My almost 4 year old daughter is still in our bed.?

Question

I need some ideas, please to get her into her own bed. Her room is lovely, full of princesses, she never slept in her crib, her toddler bed and she's never slept in her "big girl" bed. We've tried letting her cry, we've tried staying w/her til she's asleep, she winds up in our bed, smack in the middle. We know now that "co-sleeping" is not for us, but when she was an infant it made life so much easier... please help. I really would like this to be a stress free for her as possible, but it's making her dad and I really cranky. Thanks

Answer 1

Transitioning from the family bed to sleeping in your own bed in another room can be and usually is a major adjustment for a youngster. I hasten to add that you did not create a monster by having a family bed; you gave your child a wonderful, secure loving environment. Now you all need to get through this transition stage with as little difficulty as possible, acknowledging it is going to be difficult for a while.

I would suggest a 20-30 minute wind down routine that involves quiet activities in his bedroom, like being read to and exchanging stories. Do anything you can to associate his bedroom and his bed with things that are comforting and exciting; making a big deal out of her "big girl bed" is a must.

When you do finish your wind down routine and it's time to go to sleep, you or your husband can tell her you will lie down(or sit) next to her while she falls asleep and then you'll be in the next room if she wakes up. If she does wake up, talk to her soothingly and take her back to bed where you will stay with her while she drifts off to sleep again. This may seem like it's too much of your time but this can be a scary transition and one that merits extra special attention, time and understanding. Good luck, I'm sure you will all come through this famously.

"creators.com" suggest: "you can gate your room and make it absolutely off limits for her. If she cries at the gate, respond once, telling her to go back to her room and that you'll come in to comfort her. If she returns to her room, sit with her a few minutes, but don't take her out of bed with you. If she doesn't go back to her room, let her cry, and she'll soon fall asleep on the floor outside your door for the night. After two or three nights, she'll stay in her own bed and get over her fear. I know this will be difficult for all of you, but she'll soon feel like a much more courageous and confident child."
However, this might be too harsh. It depends on the child.
Good luck though!

Answer 2

My daughter is 2yrs old and is stilling sleeping smack in the middle of my husband and I. I personally don't mind it as much as my husband. He's the one who gets kicked in the face most nights though... lol so I can't say I blame him. What we've done it moved her toddler bed right against our bed. We've removed the bed frame from out bed so it's level w/ our mattress. I cuddle her to sleep in "mommy's bed" ... then just move her over into her own bed. Sometimes she wakes up in the night and crawls back in w/ us. But once she's asleep again... I just move her back.
What I'm hoping to do is get her used to sleeping in her own bed at night then move her bed back into her own room. So far it seems to be working well for us. We've got our bed back and she's still got the comfort of mommy and daddy close at hand.
Other things I tried before this was.....
-I purchased a LARGE Dora the explorer pillow, almost the same size as her to cuddle at night
-I purchased a CD player for her room so she could listen to soothing music at night
-I tried sitting w/ her and every night moving closer and closer to the door.
-I tried tucking her in and saying our good nights then saying I had to use the bathroom.... and I would come back tell her how well she was doing sleeping in her own room and in her own bed. Then I would come up w/ another excuse and leave but tried to stay away a little longer.
That's about it... I really hope you find something that works for you and your family. Try to keep whatever you do positive, and find something that works w/ your daughters personality.

Good Luck hope all works out!!

Answer 3

I did that with my first child let him sleep with us and I had alot of trouble getting him in his own bed don't think you have done a bad thing by letting her sleep with you for so long, Try putting a bed on the floor to get her used to sleeping in her own bed, make it exciting go shopping for a new comforter blanket etc involve her in this and get her to help you make up the bed while praising her that you are so proud she is such a big girl for getting her own bed. Because she has always slept with you the separation at first may frighten her a little you were so to speak her pacifier, teddy bear basically her safety blanket. This is what I did with my son and after 2 nights on the floor I tried him in his room again makin a big deal he was such a big boy to sleep in his own room I also enforced a bed time routine where I sat and read him a book or sang him a few nursery rhymes in his bed in his room at the same time every night. I also put a night light in the hall way that slightly shone into his room. So if he did wake up he knew where he was. He tried to get in my bed a few times a night for about 3 nights but I straight away put him back in his own bed, had a few bad nights sleep but he no longer sleeps in my bed and is sleeping in his own bed every night. This may not work for you but I hope it helps and remember she may cry scream etc but its just cause she is not getting her own way It may break your heart that your upsetting her but stick to your guns and you'll come out smiling . GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

When my daughter wants to sleep with me and not in her own bed I get out her sleeping bag and a few comforters and lay them on HER floor. She loves the change and its a lot more fun then in my bed on nights she is miserable. This might work in order to get her used to sleeping in her room and not have the comfort of mom and dad next to her and make it easier to get her up into her own bed when she's ready. good luck!

Answer 5

Maybe you should try putting her bed into your bedroom. That way she will be close to you but not in your bed. My mom had the same problem with my little sister, she slept with my parents until she was 5! And they had a cute little bedroom set up for her also but she would refuse to sleep there. So they put her bed into their bedroom. Now she sleeps in her bed in their bedroom. That way once she gets used to sleeping in her own bed, you can gradually move her bed to her bedroom.

Answer 6

Have you tried talking to her and explaining to her that she needs to sleep in her bed now? At the age of 4, she should understand you and maybe communicating with her will help?

Answer 7

My husband and I have never had a problem with our son sleeping in our bed. He recently turned 4 and has always slept with us. I usually am the one to put him in his "big boy bed" and there are times when he'll wake up and climb back in bed with us. He's just getting to where he sleeps in his bed all night long. Just have patience and let him fall asleep in your bed then carry him to his later. Oops...I mean "her."

Answer 8

Not the same scenario, but the same idea. My friend told her daughter she could get her ears pierced when she was potty trained and she really wanted "Pretty Ears" so she had incentive to use the potty! Try something like that to show that big girls (who sleep in their own bed) get to do big girl things!
And consistency is always good too! Good Luck!

Answer 9

We co-slept and did totally love it. When our oldest got too big for comfort, we brought in a twin and had it alongside our king. We couldn't put him in his room because the new baby had just been born and you can't say - hey, we've got a new one, you go sleep alone now!

We waited until the oldest was 6 and then moved both of them! Then, we got a new house, separate rooms, and the baby was back with us. What we finally did when he was about 5 was allow him to fall asleep in our bed, then put him in his own.

I really don't have the energy to fight evolution at night time. Kids are programmed by evolution to be terrified of being alone at night. It's in their wiring. Some people fight it and good for them.

But, it's like a cheetah isn't going to chase down food that gives her less calories than it took to catch the food and I'm not going to spend more energy at night to get sleep than I'll get rest from sleep.

(Some people's kids give in - I have the type who doesn't give in. I prefer that - who needs sheep for kids? The ones who refuse to give in have integrity, dignity, strength of character. They know what they want. They want allow peers to pressure them, they won't be followers.)

Answer 10

I put my son toddler bed right beside mines in my room. He got use to sleeping in his own bed and about a week, I just took his bed to his room and said bed time big boy. He got in bed and went right to sleep!!