And what did you change, if anything?
2007-05-31 14:54:19 · 7 answers · asked by elizabeth 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
My father was never home and I never had a close relationship. I always looked for attention from boys when I was younger and would do anything to get it. I was always looking to fill that void. I try to have my kids do more with their father, but then I feel kind of jealous because that takes away from my time with him. I feel horrible that I feel that way.
Also, my mother was not very affectionate and I don't really remember her kissing me, hugging me or just saying "I love you" when I was growing up. I have 2 adopted children who are in 2nd and 3rd grade and I find it difficult to show them attention because I feel like people will think it is inappropriate since they aren't "biologically" mine. I didn't get them until they were toddlers so I didn't have the bonding from infancy. I don't want to be accused of anything. I do have my own biological child and I try to kiss and hug him a lot so it wont feel so wrong when he is older. I feel bad that I don't have that bond with my other kids but I don't know how to get it at this age.
2007-05-31 15:03:07 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Trying♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Great question! The way I was raised was REALLY crappy and even abusive. But I am SO thankful for the way I was raised! They showed me how to damage a child emotionally and mentally. They showed me how to undervalue a person and take away their confidence so they have to reparent themselves as adults. Ok, lol.. that sounds terrible. BUT if they had not raised me that way, i would have walked through life on the fence. I would have had a medicore life. I would have raised my kids 'ok'. Because of them I fought to find myself. I fought to buck the system I was raised in. I fought for my and walked away from them. In choosing myself, I learned that they really did prepare me for life. In showing me what NOT to value, I learned what was really important to me. As such, I have an expectional life. I am happy. I am an excellent parent. Sometimes it takes having nothing, to appreciate something. So in being raised in a way in which I didn't value, I learned what it is that I DO value. And that is what I give to my kids. So my parents (who did there best), did do good by me, only in a reverse psychology way. And the good things from my childhood (there were some, lol)... I definetely carry that over to my children too.
2007-05-31 22:08:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes - I got an 18 year course in how NOT to raise children.
For the most part, if my parents did it, I think twice (or three times) before I do it that way.
2007-05-31 22:34:47 · answer #3 · answered by ~Biz~ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
both of my parents were always involved in mine and my six siblings lives....no matter what they were always their for each of us.....so when it came time for myself to be a father i knew that i was going to follow every example they had set as parents from day one......if it weren't for them i don't know i would get through raising six kids of my own....
one thing that is different from the way we raise our kids is the fact that we are more open with them...it was a little harder for my siblings and i to go up to my parents and just open up to what was on our mind...my kids dont have that fear they know that we are always here for them no matter what and they have nothing to fear when wanting to talk......its that friend in us as parents but we dont let that part of us come out often because if we did the children would think they could walk all over us...i know i have seen it done to a few of our friends from time to time
2007-06-01 01:52:22 · answer #4 · answered by adrik c 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love my mom to death but she never set any rules or boundaries for me growing up. This got me into loads of trouble, especially as a teenager. My goal, and I think every parents goal is to be better than our parents were at raising us.
2007-05-31 22:35:41 · answer #5 · answered by BAnne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was yelled at and terrified of my father when I was a kid and I promised my kids wouldn't have that type of fear- but as time went on they became afraid of their dad ( as was I ) so I protected them by lieing to their dad about stuff they did that would make him mad and going so far as to take the blame for some stuff!I feel I should have let them have a healthy fear of their dad- so that when I couldn't handle them I could always fall back on him! You know " Wait till your father comews home" type of thing!
2007-06-02 00:10:33 · answer #6 · answered by buffster06 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well my grandmother was very strict so now with my children i am not as strict but i am stern with them but i also show them alot of love and attention my grandmother never talked to me about sex so i make sure i discuss this with my son so he doesnt make the same mistakes i made
2007-05-31 22:03:14 · answer #7 · answered by redz1979 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋