in a war zone, I think he'd be more focused on doing his job than getting some a s s. If he hasn't cheated on you, then he deserves your trust until he proves otherwise. I think you should talk with him about this. Don't say you're having trust issues, just say you know that he could be away for a while and you don't want him to get distracted. He'll get the point and he's the only person who can put your fears to rest.

Answer 3

I can tell you from personal experience as I am currently deployed, that not all men in the military cheat on their wives. I have been in the Army for 8 years now and have been married for 12 years. In my experiences the best thing that you and your husband can do if he get's deployed is talk as much as possible on the phone or via a messenger program. Communication is so very important in a strong and healthy relationship, especially during a deployment, when that is all the two of you have. If neither of you have given each other a reason to doubt the others faithfullness, then don't allow these things into the relationship. My first job in the Army was a 67T(it is now 15T). I wouldn't speculate on whether or not he will get deployed. There are several different factors involved with that such as the unit he gets assigned to after AIT, what their deployment schedule is, and other criteria. Lastly, try not to worry too much about him if he does get deployed. I know that sounds like it's impossible, however my wife tells me that by staying busy, (we have 3 children), she doesn't find herself sitting around the house all day just worrying. He has a job to do, and it's a diffucult enough job as it is without him worrying about what is going on back home. It has been said before that the hardest job in the military is the job of the spouse. You will soon find out that everything is always changing in the Army and you need to be flexible and roll with it as well. You two will be just fine. I thank your husband for his service, and you for yours. God Bless you both. Sergeant R.

Answer 4

Well, I know you asked about the Army, but then you also asked for a good marriage story! So... Hubby is AF, 21+ years. We've been married for going on 19, dated for 4 before that. He's done deployments, remotes, and oodles of TDY's, including heading to Vegas one month a year for 6 years. In all that time, he has never had the urge to cheat on me, nor I on him. At one point in our marriage he had been gone more than he had been home.
One thing that is always stressed and I really believe is true, is that a deployment makes a strong marriage stronger and a weak marriage fall apart.
If you all go into a separation, whether it's for a week or a year, with your marriage in a good place and keep all lines of communication fully open, and have complete trust in each other, your marriage will be stronger when he comes home. It's the marriages that were already in trouble.. no communication, fighting, trust was already broken, etc., that fall apart during these times.
Keep talking to each other, make sure you each reassure the other of your love and commitment, keep the home fires burning for him, and keep yourself busy and happy, doing things with your little ones. Knowing that he has that to come home to is all he needs. And you just need to remember what kind of man he is and surround yourself with other spouses who are like minded.
hugs!!

Answer 5

I think the temptation to stray will be there no matter if he's in the Army or not. It depends on your man. Has he ever cheated before, while you were together? No, he hasn't. Has he ever given you reason to doubt him?

I think you have some trust/insecurity issues that should be dealt with before he leaves. You just said he is absolutely against cheating. So the problem isn't him being deployed and being away from you and the tempation for him to cheat, it's you.

Trust me, I know how you feel...I'm about to go through our second deployment soon. But when it all comes down to it, you just have to trust him.

Think of it this way, when he is gone all he will think about is you and how much he misses you and wants to come home to you.

And yes there are men out there that stay faithful to their wives.

Good luck!

Answer 6

If you feel the need to report the situation to the military go for it although there isn't really anything they can do other than enforce any child support order issued in the divorce.. What consequence exactly do you believe the military will exact upon your wife or the two men? The military is a war machine not a marriage enforcer.. While it is sad that events played out the way they did there is nothing the military can do to either save your marriage or exact punishment upon your wife and/or the men for their actions.. Your wife chose to have relations with these men of her own accord, she is an adult and that is her choice..

Answer 7

I am so sorry that you're going through this. My fiancee is stationed in another country and it's hard sometimes. We talked about all of this before he left. I agree with an answer above me, i think some guys cheat, but i think they would cheat even if they werent deployed. I love my fiancee and trust him, as he trusts me to be faithful to him. I know that many of the men worry about being cheated on too while they are away. My fiancee tells me that many of his friends are married and would never even think about cheating on their wives. Many of them, as my fiancee agreed with, need to have the faith and love in their wives to get them through the day. So no, not all men cheat. Try talking to your husband before he leaves. Tell him your concerns, that's what a marriage is all about. Tell him you love him and will be waiting with open arms when he returns.

Answer 8

I married a good Army guy. He's been gone since last September and nothing has come up. He's actually a Blackhawk pilot- and so if your husband is a mechanic, I imagine he might deploy as often as any aviation unit. From what I've seen so far, they go for 12-15 months and they try to keep them home for a year.
Have faith in your husband.

Answer 9

Of course you recieved these answers. It is the same stupid thing about guys being away and they may cheat. Well if they were they would cheat at home.

Lots of guys would have much to say and give you the good stories..... but..... why are you concerned about this at all? He is your husband and far more guys in the military know how to comport themselves and know what is important.

Answer 10

No. Not all men cheat while deployed. It does happen though. Mostly it happens if the men happen to be in a unit with women. But again I have to stress that most men will not cheat while deployed. As far as how frequently your hubby gets deployed mainly depends on the unit, and what the pentagon is wanting to do with the troops (surges, starting to pullout stuff like that). If you trust him enough not to cheat I wouldn't worry about it.